Everything For You
by flawlesspeasant
Summary: Demi is used to her partying ways, and Joe seems to be the only one that realizes that things are different now that they have a baby. Joe is fed up, but then something happens. Something with a potentially deadly outcome. Something that might in turn, bring them together if it isn't already too late.
1. Out of Love

**Disclaimer: I own nothing but the general plot of the story. I do not own the characters in the story, I do not own their identities, and nothing I say or put into the story is a direct reflection omy the true identities of my characters. I do not claim anything I say or put into the story to be true. I do not claim to own anything but the plot and the idea of the story.**

* * *

"Fox in socks, our game is done, sir. Thank you for a lot of fun, sir." My eyes are so droopy, I can't keep them open no more. I'm gonna go nap, and I don't want to. But I can't help it. Talking to me always makes me go nap.

I like putting my head against dada's chest when he talks to me. I like it, because his voice sounds louder that way and it reminds me of how mama's voice used to sound when I was trapped up and warm, before I could see mama or dada.

I look up and watch dada. He closes the thing he was talking to me from and puts it down on the table next to the bed. Dada grabs my sucky off the table and puts it in his mouth.

While he has my sucky in his mouth, he moves me so my head is laying on a pillow. He pulls big blankets over me to make sure I'm warm. "Here, honey. Take a nap..." Dada pulls my sucky out of his mouth.

I try to tell dada that I hate it when he sucks on my sucky. It's mine, not his. But he never listens to me when I tell him not to.

Dada holds my sucky by my mouth and it suck on it instead of him. Sometimes I like when dada sucks on my sucky though. He warms it up for me before I suck on it.

"Have a nice nap, baby girl. I love you." Dada picks up my hand and kisses it.

I close my eyes while I suck on my sucky. I'm ready to go nap, but something feels not right. I reach over like I usually do to grab my Minnie. She's not there. Where's Minnie?

I feel my eyes start hurting and water comes out of them. "Eeeeehhhhhhhh!" I sniff up a boogie from my nose. "Mmmmmmmehhh..." I tell dada about Minnie's absence. Surely he'll do something about it.

"What's wrong? Huh?" Dada sits back down on the bed next to me and rubs my back. "What's a matter, beautiful?"

"Hmmmmmmm... Ehhhh..." I keep explaining to him that Minnie isn't here.

"What's wrong? You want a bubba?" Dada plays with my hair. He always does that to calm me down. "You need your Minnie? Here's Minnie, baby. She's right here." Dada reaches over on the table and snuggles Minnie next to me.

"Mmmmm..." I tell dada thank you. I put Minnie's bow between my fingers and rub on it. I like the way her bow feels.

"Okay, take a nap. Daddy has to clean up." Dada puts his lips on my cheek.

I love dada. He fixes everything for me. I don't really know what love is, but dada never goes a day without telling me he loves me. Dada thinks I'm pretty too. He loves my eyes. He says I have eyes like mama.

Speaking of mama, I miss her. I haven't seen her since night night time last night. She will be back though. She always comes back. Mama's not as good as dada when it comes to fixing things, but she tells me she loves me too.

Before dada leaves the room, he messes with my feetsie. I don't like it when he does that, because it doesn't owie until he touches it.

Dada rubs some clear stuff on the caterpillar on my feetsie. I remember how I got the caterpillar or my feetsie, but I don't want to talk about it cause it made mama and dada yell a lot at each other. It even made dada "snack" mama. Dada snacked mama right across the face when I got the caterpillar. Mama cried.

"I love you, honey." Dada pulls the blanket back over my caterpillar and leaves. He shuts the door behind him.

Now that dada's gone, I guess I'm supposed to go nap.

I turn my head and cuddle with Minnie. Before I know it, I'm in nap. And this time, nap is good.

I'm all trapped up and warm again. I have no sucky, so my thumb will do. I suck on my thumb and just relax. It's nice in here.

I'd open my eyes, but it's pointless. All it does is make my eyes burn and I can't see anything besides red anyway.

Something touches me. It rubs me. Nice and softly and in circles. "Just one more month. One more." The same now familiar voice says. I like this voice. It's calm and soothing. I especially like the voice whenever it sings. Oh, I love it when it sings. It's such a pretty sound.

"What's my baby doing?" Another familiar voice says and something touches me and rubs me again. This voice is familiar too, but it's not as soft as the voice I love. It's a lot less pleasant to listen to, and it's rough. Instead of the nice rubbing, the voice pushes me. Hey! I kick the spot where the voice pushed me.

"Ouch, Joe. Stop. She's kicking me." The softer voice says.

The two voices are weirdos. They're all I hear all day. Unless there's an annoying yapping noise. The yapping noise is way more annoying than the voices.

Something jolts me out of nap. It kind of makes me sad. I don't like nap being stopped before I want nap to be stopped. It makes me sad and a little bit meanie.

I open up my still sleepy eyes and look around to see what made me wake up.

On the bed next to me, there's a big brown and gold bag. Mama carries this bag around a lot.

"Hi chunky! Hi!" That's mama's voice. Mama's home!

Instead of putting her lips on me while  
I'm laying down, mama has to pick me up. She picks me up and puts her lips on my cheek.

"I missed you! We're you sleeping?" Mama puts her hand on the back of my head and makes me lay on her shoulder. "Go back to sleep, chunky. I missed you..."

"Ehhhh..." I let mama know I missed her too. I suck on my sucky some more and lay on her shoulder. Mama doesn't smell too good. She smells like nasty.

But mama is so pretty. And she's comfy too. I love mama.

"Demi, why would you come in here and wake her up? She was napping..." Dada comes in and he looks meanie at mama.

"She's fine, Joe. I'm putting her back down." Mama kisses the top of my head and rubs me on my bummy.

"...We're you drinking?" Dada asks mama.

"I had like... Two drinks." Mama bounces me on her shoulder. I'm about to go nap again.

"Bullshit, Demi. Bullshit. I can smell it all over you. You smell like shit." Dada puts his hands on me and grabs me off mama. "...Were you smoking too?"

"Joe, don't start with me right now. I have the baby..." Mama makes dada let me go.

"You need to put her down. Smelling the way you do. You're high as fuck, Demi. I can look at you and tell."

"Hush! It's not your business. And I'm trying to put the baby back to sleep..."

"Not my business? Demi, it is my business..." Dada lowers his voice. "Give me the baby. Give her here."

"Joe, I can take care of my fucking kid."

I want them to stop being meanie to each other. "Ehhhhh!" I tell them to stop it.

"Stop cussing around her, Demi. You're right in her ear." Dada tries to grab me off mama again. This time, mama lets me go.

"Will you give me my baby, Joe? Please? Give me my daughter." Mama has water coming out of her eyes.

"You're so lucky she's a baby, Demi. You're so lucky she doesn't know what's going on."

Dada is wrong. I know what's going on. I know that him and mama are meanie to each other every single day. I know that dada gets meanie to mama and mama cries. I think dada is still cranky at mama for giving me a caterpillar. Sometimes dada hurts mama and I wish he wouldn't.

"I'm fine, Joe. I can take care of her. Just give her here. I want to give her a bath..."

"Not while you're high."

"I'm fine!"

"What were you smoking, Demi? What? Because I know what weed smells like, and you don't smell like weed."

"I wasn't smoking anything..." Mama wipes the water off her cheeks and looks at me. She holds her arms out.

I lean towards her. Dada lets me go to mama.

"Look at my pretty. You're so pretty." Mama puts her lips on my cheek. "You're so pretty! My baby is so pretty."

Thanks mama, but you're pretty too. "Ehhhehenn."

"I'm gonna give her a bath... Then feed her... And take a nap with her..." Mama wipes the water from her face again.

Dada looks like he's not meanie anymore. "I'll make her bottle for you."

"No, don't. I'll breastfeed her. It's been a while since I have."

"How much did you drink, Demi?"

"I told you I had two cups..."

"And what were you smoking?"

"Nothing."

"Don't lie to me, Demi. What was it? Cocaine?"

"I didn't smoke anything!"

"Then how are you high? What did you, sniff it? Did you shoot it up?"

"I don't want to talk about it..."

"I'll make Sofia's bottle then."

"I said I'll nurse her!"

"Then tell me how you're high!? What did you do?!"

"Nothing serious! Damn! I drank two cups of vodka. That was it. Then I did a HALF line. Just a half!"

"Demi..." Dada pinches his nose and takes a deep breath. "I can't let you nurse her... You have alcohol in your milk."

I wish I knew what dada was saying to mama. He's making her sad.

"It was only two cups..." Mama starts crying again.

"I know... I know. It was only two cups. But Demi... You can't drink at all... She depends on you... For food... For comfort... How can you be a good mom if you're high or drunk all the time?" Dada wipes the water from mama's face.

"Joe, I..." Mama sniffs like I sniff when I sniff a boogie up my nose. "I'm sorry..."

"I know you're sorry, babe." Dada puts his lips on mama's lips. "I really need you to get better, though. You're still sick, babe. You know you are..."

"It's not a problem, though. I could stop whenever I want to stop..."

"No you can't, Demi. You can't. You need to go back... And you know you do..."

"I can't leave her again..."

Dada puts his lips on mama's lips again. "We don't need to discuss this around her. You go ahead and bath her. I'll make her bottle. We'll talk later..."

"...Do you still love me? I know it must be hard... Considering everything... But do you still love me?"

"...I don't know, Demi. I don't know."

"Fair enough... But I still love you... With all my heart."

Dada gives mama a hug. "Just worry about the baby right now."

* * *

**Joe's Point of View.**

It was never my intention to fall out of move with Demi. And I'm not sure if I truly have fallen out of love with her.

I'll always love her, considering the fact that she is the mother of my daughter. But it's really hard to love her when she's done the things she's done.

I don't want to hurt Demi. And I don't want to lie to her. I love her for being the mother of my child, but I'm not in love with her any longer. It's just hard to love her.

Babies really change relationships. After Demi had Sofia, we went downhill. If it wasn't for Sofia, I would have left Demi already.

All me and Demi do is fight. I'm beginning to think that I should take Sofia and leave. Staying with Demi for the sake of Sofia isn't turning out to be good.

I step over all the cleaning supplies in the kitchen and grab a clean bottle from the cupboard above the sink.

I think Demi has some breastmilk stored in the fridge. I check inside.

Our fridge is empty. There isn't any food; all there is is a case of beer that I didn't buy. Demi makes me sick sometimes.

I push the case of beer to the side and grab the small container of milk in the back of the fridge. I put it on the counter and go in the drawer beside the sink. I grab the strips to test the milk.

I pour the milk into the tiny bottle and dip one of the testing strips into the breastmilk and wait for the results.

Personally, I wouldn't feed this shit to Sofia at all. Demi's never sober enough to pump enough sterile breastmilk for Sofia. And even if the milk doesn't have alcohol in it, she was probably high when she was pumping it.

I'm really going to try not to resent Demi for anything, though. I'll be civil with her for the sake of our baby girl.

I pick the test strip back up and check it. The strip is clear, which means there isn't any alcohol in the milk.

I screw the cap on the bottle and clean off the nipple with a baby wipe. I take the bottle to the microwave and put it in there for a minute.

I never saw myself raising my first baby like this. I never thought that I was going to have to test my wife's breastmilk for alcohol. I never thought I was going to have to worry about keeping my house clean so that CYS won't take my baby away. And I never thought I would want to divorce my wife, after only being married to her for a year. I also didn't imagine myself being 22 years old with an eight month old baby.

I grab the bottle from the microwave and take it back upstairs to Demi and the baby.

I open the door to me and Demi's bedroom.

Lying on our bed with a towel wrapped around herself is Demi. And in Demi's arms is our sleeping baby. Sofia is lying on Demi's bare chest, and Demi is holding her. They must've really been sleepy.

I put Sofia's bottle down and grab a pair of underwear and a t-shirt from Demi's drawer.

I grab Sofia off Demi's chest. Demi was holding her really, really tight.

"Mmm... Sofia?" Demi wakes up. "Where's my baby?" She asks with her sleepy voice.

"I got her babe... I got her." I calm her down and slide her underwear up secure on her waist. I pull her t-shirt on too.

"Give her back..."

"I'll give her back, babe. Let me put some clothes on her."

"...Joe?"

"What, Demi?" I take Sofia and put a diaper on her.

Demi sits up. She still looks tired, but I can tell that she's not high anymore. "I love you..."

"...Go back to sleep, Demi. You're tired..." I put a t-shirt on Sofia too. Sofia stays asleep. I hand her back to Demi.

When Demi's sober, I remember all the reasons I fell in love with her in the first place. She never stays sober, so it's hard to love her.

But deep down inside, I really hope that she can get more help.

Because I think it's possible to fall in love more than once.


	2. Kisses

**Sofia's Point of View.**

"You and Demi need to get it together. Either you're going to divorce her or not. You need to stop dragging her along like this. It's not healthy for my grandbaby." Mimi is being meanie to dada. Her always is mean to dada.

I like Mimi's house. She always holds me when I'm in nap and she feed me lots of cheemees. Cheemees are my favorite.

"Mom, I know. I mean... It's not that easy. I can't just leave Demi..." Dada holds onto my feetsies. He rubs my caterpillar.

"Joseph, do you still love her? Tell me from your heart. Not your feelings. Your heart." Mimi goes in the space and grabs the bag of cheemees. I reach out for them.

"I mean... I..." Dada rubs my belly while I sit on his legs. "No. I don't love her. But I have love for her... You know? She's Sofia's mom... That's always... You know... There."

"Do you still want to be with her?" Mimi hands me a cheemee. I put it in my mouth. I like cheemees because they melt in my mouth. I don't have to use my things to chew them. I don't know what my things are called, but they hurt. Mama calls them "munchers." Dada calls them "teefers." I don't know what they're called.

"...A little bit... I want my old Demi back. The one before all this shit..." Dada sighs. "I always have the baby anymore. Parenting is supposed to be a partner thing. It feels so one-sided with Demi..."

"Joe, you let her stick you with the baby. You LET her."

"That's shit, mom. And you know it is. The last time I made her stay home with her, she ended up with her foot busted open. No telling when Sofia will be done with surgeries for that."

"Watch your mouth when you're talking to me, boy." Mimi gets meanie with dada again.

I'm done with my cheemee. I want another.

"Ehhehehmmmeee..." I hold my hand out and ask Mimi for another cheemee.

Mimi hands me another one.

"Mom, cool it with the cheese balls. She's gonna be constipated."

"Shut it." Mimi rubs my hair. "Where is Demi now?"

"Out. It's her new group of friends, ma. I'm telling you..." Dada takes my cheemee off me and hands me my baba. "Ever since she started hanging out with them, she hasn't come home until after 1 in the morning, she's drunk or high all the damn time, and she ignores Sofia. That makes me the maddest. When she ignores our baby..."

"In the end, it's going to be her that misses out, Joe. You know that..."

"Mmmmmhhh!" I try to tell dada that I want my cheemee back. I want my cheemee back... "Emmmmeh!"

"Take your bottle, baby." Dada puts my baba in my mouth. I don't want my baba I want a cheemee.

"Here, come see Mimi. Come see Mimi, Sofia bear." Mimi puts her hands under my arms and picks me up off dada. She makes me lay in her arms and holds my baba for me.

This baba is no good. It's not mama milk. It's yummy, but mama milk is better. Mama milk is good.

"Does Demi still attempt to nurse her?" Mimi looks down at me and smiles. I put my hand on her cheek.

"She tries. I wish she wouldn't..." Dada holds my feetsie thing in his hand. "I gotta get her a new pair of shoes..."

"Do you need money?"

"No, I'm alright." Dada gets up from the chair. "Let me have her. We're gonna get going... I still have to clean up her room for tomorrow."

Mimi hands me to dada. I lay down on dada's shoulder. I miss mama. I wonder where she's at.

"...Mama... Muhh muhh muhh..." I ask dada where mama is at. I want to go see her.

"See?! All she does is ask for Demi. I don't know what to tell her. I should record her one day. And send it to Demi. Maybe then she'll get it through her damn head." Dada is meanie. I wonder why.

"Mumma..." I ask dada again. Why won't he answer me?

"Why don't you call her, Joe? Ask her where she is. Ask her to come home." Mimi takes me off dada again and puts me in my seeseat.

Mimi buckles me in my seeseat and puts my sucky in my mouth. How come no one will gimme mama? I just want mama. "Muhh... Muhh..."

Mimi puts her lips on my cheek. "I love you, Sofia bear. Make sure daddy brings you back over to visit Mimi and Pappy, okay?"

I don't want Mimi. I don't want Pappy. I don't want dada. I want mama. I take suck in a breath again and start crying.

"Ehhhhhhhhhhhhh... Mama..." I sniff. "Maaamamaaaa..."

"Demi... I'm... I'm really sick of this. You need to come home. Your daughter... Sofia is crying for you." Dada is talking into something. Him puts it down though.

"Come on, baby. Let's go home." Dada grabs the handle of my seeseat. "Bye, ma. I'll call you later or something."

"Bye Joseph. Take care of my grandbaby, please."

"I will."

"And call me when you find out what's going on with Demi."

"Okay..." Dada shuts the door to Mimi's house and we walk to the car.

I guess no one cares that I want mama. Not even mama cares...

* * *

**Demi's Point of View.**

"Yeah, guys I'm gonna head home now." I gather up all my things and stand up from the chair I've been sitting in for the past two hours.

"It's only 8:30! Why are you leaving so early?!" My friend, Ivy grabs my arm and tries to make me sit back down.

"I have to. Joe's calling me and stuff. My baby's crying for me." I shake Ivy's hand off my arm and make her let me go.

"He's still harassing you? He's such a little pansy... He needs to let you have some fun, damn."

"Yeah, I know. But I have to leave. For my baby... She misses me." Just thinking about Sofia is reason enough to want to go home. I love my baby. But I'm a teenager, too. I need friends.

I push the lock button on my phone and look at my screensaver. My baby has bright hazel-ish brown eyes and thick brown hair. I remember when I look this picture. She was in the bath. "Isn't she so pretty?" I show Ivy and Hanna both.

"She is... Aww. Look at mini-Demi. She's a cutie." Hanna turns my phone to get a better look. "She's so cute."

"I know. She's just too pretty." I put my phone in my pocket. "I'll see you guys later."

"You wanna sip this before you leave?" Ivy offers me her red solo cup.

I really want to sip it, but number one, I'm driving. And number two, it hurt me so badly to not nurse Sofia earlier today. "No, I can't. I'm driving."

"Suit yourself. Love you, bitch. See you tomorrow!"

"Bye babes!" Hanna yells after me while I walk away. I wave.

Sofia is my motivation to go home. I know Joe will have a few choice words for me when I get home. I just hope it doesn't escalate into anything major.

I climb into the driver's seat and start my car. I pull out of the parking lot of Hanna's apartment and start driving home.

Joe doesn't understand that I can go out and be a mom too. I grab my phone and check my voicemail, because I know he left me one. "Demi... I'm...I'm sick of this. You need to come home. Your daughter... Sofia is crying for you."

I sigh and hang up the voicemail. He acts like I can't go out and get drunk or high just because I'm a mother. I'm allowed to go out with my friends, as long as I'm not mistreating Sofia.

I've only hurt Sofia once while I was intoxicated and under the influence. Joe never lets me forget it. He NEVER lets me forget what I did to Sofia. I can honestly say I haven't gotten that drunk or that high ever since it happened. I've slowed down a lot.

Joe doesn't understand that. All he sees is what I've done to Sofia. He doesn't see any of the good. ...Maybe I don't do any good.

I pull into me and Joe's driveway. Our house is huge. Our house is nice. We bought it together. It cost $518,000. We furnished it together too. It was perfect for after we got married.

I push the remote in my car to open the garage. Joe's car is in the garage. He's home.

I park my car next to his and turn it off. I get out and close the garage door.

It's funny how Joe and I live in such a beautiful house. A beautiful little family living in a beautiful little house. If only people knew about the horrible secrets and situations that go on between the walls of this beautiful house.

I open the side door in the garage and walk into the house into the basement. I kick off my shoes and walk up a small flight of steps to get onto the ground floor. The basement smells like dryer sheets. Joe's probably washing Sofia's clothes.

I go into the kitchen. Joe's in the kitchen, washing dishes at the sink. Sofia isn't anywhere to be found.

"...Hey." I lean against the counter that Joe's standing at to wash the dishes.

"Hi, Demi." His tone is harsh with me.

"...What'd you and Sofia do today?"

"Went to my mother's... Where she cried about you." Joe finishes up the dishes.

"...Joe... Please. Please don't start. I don't want to fight."

"I'm just letting you know that your daughter was crying for you. And you weren't there."

"Whatever. Why do you always have to pick a fucking fight with me?"

"Because, Demi. I want you to be a better mom for the little girl that's in there sleeping on the couch. You already lost me. I don't want you to lose her too."

"...I lost you?"

Joe sighs. "You know what I mean, Demi."

"No, I lost you? I did?" I'm going to cry. I'm going to cry so hard.

"No, Demi. It's just..."

"You don't love me anymore..."

"We've been falling out of love with each other for a while now... Don't act surprised."

"...You've been falling out of love with me. I love you. I still love you..."

"Demi... Don't put this back on me..."

"Joe, please. Don't... Don't give up on me." I walk to him with open arms. "I love you. I don't want to lose you..."

Surprisingly, Joe puts his arms around me too. He rubs my back. "I can't put up with it anymore, Dem. You have to go... Help yourself."

"...I don't need help..."

"Demi, yes you do. I can't have you... Shooting up... Snorting... It's okay if you need more help... It's okay. I was there the first time. I'll be there this time..." He holds me and rubs my back softly. Yeah, Joe hits me sometimes. He's slapped me in the face. He's kicked me down steps. He's even pushed me into walls. But he's a good man. He's a damn good man.

"Do you think you can love me again?" I look up at him with my jaw trembling.

"...Once you work on yourself... We can work on our relationship..."

"Promise?"

"I promise, babe. But you have to hell yourself... You have to."

I just nod. "...I'm gonna go see Sofia..."

"Alright... I'll cook us some dinner..." He lets me go.

"I love you..."

"Thank you..." Is all he says. It sucks how my husband won't tell me he loves me back.

I go into the living room. Sofia is snoozing on the couch. She's lying on her belly, and her head is to the side. Her cheek is smashed against the couch cushion, making her have fishy lips.

* * *

**Sofia's Point of View.**

"Sofiaaaaa... Sofia..."

I think that's my name. Who's callin me? I'm in nap right now. Come back later.

"Sofiaaaaa... Wake up... Mommy wants to see you..."

Mama? That's mama's voice. Mama.

I open up my eyes from nap and yawn. "Hehhhhhh..."

"Stinky breath..." Mama waves her hand. "Wake up, pretty." Mama picks me up.

"Muhh maaaa..." I tell her that I missed her. And I give her a big lip cheek.

"Awww... You givin mommy kissies? Thank you Sofia, thank you." Mama makes me lay on her and she rubs my head. "I love you so much boo boo."

I missed mama so much. Mama... I put my hand on mama's mouth. She puts her lips on it.

"Mwah." Mama smiles at me. "You need your diaper changed. You stinky." Mama stands up and leaves me sitting here.

Come back mama...

I sniff a little bit first then start crying. "Mmmmmm... Ehhhhhehh... Ma ma... Ma ma... Ehhhh..." Boogies are coming out of my nose and I don't sniff them up. "EHHHHHHH! EHHHHHHH! EHHHHHHEHHHHH!"

"Sofia... Calm down, boo boo. I'm here..." Mama comes back. I hold her hand. Don't leave me again mama... Don't leave me again...

"It's okay. Mommy's here... Mommy's here..." Mama picks me up and holds me. I stop crying.

"Mama..."

"Yeah. Mommy's here." Mama puts her lips on my cheek. "You need changed. Mommy just had to get you a new diaper and some wipies. That's all. She was coming back..." Mama lays me down on the floor. The floor is soft.

Mama unstraps my diapy and pulls it down. I hate gettin my diapy off.

Mama holds my feetsies in her hand and wipes my bummy. The wipies are cold.

"Sofia, you stinky. You stinky, baby. How can you be so pretty but stink so bad?" Mama puts a new diapy on me.

She rolls up my old diapy and picks me up. "Let's see what daddy is making..."

"Daw daw..."

"Yeah, daddy." Mama throws my diapy in the trash and walks over to dada.

"Dada!" I call him. I want him to look at me.

"What, Sofia?" Dada takes me off mama. "What pretty girl?"

I lay on dada. I like it when mama and dada don't fight. It makes me feel good.

"Give daddy a kiss, Sofia. Give him kissies." Mama tells me.

I put my lips on dada's cheek.

"Thank you Sofia. You're so sweet." Dada kisses my cheek back. "Now give mommy kissy. Give her a kissy."

I put my lips on mama's cheek.

"Thank you, boo boo." Mama kisses my cheek.

"Double kisses for Sofia!" Dada says.

Mama kisses one of my cheeks and dada kisses the other at the same time. It makes me laugh a lot.

"Heheh heheh... Hehhh..."

Mama is a good mama, I think. And dada is a good dada.

I love double kissies. They make me happy.

Mama and dada make me happy.

Do I make them happy?


	3. Not You

**Joe's Point of View.**

"I tend to think Sofia has a bit of separation... issues." Demi strikes up conversation with me. I honestly have no complaints about her at the moment. I have no complaints, because she's not high or drunk.

I can't believe that she's actually helping me clean up Sofia's bedroom. I usually have to pull her teeth to get her to help me. Then again, she's a much more pleasant person whenever she's not high or drunk.

I decide to be nice to her. She hasn't pissed me off yet. "Yeah? What makes you think that? I mean besides the fact that she screams bloody murder every time you're not within her proximity..." I run the sweeper on the carpet of Sofia's room.

I'm proud of Sofia's room. I decorated it myself. I installed the light pink carpets myself, and completed the floor with a Minnie Mouse rug. I painted the walls light pink myself. I hung up the Minnie Mouse pictures. Sofia has a beautiful bedroom.

Demi continues to put Sofia's clean clothes away. "Okay..." She chuckles. "But seriously. Why do you suppose the acts that way?"

"Because she loves you, Demi. Is it that hard to believe that your BABY loves you?"

"...Sometimes I don't understand why she would love me..." She takes a seat on the floor and starts folding a new load of clothes.

"Why you say that?" I turn the sweeper off.

"I mean... I know I'm not the greatest mom to her. It's just weird to know that she loves me despite how I treat her..." She holds a tiny pair of Sofia's pink socks in her hand.

"Then maybe you should start being a better mother." I sit down beside her on the floor and help her fold.

"It's kind of... Like... I try. I really try my best to be a good mom and have a social life too."

She's starting to make me angry. "You don't a fucking social life, Demi. You need to take care of your daughter."

"...See, this is why I never talk to you anymore. One minute you're being all civil with me and all nice to me, then the next minute you hate me again." She stands up and throws the pair of socks down.

"Demi, I'm just trying to get you to realize that you're only hurting Sofia in the end..."

"You tell me this every single fucking day."

"AND YOU STILL DON'T UNDERSTAND! You STILL don't understand."

"Understand what?! WHAT IS THERE TO UNDERSTAND? I understand perfectly. I understand that... My husband won't even tell me he loves me anymore. I understand that everything I EVER wanted in my life is flushed down the drain. I understand that I hurt my daughter, and you'll never let that go. And I understand that no matter what I do, it'll NEVER be good enough for you. So I drink. So I smoke sometimes. So I... Do other things... What does it matter?"

"WHAT DOES IT MATTER? WHAT DOES IT MATTER?" I grab Demi by her arms and push her against the wall. "IT MATTERS BECAUSE WHEN YOU'RE SO FUCKING HIGH, YOU HURT SOFIA. And now she might be taken away..." I yell in her face, so close that we're bumping noses. "I...Will NEVER... Love you again, Demi. EVER."

Demi is easily the most beautiful female I've ever laid eyes on aside from my daughter. Every aspect of her physical features are crafted to perfection, and even her true personality is amazing. It's just so easy for me to hate her. I hate her so much.

She looks into my eyes with tears collecting on the red rims of her beautiful, chocolate brown eyes. I stare at the cluster of light brown freckles on her nose. It makes it easier for me not to regret being mean to her.

"...You'll never love me again?" She puts her bottom lip in between her teeth and bites it.

"No. I won't. You blew it." I take my hands off her arms and leave the room.

I think I hear her softly sobbing when I leave.

* * *

**Demi's Point of View.**

Everyone has their different coping mechanisms. Some weird, some normal. Some harmful, others perfectly healthy.

Mine happens to be abnormal, and surprisingly, not at all harmful.

When I'm feeling sad, which I often do; sad is really an understatement, quite honestly. But when I'm sad, I have this weird little way of coping by holding Sofia and think about the times when I was pregnant.

Joe has a nasty way of breaking me completely down. I love him with every inch of my being, but he hates me. How can I not break down over something like that? He's the love of my life. I'm certain that I have never loved anyone the way I love him. I sound pathetic, I know; but I'm not going to let him go. Even though he doesn't love me, I refuse to let him go. I'm truly, madly and deeply in love with him.

I swipe the tears away from my eyes with my thumbs and suck it up, because I'm going to go get my baby.

I leave Sofia's room and walk across the hall to me and Joe's room. Well, it's actually just Joe's room, because Sofia usually sleeps in the bed with him and he makes me sleep on the couch.

Sofia is lying on the bed sleeping. She's so chubby and cute. I love her and care about her more than I care about and love myself. I don't think Joe realizes that I understand that I failed her. And I hate myself every single day for failing my baby. I failed to protect her.

"Sofia..." I whisper and shake her softly. "Sofia..."

She wrinkles her unruly little eyebrows and irritably whimpers. "Mhhh..."

"Sofia Ranae." I put my hands under her armpits and pick her up. She's a heavy little baby.

Her hair is all messed up and the entire left side of her face is bright red. She was sleeping hard.

"Pretty baby... Gimme that." I take her pacifier out of her mouth. She opens her eyes and lies against my chest. "You're so pretty... How did mommy get so lucky to have such a pretty baby?"

She lies against my chest and just rests. "Muhh..."

I love hearing her call my name. "What, baby? What?" I rub her back.

"Muhh..." She says again. She seems pretty happy. I'm surprised she's not cranky from just being woken up.

"You want to go take a bathy with mommy? Let's go take a bathy." I kiss her cheek. Her nose is crusted with snot and she smells like pee. She needs a bath.

I have a bad feeling about tomorrow. I hope nothing happens, but I really have a terrible feeling about tomorrow.

I hope they decide to leave us alone. I know I'm a bad mom, but I try. Doesn't that count for something?

I know I'm a bad mom, but I love my baby. And I'll be absolutely heartbroken if they take her away from me. I love her too much.

* * *

**Sofia's Point of View.**

I feel yucky. I feel yucky all I want is mama to hold me.

My nose is itchy and my neck is scratchy. My neck is so scratchy that noises keep coming from my mouth and I don't want them to.

"Ehhh hem ehh hem..." The noise comes from my mouth again. I just lay on mama. I love my mama. Her nice. Her good.

"Uh oh... Is my baby gettin sick?" Mama touches her hand hand to my head.

"Ehhh hem..." I sniff a boogie up my nose. Boogies are just coming out my nose like water. "Mama..." I tell her I feel yucky.

"Let's take a bathy and then I'll get you some medicine and something to eat. Okay baby?" Mama sits down on the bed with me on her legs and she takes my shirt off.

"Eh hem... Ehhh hem!" I can't get the noises to stop. My neck is too scratchy.

"Yeah, you have a fever." Mama takes off my diapy and lays me down. Don't lay me down mama. Hold me.

I hold my hands out to mama and start crying. Pick me up mama. "Maaaamaaaa... Ehhh... Mama... MUHHHH MUHHHH!"

"Hold on, Sofia. Hold on my love." Mama is taking off her shirt. Is she gonna give me mama milk? Mama milk is good.

Pick me up mama. Hold me. "MUHH MUHH..." I just want mama to hold me. Why won't she hold me?

"Hold on, love. Just hold on." Mama takes off her diapy too. Her diapy is pretty than mine. Her diapy is pink and dark with flowers on it. I want a diapy like that.

"Ehh hem... Ehhh em..." I sniff my boogies up again.

Mama picks me up. I like it better when mama holds me with no shirt on when I have no shirt on. When she does that, I feel like I did when I was all trapped up and warm again.

Mama takes me into her and dada's bathroom. I'm never in here. I'm not allowed in here.

"Ehh hem ehh hem." The noise comes out again and it makes me cry. I want it to stop. "Ehhhh... Ehhh... Mama..." I ask mama to make the noise stop.

"Hold on, pretty. I'll make you feel better..." Mama puts her talkie down on the floor and turns on the water.

Mama puts me down on the floor too. I grab her talkie. I like her talkie better than dada's talkie. Mama's talkie is white. Dada's talkie is black. I press a button on mama's talkie and it lights up.

"Put my phone down, Sofia. Let's take a bath..." Mama takes her talkie off me and puts it on the floor. She picks me up and sits down in the water with me.

I lay on mama and she rubs water all over my back. I put my hand on my yum yum. "Ehhh..." I want mama milk.

"Are you hungry?" Mama rubs my back some more.

"Ehh hem ehh hem..."

"Here, baby. Go ahead..." Mama puts my yum yum by my mouth and I drink it like a baba. Mama milk is very good.

I close my eyes while I drink. Mama rubs water all over my bummy.

I wonder if dada ever rubs water on mama's bunny when she feels yucky. I wonder why no one ever lets mama drink mama milk. I wish I was big enough to hold mama and rub water on her bummy and let her drink mama milk. Mama could use that sometimes.

I like getting bathies with mama better than getting bathies with dada. I like mama better because she don't have a snake. Dada has a snake that takes a bathy with him and I don't like it.

Sometimes I wonder why dada has a snake and mama and me don't. Mama has yum yums and dada doesn't. Me and mama are alike, because I think we both have no noes. Mama's no no is different from mine though.

I could drink mama milk forever. It's so good. I wonder how mama never runs out of mama milk.

"You're so pretty, Sofia... You're so pretty..." Mama rubs my hair.

Mama is pretty too. Mama is real pretty. Dada pretty too.

"Demi..." Dada's voice comes in the room. I open up my eyes but don't stop drinking mama milk.

"What?" Mama talks low.

"Your dinner is in the microwave." Dada opens up the door and steps in. "...Why are you breastfeeding her?"

"I'm clean, Joe." Mama looks down at me. She is so pretty.

"When's the last time you had something to drink?"

"...Last night."

"Alright. I love you." Dada moves closer to us.

"I... I love you too, Joe. I love you..." Mama smiles so big. She is so happy and pretty when she smiles.

"Not you. I was talking to Sofia." Dada leans down and kisses my head.

I love you too, Dada.

"Oh..." Mama says real low.

Dada leaves the bathroom and shuts the door. I just keep drinking my mama milk.

But water from mama's eye falls down and hits my cheek. I think dada made that happen.

I wish mama wasn't always so sad.


	4. Deserved

**Demi's Point of View.**

I'm really tired. I'm so ready to lie down and sleep. Today's been... Shitty to say the least.

As soon as I get Sofia down to sleep, Joe takes her off me and lies her in our bed on what used to be my side.

I take my robe off and put on clean underwear and a t-shirt to sleep in. I hang my robe back up on the door of our room and grab my pillow. "Goodnight..."

"Goodnight, Demi." Joe climbs in bed next to Sofia and shuts off the lamp next to the bed. The only light in our room is illuminating from the TV.

I take my pillow and a thick blanket and head downstairs. I start my nightly routine. I fluff up the couch cushions and throw the couch pillows down on the floor. I lie my pillow down on one end of the couch and throw my blanket down too.

I walk into the hallway to our front door. I make sure the security system is locked. I turn on the soft hallway light for myself and go get on the couch.

The couch is pretty comfortable, except for the fact that I can't move too much. My back hurts a lot, but it's bearable. I haven't slept through the night in six months though.

I shut off the living room lights and lie down. I wish I were high right now. Being high makes my back feel better when I sleep here.

But I don't have anything here to get me high. I don't bring drugs into the house anymore since Sofia hurt herself.

I close my eyes to try and fall asleep. It's eleven at night.

Outside, I hear the rumble of thunder. I hate thunderstorms in California, because they always turn into hurricane threats or something.

I try really hard to fall asleep before the thunderstorm hits. I close my eyes tighter and try to block out the really loud thunder.

One big, LOUD crack of thunder hits and literally shakes the house. A flash of lightning hits after that. I hope the power doesn't go out. I really hope the power doesn't go out.

I roll over on my stomach. The thunder just keeps hitting, and the lightning shortly after.

Another big crack of thunder hits and the brightest lightning I've ever seen strikes too. And next thing I know, I'm in the dark. The power went out. Fuck.

It's so dark down here. I don't want to sound like a little baby, but it's scary to be in the dark like this when you live in such a huge house.

Well, the worst he can say is no.

I grab my pillow and stand up from the couch. I'm shaking, that's how scared I am. Scary movies don't scare me. Haunted houses don't scare me. But being in the dark during a thunderstorm really scares me.

With shaky legs, I walk towards the steps, feeling my way around in the dark.

I make it upstairs and I walk to the bedroom. I knock on the door softly and open the door. "Joe?" I look in the room. I can't see much in the dark, but I can see that Joe's not in the bed and neither is Sofia.

I don't go in the room, because that's kind of wrong of me to invade his privacy. "Joe?" I call his name again.

"What, Demi?" He sounds annoyed.

"The power's out..." I say, still standing outside the door.

"No shit."

I look down. Don't cry, Demi. Don't cry. "...Can I come in?"

"Hold on! Damn..." He snaps at me. Did I say something? I'm sorry...

I rock back and forth, still shaking. Joe knows I hate the dark...

His heavy footsteps approach the door. He yanks it open, hurting my hand in the process. "Ouch..." I whisper.

"What do you want, Demi?"

"...Can I... Sleep in here? With you?" I grab a lock of my hair and twist it around my finger.

"No, Demi. It's just thunder. Go get on the couch... You'll be fine. When you close your eyes, it's dark anyway."

I'm glad it's dark. I'm glad he can't see the tears streaking down my cheeks. "Okay..." I turn around and walk back in the direction of the steps. Between tears and the darkness, I can't see the statue that's at the top of our steps. I bump into it. "Ow..."

Joe shuts the bedroom door. I walk slowly down the steps. While I'm on the steps, another ear-splitting crack of thunder hits.

I stop walking down the steps and I sit down on a step, cowering with my hands over my ears. I'm such a scaredy cat.

The thunder won't stop. The house keeps shaking.

When the thunder finally lets up, I take my pillow and go to the coat closet. The coat closet is the only room in the house that sound isn't amplified.

I put my pillow down on the floor and lie on it. I can still hear the thunder, but it's not as loud. I forgot my blanket, and I'm not coming out of this closet. So I grab a couple jackets off hangers and put them over myself. I close my eyes.

I'm finally falling asleep, despite the thunder. I think I'm falling asleep, because I'm crying. Crying always makes me sleepy.

"Demi..." I hear the creaking of the steps. He's coming downstairs. "Demi, I don't have time for this. Where are you?"

Still sleepy, I sit up and open the door to the coat closet. "In here..."

He has a candle in his hand. "What the hell... I won't even ask..." He rolls his eyes. "Get up and come get in the bed. Hurry up."

I stand up slowly and grab my pillow. I follow him back up the steps and into our bedroom.

"Where's Sofia?" I whisper.

"In her crib." Joe puts the candle down and climbs back between the sheets of the king-sized bed.

I put my pillow down and climb in bed too. "Why'd you put her in her crib?"

"Cause I was doing something in the bathroom. Lay down, Demi. Go to sleep." He pulls the covers off me so that he has more. I'm a little cold, but I'm just glad he's letting me in bed.

"Joe?"

He sighs again: "Whaaat?"

"...We can... We can have sex... You don't have to do that..." I know what he was doing in the bathroom. I know exactly what he was doing. I just have that feeling.

He stays quiet.

"...Do you want to?" I ask him.

"No, I'm fine. Go to sleep."

If he's masturbating, that must mean he's horny. If he's horny, we can have sex. I'm still his wife... That's what I'm here for. Why doesn't he want to touch me? "Okay..."

I roll over and take the little bit of covers he gave me and pull them up to my neck. I'm cold.

I close my eyes, and finally I fall asleep.

* * *

**Joe's Point of View.**

I won't lie or anything. Sex with Demi sounds damn good. I haven't had sex with her in... Two months.

But the way I'm feeling about her disgusting behavior lately, I'd rather jack off. We used to have great sex though. The sex used to be amazing. But I'd still rather jack off than sleep with her.

I don't know why I told her to get in the bed. I should've just let her sleep in the closet. She's nineteen years old, there's no way in hell she's afraid of thunder and lightning.

I have so much I need to do tomorrow after this CYS inspection. I have to get groceries in the house, I have to go to the courthouse and get these divorce papers... I have so much I need to do.

I also have to find Demi a house. She doesn't have much money, because she took a three month break from working to get some help. That's fine with me, though. I'll pay the rent to her new house. When we divorce, she can't live here with me. So I have to find her her own house.

I would tell her to go back home with her family, but they don't want anything to do with her either. I actually think her mom disowned her after she used Madison's money to buy cocaine. Her dad hit her real bad after that. Broke her nose, actually. Threw her against a wall too. Fractured her tailbone. When I finally took her to the hospital for it, she told the doctor she crashed her car.

I won't lie. I was upset when I found out that she walked to my house from her parents' house with a broken tailbone. They could've at least driven her. She deserved to be punished for using her little sister's money to buy cocaine, but her dad shouldn't have hit her like that.

Just thinking about it makes me a little sad.

I take some of my covers and tuck them over Demi. I make sure she's warm. She has been through a lot. Sometimes I feel bad about being mean to her, but I really can't help it. Especially when I think about what she did to Sofia.

I lean over and kiss her cheek. "Sleep tight, baby."

I do realize that everyone gives up on Demi. Hell, even I've given up on her. She's been through a whole lot though. The day her dad hit her like that, she still wanted to go to their house and apologize. The day her mom officially disowned her, she still wanted to go over the house and take Madison out to eat. And every single holiday, no matter how stupid the holiday is, she sends her parents a present in the mail. She's a very nice person.

I know I'm mean to her, and I know I tend to put my hands on her, but I never hit her like her dad did. And when I do hit her, I'm ashamed. I need help too.

When Demi's not drunk or high, she's a beautiful person. And people tend to take advantage of her. So if I can give her a pleasant night's rest, I will. Because she deserves at least that. That's why I got her out of the coat closet.

I tuck her in the bed and kiss her cheek yet again. "Goodnight, Demi."

I'm still going to get the divorce papers tomorrow. Because divorcing is better than having us fight all the time in front of Sofia.

But I don't know if I'm going to file them. I don't know if I can do that to her.

Her parents left her. I don't want to leave her too.

She can change, if she agrees to get more help.

And when... WHEN my baby changes, I want to be there for her.

I might not file them.


	5. Remember Them

**Sofia's Point of View.**

"Demi, what am I supposed to do with her?"

Mama is sitting on the couch doing something. Her is playing with the stuff she puts on my bummy. "Do with what?" Something is funny to Mama. Her laughs.

"The baby... What am I supposed to do with her?" Mama's friend has me on her legs. I don't like her. Her smells like nasty.

"Oh, just put her down on the floor. Let her crawl around." Mama keeps playing with the stuff she puts on my bummy. I wanna play too mama.

Mama's friend puts me on the floor. Thank you. You were smelling like nasty.

Mama's too far away. I need her to come here. "Muhh muhh." I hold my arms out to her.

Mama doesn't stop playing with the stuff. That's okay mama. You're having fun. I'll come to you.

I fall down on my tummy and move. Dada says I crawl wrong, but it lets me move so it must not be too wrong. I move on my tummy to the table mama's at. "Muhh muh..."

"No, Sofia. Go play." Mama makes the stuff into a line.

I'm trying to play mama. I want to play with you. I wanna play with the stuff you put on my bummy too. "Muhh muhh..."

"Sofia, GO. NOW." Mama's yelling at me. Her isn't nice right now.

I sit up and lean against the couch. Mama doesn't want me to play with her. That's fine. I'll just watch her play.

Mama has a lot of friends. I wish I have a lot of friends. Alls I got is Minnie Mouse and my Buzz Lightyear.

"Here. I'll take her." Mama's friend picks me up. Him is ugly. Put me down. I want my mama. "You gotta give her something to play with, Demi."

"Fine. You break it up while I go upstairs and grab her a toy." Mama gets meanie to her friend.

"You know I can't break it up. I don't know how..."

"Exactly. So shut the fuck up." Mama keeps playing with the stuff. It looks fun.

"Here you go. Play with this." Mama's friend gives me something to play with. It's long and skinny and the top is weird.

I wonder what it taste like. I put it in my mouth. Nope. Don't taste good. Yucky.

"No you didn't give my baby a syringe. What's WRONG with you?" Mama gets up fast and takes it away from me. "Gimme, Sofia. That's cucka. Not good. Bad."

Why you take my toy mama? I was just playin with it...

"Where's the needle to this?" Mama asks her fried.

"There wasn't one in there." Mama's friend says.

"Whatever." Mama sits back down and keeps playing with the stuff. That stuff looks fun. I really want to play with it.

"Mama..." I reach my arms out to her.

Her doesn't answer me.

Something rolls down the couch and touches my leg. I pick it up. It's long and really skinny. And sharp. No good. Cucka. I should give this to mama.

I pick it up and lean forward to give it to mama. "Mama..."

"Ivy, watch that she doesn't lean too far off that couch..." Mama doesn't even look at me.

Mama's other friend with white hair looks at me. "She's fine."

I lean a little further and hold out the cucka in my hand. Here mama... Take it. It's cucka. "Muhh muhh..."

"Hush, Sofia."

I leaned a little too far, because now I'm fallin off the couch. Mama, catch me.

I hit down on the floor hard. Owwie... My head hurts. Owwie... Mama... "...Ehhhhhh! Ehhhhehh! Ehhh!"

"IVY, I TOLD YOU TO WATCH HER!" Mama gets up again and runs to me. Mama picks me up. Yay. "What's wrong, honey? Your head?" Mama kisses my head. It still owwie.

Oh! I should give her the cucka now... I hold out my hand. "Muhh muhh..."

"Yeah, I'm mommy sweetie." Her puts her mouth on my hand.

The cucka isn't in my hand. Why isn't it in my hand? Where'd the cucka go?

"Demi, her foot!" Mama's friend with the black hair yells.

"What? What about her foot?" Mama looks down. "OH MY GOD!"

What's wrong? What's a foot?

"Don't pull it out yet... Wait.. Wait..."

"WAIT FOR WHAT? THE POLICE TO GET HERE? SO THEY CAN SEE THAT MY BABY HAS A NEEDLE IN HER FOOT?!" Mama is screaming so loud. What's wrong?

Mama puts me down on the couch and sits in front of me. Her grabs my feetsie.

The cucka is in my feetsie? The cucka is in my feetsie! DADA!

"Oh my god, it's in there too deep. I can't pull it out." Mama grabs the cucka. Owwie... It hurts bad. Owwie!

"Ew, Demi. You said it's in there too deep..." Mama's other friend laughs.

"SHUT UP, IVY. For fuck's sake, SHUT UP." Mama pulls on the cucka.

"Ehhhhh! Ehhhh!" Stop it mama! It hurt!

"Shhh, Sofia..." Something shakes me.

Stop it mama! "EHHHHH!"

"Sofia..." Something shakes me again.

"Ehh..."

"Sofia..." And again.

"Ehhh!"

"Sofia, honey. Wake up, baby..."

Someone shakes me. Mama?

I'm in night night. The whole time, I was in night night?

I open my eyes. Mama's standing in front of me. Mama...

"Come on, baby girl. Come on..." Mama picks me up and I lay on her. Mama... I love mama.

"Good morning, baby. Good morning..." Mama kisses my cheek.

Morning mama. "Mmmmhehh..." Where's dada? "DADA!"

"Dada's not home, sweetie. He went to go get food..."

Oh... Dada went to go get eat eat. Okay.

Mama lies me down on the table and takes off my diapy. I don't like it when she does this.

Her uses a wipe to wipe off my bummy and my no no. "Sofia, stop squirming." Mama wipes my no no some more.

I accidentally poof at mama. I poofed at dada once and him called me nasty. It was funny.

"...Ew, Sofia. Excuse yourself..." Mama starts wiping my bummy instead of my no no.

I accidentally poof again. "Hmm hmm..." I giggle.

"You have gas. You're a gassy baby this morning." Mama puts a diapy on me and throws out my old one. I wonder if mama poofs.

Dada poofs and it stinkies SO bad.

* * *

**Demi's Point of View.**

The CYS inspection went over surprisingly well. All they did was ask me and Joe some questions while they looked around in the house.

They talked to me privately. They asked me if I was still fueling my drug habit. I lied and said no. They asked for me to take a drug test, but the inspection time was up before they could administer it. I was grateful for that.

Sofia slept through the entire thing, and I was honestly grateful. I slept pretty good last night. I'm very graceful that Joe let me sleep in the bed.

I don't like how once you're involved with CYS, you're involved for life. They just won't leave us alone. I suppose it's all my fault. If we would have never had to go to the emergency room because of her foot, this would have never happened.

It's a shame how much people look down on you whenever you're involved with CYS too. I mean, I know I'm nineteen years old and all, but why wouldn't the hospital call someone for me whenever I came to the emergency room with a broken tailbone and a broken nose?

I told them that I wrecked the car, but still. Aren't they supposed to confirm that with the police?

That day was awful. I never knew that my dad could hit so hard. I suppose I deserved it, for what I did. I tried to apologize and give the money back out of my own paycheck, but I couldn't. He punched me. Right between my eyes on the bridge of my nose. I heard it crack when it happened. The underneath of my eyes turned purple and my nose didn't stop bleeding for three hours.

Then, I thought he was done hitting me. But I was wrong. He just kept hitting me and hitting me and hitting me. My lip wound up busted. And my mom just watched. And she cried. But she cried for Madison. She didn't cry for me.

And I figured that Maddie was the one I owed an apology to. So I tried to apologize to her. But my dad told me to leave because he didn't want me to scare her with my nose leaking the way it was. But I knew that I wasn't ever gonna come back to the house, so I had to apologize right away. When I refused to leave without apologizing to Maddie, he picked me up by the collar of my shirt. He choked me and threw me against the wall. I heard another crack.

And then, my mom told me to get out. But I couldn't get up. So she made me crawl to the door. And she slammed it in my bloody face.

I stayed there on the porch for about a half hour debating on what to do. I wanted to grab my phone and call Joe, but my phone was in my back pocket and to touch my tailbone meant excruciating pain.

So finally, Dallas came outside. She was crying a whole bunch. And she went back in to grab her car keys so she could drive me home. But my dad said she wasn't allowed to drive me home. And them two fought. Dallas told him that he should at least drive me home because I couldn't move. But my dad said I needed to get off his porch within five minutes or he's calling the police on me to tell them that I'm buying illegal drugs.

So with a bloody nose, a headache, not being able to breathe through my nose, and a crushed tailbone, I walked. Two miles back to my house. Every single step I took, I heard my bones shifting. It took me an hour and a half to get home. I collapsed on the porch and begged Joe to help me through a locked door.

By that time, my dad already told him that I used Madison's money for drugs. Joe was angry with me. He wouldn't open the door. But when he finally did, he cried. And he picked me up. And he immediately took me to the hospital, begging me to hold on. I wasn't dying, but Joe was convinced that I was. And honestly...

That was the last time I recall Joe kissing me like he loved me.

But even then, he didn't tell me he loved me.

* * *

**Joe's Point of View.**

"Demi... Sofia... I'm home." I call out as soon as I walk through the front door. I put the divorce papers down on the table in the hallway and carry all the grocery bags to the kitchen. "Demi!"

I still don't get an answer from her. I look from the living room into the kitchen. Sofia's in her playpen watching TV. Let me go get her.

"Sofia... Hi baby." I pick Sofia up right away and kiss her on her cheek. I glance over and see that Demi is sleeping peacefully on the couch.

"Let's wake mommy up, Sofia. Let's wake her up..." I take Sofia over to Demi.

"Wake up, Demi... Wake up." I tap her on her shoulder.

She moves a little but eventually opens her eyes. "...I fell asleep? I'm sorry..." She yawns.

"Don't be sorry." I put Sofia down on the floor. "Did you sleep okay last night?" I promised myself this morning that I was going to try to be nicer to Demi if she didn't piss me off.

"Mhm..." She nods.

"If you're still tired, go get in the bed. I'll watch Sofia..."

"Mmmkay..." She yawns again.

"I bought you some stuff at the store..." I sit the bag of her things down. "I got you some sleep medicine. Some more IcyHot. Shampoo. Conditioner. More tampons... Some cream to put on your boobs. I saw they looked a little raw yesterday in the bath... And a Hershey bar." I hesitate, but lean in and kiss her anyway.

"...Thank you... Thank you." She looks like she's going to cry. I feel like shit, but it feels good to be nice to her. It feels real good. She's not drunk. She's not high. I want her to stay like this.

"No problem..." I move her hair away from her beautiful face. "Are you sore right now?"

"A little..."

"Take your underwear off. I'll rub you down." I grab the IcyHot out of the bag.

Slowly, she stands up. Her tailbone still bothers her. It's healing still. It only happened last month.

She lies a blanket down on the couch and takes her panties off. She lies on her stomach on top of the blanket.

I open the IcyHot up and sit down between her parted legs, careful not to hurt her. I lift up her shirt so that her lower back and her butt is bare and exposed. "Let me know if I hurt you..." I squeeze some IcyHot on my hand and start rubbing her on her lower back and her butt.

Not that I don't find Demi extremely attractive, but I'm just not thinking of her like that anymore. I still think she's sexy. She's hot. She's beautiful. I'd STILL fuck her brains out. But I don't think of her sexually anymore. So rubbing her butt isn't really a thing to me. I don't even get hard.

I squeeze more IcyHot into the palm of my hand and massage her butt some more. She has an amazing ass. It's huge. It's round. It's soft. It jiggles. I used to LOVE playing with it, slapping it, licking it, doing some NASTY shit to it, but it's just not... Appetizing to me anymore. "You alright?" I ask her.

She nods.

"What about your hips? They sore too?"

"A little bit..."

I lift her up so that her ass is in the air. I have to rub her hips down too. I squeeze more IcyHot into my hands and massage her hips.

My hands graze along the top parts of her. I can't tell you how long it's been since I've seen it. I don't even look at it anymore. Again, it doesn't appeal to me. I remember what it looks like though. It was shaved. And it was pink on the inside. But from what I feel now, it's not shaved anymore. It's hairy. And the hair on it is very soft. "You stopped shaving..."

I think she's sleeping. Or she just took a while to reply. "...I don't have a reason to anymore..."

"What do you mean?" I keep massaging her hips.

"I don't get any play..." She shrugs.

"None?"

She shakes her head. "I don't cheat on you... And we don't have sex..."

"You don't sleep with other guys?" I can't resist. I reach all the way forward and play with the hair. It's super hairy. It's so soft too. And it lies down.

"No... I don't cheat on you..." She lets me go. "I mean, other guys ask me to. But I just don't do it..."

"You know you can. You know I don't care if you do."

"I don't want anyone else..."

Ouch. That just shot me. Right in the heart. "Oh..." She knows that I've been sleeping with Ashley. She knows that. It's not exactly cheating, because she knows about it, I tell her about it, and we're pretty much separated just living in the same house. And plus, I don't sleep with her every day. It's like a once a month thing.

I stop playing with the hair. "You should..." I stop rubbing her body too. "I won't care if you sleep with other people..."

"I don't... WANT anyone else. Believe me, I get offers. Guys BEG me to just give me oral. But I don't want anyone else. I want you..."

Thinking about it, I'd probably be a little pissed if she did.

I'll stop sleeping with Ashley.

Who am I kidding? I'd be PISSED OFF if I found out that MY Demi was fucking someone else. She's mine. All mine. MINE.

Yeah, I'll stop sleeping with Ashley. I promise myself that I will. Because I would go on a fucking rampage if I found out some other dude was inside my Demi.

I get up from the couch and screw the cap back on the IcyHot. "Demi?"

"What?"

"Keep it that way. Don't you sleep with anyone else." I kiss the top of her head. "I don't wanna kill anyone."

She laughs. "Okay..."

"And I won't sleep with Ashley anymore. I promise..."

"I love you, Joe."

I'm half tempted to say it back. But I don't want to say it unless I really mean it. And I think the only reason I'm tempted is because she's sober. I have to mean it. And NOT just when she's sober.

"Take a nap, babe. I'll be here when you wake up..." I pull covers over her bare ass. I lean down and kiss her on her lips.

She closes her eyes.

I walk back to the kitchen. On my way to the kitchen, I pass the divorce papers.

I pick them up.

I take them into the kitchen, and I stick them on top of the fridge. I'll forget about them if they're up there. And if I remember them...

I'll fill them out.

But that's only IF I remember them.


	6. Scared Me

**Joe's Point of View.**

"Oooh, remember how pissed your mom was when we told her that I was pregnant?" Demi crosses her legs on the couch and eats her rice with chopsticks. I always wanted to learn how to eat with chopsticks. Demi's the only person I know that can do it.

"Yep. And I remember how you cried all night when you got your first stretch mark." I laugh and pick up a piece of my chicken with a fork. Chinese food for dinner is something we always used to eat when she was pregnant.

She chuckles. "My body is so ugly now."

"No it's not, babe. Your body is beautiful." I put my container down and grab her around her waist.

"...Nuh uh. It's all gross from me gaining all that weight... Even my boobs have stretch marks..."

"You didn't even gain that much weight when you were pregnant. Sofia was a tiny baby."

"I'm not talking about pregnancy weight..."

"...Babe, don't. Don't, don't, don't. Don't." I grab her container of food and put it on the table next to mine. I lie her down and lie on top of her, kissing her on her lips. "You're perfect, Demi. You're perfect."

She smiles at me. "Do you love me now?"

"Demi..." I don't understand why she has to do this. Why can't she just leave it alone.

"Sorry." She looks away from me. I have honestly never seen Demi so upset before.

"...Babe. Just... Let it be." I kiss her on her lips again. "I like it the way it is right now..."

"Okay."

I get off her and she sits up too. She leans against me. "Will you go buy me cigarettes?"

"Cigarettes? Since when do you smoke?!"

"...A while now... But Hanna always buys them for me... Because she's 21..."

"Ew. No. I'm not buying you shit. That's disgusting."

"I think beer is disgusting but I still let you drink it."

"Forget it, Demi. I'm not buying you cigarettes. That's gross."

"I'll just ask Hanna to buy them for me." She gets up off the couch and grabs her cell phone.

"Demi, STOP. You're not bringing cigarettes in this house. Especially when Sofia has asthma. Gimme your phone." I get up and follow her.

"I obviously don't smoke around Sofia. I'm allowed to have cigarettes if I want cigarettes." She pulls her phone away from me. "Go away..."

"Not in my house! GIVE ME YOUR PHONE."

"No!"

Why does she make me this damn angry? Why does she have to test me like this?

"I said NO. You're not smoking in this house, and that's what I meant. Give me your fucking phone, Demi. Before I really hurt you."

She looks at me. "I wouldn't smoke in the house..."

"You're not smoking at all. And if I find out that you have cigarettes, I'm done. Done with you. And I'm taking Sofia."

"Why?! It's just a cigarette. I'm not getting high or anything. You don't let me do anything!"

"Damn straight. Now get out of my face."

She hangs her head shamefully and walks to the steps. Fighting with Demi is like fighting with a bull. She is so damn stubborn.

* * *

**Demi's Point of View.**

I can't do anything around Joe. I can't even smoke.

What more does he want from me? It's not like I'm addicted to cigarettes. I'm not addicted to them, they just help a lot whenever I want to do worse things, like cocaine.

Joe will never understand. He will never understand what this is like for me.

I just want to go to sleep. I just want to sleep and hope that I feel better in the morning.

I'm trying. I'm really trying to ditch the habit. I haven't done anything since yesterday. It's getting really hard. My arms and legs are tingling and stuff. But I'm really trying.

I've been ignoring Hanna and Ivy both. They're my friends, so I really want to talk to them. But I know if I talk to them, they'll convince me to go out with them.

I want to go see my mom. I want my dad. I want my sisters, my dogs. I want my family. But they don't love me. Nobody loves me anymore.

Not my family, not Joe's family. Joe's family REALLY don't like me. Almost as much as my own family. Not even Joe loves me.

I just want someone that I love to love me back.

I curl up in me and Joe's bed and close my eyes. I think I'm going through withdrawal, with my arms burning and tingling like they are right now. I just wanna sleep.

"Demi... DEMI!" Joe screams. His voice hurts.

I cover my ears. "What?"

"I'm taking Sofia to my mom's." He opens the door. "We'll be back."

"...May I come?" I lift my head slightly. I want to go...

"...You know that isn't a good idea. You should probably just stay here..."

"I know... Sorry for asking..."

"We won't be long... I promise."

"Okay... I love you..." Please say it back. Please say it. I would die just to hear someone say they love me too.

"See you later." He completely ignores me. He shuts the door and I'm alone in the darkness.

I must be unloveable. Why doesn't anyone just love me.

I need to get high. I need to get high before I do something horrible.

Then again, if I did do something horrible, it wouldn't make a difference. My dad hates me. My mom does. My sisters don't talk to me. Joe hates me. If I did something horrible, everyone's lives would be better. Including Sofia's.

I get up from the bed with shaky legs. I have to go get my stash. I only have a little bit. I don't have a lot. It probably won't get me high, but it'll sure make me feel a little better.

I walk downstairs to the kitchen. I grab a chair and put it next to the fridge.

I stand on top of the chair and look on the fridge for my stash. Nothing but a bunch of papers up here. I move the papers and there it is. I grab the plastic bag.

What are all these papers for? I grab them and sit on the chair. I can't see anything. I flip the lights on and settle in to read the papers.

Matrimonial Dissolution.

Between Joseph Adam Jonas, petitioner and Demetria Devonne Lovato-Jonas, responder.

Matrimonial dissolution? What does that mean? I've never heard that before.

I grab my phone and punch "matrimonial dissolution" into google. I search and wait for the results. It pops up. "Separation and Dissolution(Divorce)."

Divorce? Divorce? These are divorce papers? Why does he have divorce papers? Oh god.

I grab my phone again and dial his number. My fingers are shaking so bad.

"What, Demi?" He answers. He sounds like he's out of breath. He's probably working out with Nick or something.

"...I love you.. I love you, so much. I love you... I don't care if you don't love me back... I still love you." I'm melting down. Oh my god, my head is spinning. My heart is hurting. The tears won't stop. I think I'm dying.

"What are you talking about, Demi?"

"I love you so much. I love you... I love you... It hurts..." I cry to him. I just want him to understand...

"What hurts?" He grunts. He's definitely working out with Nick.

"My heart... It hurts... It hurts..." I'm gonna throw up. I'm gonna puke.

"Calm down, Demi... What happened?" He sounds clearer now. He must've turned off the machine he was on.

"Please don't leave me... Please...

Please... I love you... Please don't... Please don't divorce me... You can do whatever you want, just don't leave me... I don't wanna be alone..."

"Demi... We need to discuss this later. I'm not... I mean, I'm... I'm not in the position to discuss this with you right now..."

"Please, no... Please... I... I just wanna die... I don't want to live..."

"DEMI, CALM DOWN."

"I have to go..."

"DEMI... DEMI... Demi, baby. Listen to me... Don't do anything... Don't do anything stupid, baby..."

"It's not stupid... It's better..."

"Please just hold on, baby. Hold on. I'm coming home.. I'm coming home..."

I just hang up on him. There's no talking me out of this one. He's going to divorce me. Now I'm really going to be alone.

Is it too much to ask for someone to fucking love me as much as I love them?

Is that too much?

* * *

**Joe's Point of View.**

"I gotta go... I'm leaving.. Where's my daughter?"

"She's in the living room. I turned on Sesame Street for her... Why are you leaving?"

"It's Demi... She's not doing good. I have to go right now... Get off me..."

"Joe... Joey... You don't have to leave right away... Let me finish..."

"Ashley, get off me. My WIFE... Is hurting.. I HAVE to leave." I push her away again and stand up. I put my stuff back in my boxers and zip my pants back up.

She wipes off the corners of her mouth and licks her lips. "Come back, baby... I stay up late..." She kisses my neck.

"Don't you remember what I came here for?!" I put Sofia's shoes back on her feet. She's really into her TV show.

"You were serious?!" Ashley puts her robe back on.

"Yeah, I was serious! I told you, I'm done. I can't keep doing this. I have a wife..."

"You don't even love her! You hate her!"

"I gotta go, Ashley."

"You told me you loved me, Joe. You told me you did! And you said... YOU PROMISED that we'd be together once you left her. She's pathetic..."

"Bye, Ashley." I hoist Sofia on my hip and leave out the front door. Please let Demi be okay... Please.

I strap Sofia in her car seat and get in the driver's seat. I start the car and speed away. Our house is only two streets down from Ashley's house, but I still need to drive fast.

I don't even park in our driveway. I park on the street. I grab Sofia out of the car and run to the front door. I push it open without hesitation and put Sofia on the couch. "DEMI?!"

I look in the living room. Not there.

"DEMI!" I look in the kitchen. There's a half empty bag of cocaine on the floor next to the divorce papers.

"DEMI!" I run upstairs to our bedroom. She's not in here either.

"DEMI! BABY..." I check in our bathroom. Nope.

I run downstairs. I check outside in the backyard. Not there.

I look in the pool. Not there.

"DEMI!" I run back in the house and check the basement. Not there.

I check in our studio. Not there either.

"Demi... Baby..." It was only a matter of time before I started to cry. I wipe my eyes. "Where are you, baby?"

My god, I know where she is. I rush to the hallway and yank on the door to the coat closet.

When I open the door, she spills out. She's breathing. She's alive. Thank god.

"Demi..." I get on the floor with her and hold her. I rock with her and rub her hair. "Baby... You scared me..."

She opens her eyes. "Joe..."

"Shhh... Shhh... I'm here... I'm here..." I kiss her cheek and keep rubbing her hair. She's okay... She's okay...

God, she scared the living shit out of me.

She better not ever do that again.


	7. Dreams

**Joe's Point of View.**

"Joe?" Her voice is raspy. I don't want her to talk. She sounds like she's straining.

I rub her on her lower back. "What, honey?" I keep covers over her to make sure she's warm.

"...Why do you have them?"

"Have what, beautiful?"

"Divorce papers..."

"Don't worry about them, baby... Don't worry..."

"Please don't leave me..."

"I'm not going anywhere right now, baby..." I kiss her on her head. "Just rest... Okay? Sleep..."

"Okay..." She snuggles up next to me in the bed and I hold her.

I can't stop thinking about everything that happened today. Today was easily the scariest and the hardest day I've ever had in my life.

I can't even begin to imagine what would have happened if I would have came home to a dead Demi. I can't lose her. I'm afraid to lose her.

I still won't say that I love her, because I'm not sure if I truly do, but I definitely care about her more than normal. I think I love her. But I have to be able to say it at all times. I can't just love her when she's sober. I have to love her when she's high too, and I don't.

"Demi?" I whisper. I want to tell her that I think I love her.

She doesn't say anything. She just breathes softly and continues to use my chest as her pillow. I'll tell her tomorrow when she's actually awake.

"Sleep tight, baby girl." I rub her on her back again and collapse my head on top of hers. When I hold Demi, I feel complete.

I fall into a deep sleep, and I dream. I dream about the times me and Demi were happy. I dream about the times where drugs were the least of her problems. I dream about the times where I would hold her until she wasn't scared anymore. The times where she was my best friend, and I would make sure she wasn't cutting, or purging.

I dream about the time we were happiest.

I dream about our wedding day.

And I will say that it's a beautiful dream.

She looks beautiful. Her dress isn't the typical white wedding dress. Her dress is dark brown and tight. It's long and ruffles at the end. Her beautiful dark brown hair is tied up with a white and silver pearl clip. It's in an elegant bun with pieces of curly hair hanging down. Watching her walk down the aisle, I am breathless. She is beautiful.

I focus my attention on the not-yet-visible, but slightly noticeable swelling bulge in her tight gown. Even though our baby isn't here yet, she's still able to share in this moment of her mommy and daddy getting married.

When we say our vows, I put my hand on her stomach. When I say my vows, I'm speaking to both Demi and our unborn beautiful baby girl.

I smile in my sleep.

It's such a pleasant dream.

* * *

**Sofia's Point of View.**

"Mama... Mama..." I snack my hands down on my crib. Snacking on my crib works most of the time when I want mama. I want mama.

"MAMA!" I yell her name out. Where her go?

"MAMA!" Why won't her answer me. I just want mama...

I never night night in here. I don't want to night night in here. "MAMA!"

I sit down and start to cry. Mama... Come get me... Please mama...

"EHHHHHHHH!" I sniff. Mama... "EHHHHH!" I hate crying. My belly and my head hurts when I cry.

The door opens up. Finally. Mama.

Dada walks over to my crib. "What's the matter, Sofia?" Dada picks me up.

"Mama..." I tell him that I want mama. Take me to mama, dada.

"Mama's sleep, honey. Like you should be." Dada yawns. Him was probably night night too.

"Muhhmuhhmuhhh..."

"No mama Sofia. Night night, sweetie."

"Muh muh..." I yawn. My eyes hurt. "Mama..."

"Go night night, Sofia..." Dada makes me lay on him. No night night. Mama.

"Muhh!"

"Alright. I'll take you to mama..." Dada yawns again. Him sleepy. I not sleepy.

Dada takes me to mama. Mama night night in bed. I night night too. "Mama..."

"Demi..." Dada shakes mama.

Mama whines like I do when her wakes me up from nap. I don't like being wake up from nap so I'm sorry for mama. "Whaaat?" Mama asks dada.

"Sofia wants you..."

"Sofia?" Mama yawns.

"Yeah, Sofia. Here..."

Mama takes me off dada and holds me. Mama...

I love mama... Mama good. Mama make me happy. I no care her hurt my feetsie. I no care. Mama good.

I no want mama to leave me again like her did before. That was bad.

I want to keep mama forever.

* * *

**Demi's Point of View.**

"Go night night, Sofia." I rock her and kiss her on her cheek.

It really blows my mind how much Sofia loves me regardless. I'm not the best mom to her, but she loves me unconditionally. I always thought that maybe Joe would win her over in my eyes just because he's always there for her. But it's clear that she favors me over Joe.

Sometimes, I wish I knew what goes on in Sofia little mind. Does she love me? Does she not hold on grudge against me for hurting her? Or does she not even realize? Why does she not hate me?

"Night night, Sofia..." I kiss her cheek. She lies in my arms, fast asleep. She's so chubby and so cute that I can't believe me and Joe made this.

Maybe Sofia doesn't hate me, because she remembers me when I was pregnant. Is it possible that a baby can remember what it was like to be in her mommy's tummy?

"She's asleep, Joe." I say.

"You want me to take her back so we can go back to sleep?"

"Yeah..." I hand Sofia back to him.

"I'm a little pissed that I had to wake up..." Joe yawns and takes Sofia from me.

"Why?"

"Cause I was having a good ass dream..."

"What about?"

"...You don't need to know." He smiles at me and takes Sofia back to her room.

Now I really want to know what he was dreaming about. I'm curious.

He comes back in the room and gets back in the bed.

I lie back on his chest and he holds me. "Seriously, what were you dreaming about?"

"You don't need to know, Demi." He holds me and kisses my cheek.

"But I wanna know... What are you? Afraid that your dream won't come true if you tell me?"

"No..." He rubs my back. "It already came true..."

"Then what was it?!"

"I dreamt about our wedding, baby. That's all." He kisses me on my lips.

"Really?"

"Really." He rubs my back.

I blush a little. I love him so much. I wonder if he's starting to love me back again.

I just wonder.


	8. Bye Byes

**Demi's Point of View.**

"He doesn't love you, Demi. He never did. I tried to tell you that." Ivy takes a drag of the white and blue pipe and passes it to me. If anyone didn't know, they'd swear we were smoking weed. But what's in this pipe is a lot stronger than weed.

"But I thought..." I take a drag of the pipe too. I can't describe the feeling I get when I smoke, snort or shoot up. It's indescribable. It sounds pathetic, but it feels good. "He told me that e could fall back in love with me. But then he goes out and gets divorce papers. He confuses me..."

"I totally agree with Ivy. I mean, if he loved you the way he claims he does, he wouldn't do the stuff he does to you." Hanna grabs the pipe off me.

Ivy and Hanna are two of my best friends. The only problem I have with them is that we always have to smoke or drink. We can never just hang out. I swore that I'd try to stop with the drugs, but it's impossible to stop when my only friends pressure me into it.

"He doesn't treat me THAT bad..."

"Bad enough to make you cry everyday." Ivy passes the pipe right back to me.

I take a drag of it. I'm so high right now it's crazy. I guess it's bad when I can smoke so much crack and still be able to function close to normal.

How did I let this happen to me?

"...You guys ever think about what life would be like when we stop?" I don't think Ivy and Hanna are the same as I am. The thing is, I have the desire to stop. They don't. I think about what my life will be like if I don't kick this soon. I don't think they do.

"What do you mean?" Hanna reloads the pipe with more and more crack. I can't smoke anymore. I just can't do it. Can't you die from smoking this much? We've already gone through two dime bags of crack.

"Like... Someday we'll have to stop, right?"

"Stop what? Smoking and shooting and snorting?" Ivy asks.

"Yeah..."

"Well... I've never really thought about that... I mean, I don't think I ever will stop..." Ivy helps Hanna pack the powder down in the pipe.

"Ever?"

"Ever."

She doesn't think she'll ever stop? "Well, don't you kind of have to? Eventually it will kill you, right?"

"I've taken three overdoses, Demi. Three. And nothing's happened to me yet..." Hanna chuckles.

"And I've taken two before. It's not that big of a deal." Ivy shrugs and lights the pipe up. Hanna hands me a needle, because she knows I prefer to shoot it up.

I've never taken an overdose before. And I don't really think I want to. In already high as fuck. "Nah... I don't want any of this." I refuse the needle and syringe.

I look at myself in the mirror. I don't even look like Demi. I look a mess. My arms are all scarred up from cuts that don't exist anymore and from needles being shot into my veins. My eyes are glossy, with purplish bruises user them. I look older than nineteen. I look like I'm at least 30.

"...I'm going to head home now..." I get up. I'm a little stumbly, but I'm okay to drive home. I always drive home when I'm high. I'm just never usually this high.

"Are you pussying out on us, Dem?" Hanna laughs at me.

"No... I'm just... Not feeling this anymore. I have a baby..." My high is wearing off. That's one of the worst things about cocaine. I can either smoke it, snort it or shoot it up, and less than an hour after I do it, my high has ready worn off. I think that's why cocaine is so addictive. It wears off fast then I immediately need more.

"Sofia is FINE, Demi. Come finish this pipe with us..."

"No, she's not fine. I... It's getting really late, and I promised her that I'd read her a bedtime story tonight. I have to go..."

"She's not even a year old, like she understands what a promise is."

"She doesn't understand a promise, but she understands what a mommy is... I have to go, guys. I can't do this anymore..."

"You're really gonna leave us, Demi? Really?"

"You guys are seriously my best friends, but I can't just... You know..."

"So us or them?"

I'm appalled. Did she really just say that? Did she REALLY just ask me that question? "W..What?"

"Us or them!?" Hanna stands up, clearly angry. Ivy backs her.

"Joe treats you like shit. He hates you, and he constantly keeps your baby from you. Every time you cry over them, me and Hanna are left to pick up the pieces. And we even let you smoke our shit! And you're just gonna leave like that? Are you really gonna pick them over us?!"

My jaw just drops. I can't believe them. I can't. I'm... I'm... I'm mad.

"You know what?" I reach in my pocket and grab the bag of cocaine they gave to me as a gift. "You guys can have it." I throw it back at them. "I love you guys and all, and I like getting high, but NO amount of drugs is worth losing my baby and my husband. I don't want it anymore." I grab my purse and storm out. I'm done. With all this. I'm done. With everything.

I don't know how successful I'm going to be with this, but it's time to get serious. No more cocaine for me.

I'm serious.

* * *

**Sofia's Point of View.**

"Here, Sofia. Eat eat..." Dada feed me nummy nummy. I don't know what this is, but it's nummy.

"More ravioli, baby. Here..." Dada holds the fork to my mouth. "Mmmm..."

I chew on my nummy. I hope I get to eat a nana after I finish my nummy.

"Mama..." I ask dada where mama is. Her promised her be here today. Her promised.

"Mama's coming. Eat eat some more..." Dada feeds me vegetables. I no like vegetables but they're nummy sometimes.

I smile at dada. "Mama!"

"Yeah, she's coming." Dada puts his lips on my cheek. "Let's eat a nana... Come on..." Dada cleans up my chair chair and grabs a nana. I love nanas.

Dada opens the nana and takes off the skinny. He breaks the nana and hands me a piece. Him eats the other piece.

Nanas is my favorite foods. Them taste good.

"WOOF WOOF!" The doggie starts barkin. Him never shuts up. And him drools more than me. WOOOOF WOOF!"

"EHHHEHMM BEHH..." I ask dada what the doggie is barkin at. Shut him up dada.

"WINSTON, GIVE IT A REST." Dada yells at the doggie and him shuts up. Dada fixes everything.

Just then, mama walks through the door. MAMA!

"MUHH MUHH!" I put my nana down on my chair chair and hold out for her to pick me up. Mama...

Mama smiles at me. "Hi Sofia..." Her picks me up. "Hi my baby..."

I put my hands on mama's cheeks and stare at her. I thought her wasn't coming. Hi mama.. Hi... "Mumumum..."

"Sofia.." Mama gives me kissies.

"Hi, Demi..." Dada acts meanie to mama. Why him does that?

"Hey..." Mama waves at dada but her gives me more kissies.

"You're high..."

"A little... But not really. I have to talk to you about some stuff..." Mama puts me back in my chair chair and hands me my nana.

"Talk to me about what, Demi!?" Dada slams down his foot. Him mad.

"Not in front of the baby... But we really new to talk. I think you'll be happy..."

"Happy with what? That you get high every single fucking day?"

"I'm not that high, Joe.. And that's what I want to talk to you about..."

"Demi, Sofia asked me where you were. One of these days..."

"I'm sorry! But seriously... You'll be so happy once I tell you.."

"You won't get a chance to tell me, Demi... You won't."

"...Why not?"

"Didn't I tell you that you had one more time to come home high?"

"Yeah, but Joe, it's not like that!"

"I want you to get out, Demi. I don't want you staying here anymore..." Dada shakes hims head at mama. Uh oh.

"What do you mean?" Mama steps back and looks at dada.

"Out... I want you out of this house. I can't keep putting Sofia around this shit. I can't do it, Demi. It's not fair to her. I want you to leave. And you're not welcomed back..."

Mama starts crying. Uh oh uh oh. "Joe, just let me explain..."

"I've been letting you explain since you came back from treatment the first time, Demi. I'm done with this. I'm done with this drug addiction shit..."

"But I'm not..."

"You're addicted, Demi. You need some help. And you can't live here anymore. You have to leave."

"...No. I want to see my daughter..." Mama's mouth is shaking. Her sad...

"You can come over and see Sofia whenever you want. I don't care when you come see her as long as you're not drunk or high around her. You can see her. But you can't live here."

"...Where am I gonna go?"

"I don't know... But you can't stay here."

"...My mom... My dad... I can't.. I can't stay with them... I don't have a job... No money..."

"Stay with Ivy. Stay with Hanna..."

Mama's voice gets real low. "I can't..."

"Figure it out, Demi. I have your clothes and all your belongings packed up. They're by the front door. You have to leave..."

"...I don't.. Where am I gonna go? What am I gonna do?"

"I don't know, Demi. But you have to GO. GO. NOW."

"...Please don't make me... I don't have anywhere to go. I just want to... I wanna be with you and Sofia... I swear. I'm changing, Joe. I'm changing..."

"Get out, Demi."

"But Joe..."

"GET OUT!" Dada finally yells at her. It make me cry.

I suck on my thummy. What just happened? Why mama sad? Why dada mad?

Mama crying hard. Her walks over to me and pick me up again.

"...I'll see you tomorrow, Sofia. I promise, I'll see you tomorrow. I'll miss you, baby girl. I love you." Mama kissies my cheek. See me morrow? Why?

"Mama..."

"Mama's gotta go..." Her hugs me tight. Owwie. Her hurts. But I like it. "I love you, baby girl. I love you. Mama loves you. Okay?"

"...Kay." I tell her.

"...Here, baby..." Mama takes off her jingly. I like her jingly. I play with it a lot. Mama puts her jingly around my neck. "Keep this for mama, please?"

"Mama..."

"You have to go now, Demi." Dada looks sad too.

"Bye bye, Sofia..." Mama puts me back in my chair chair.

Bye bye? Bye byes?! WHY?! WHY BYE BYE? "BUH BYE..." I yell.

I no want mama to go. Don't go mama. Don't go! Why?! Why?! DONT GO!

"EEHHHHHH... EHHHHHHHH!"

Mama grabs her bag. DONT GO!

Mama grabs her purse. PLEASE MAMA DONT GO!

Mama opens the door. DONT LEAVE ME MAMA...

Mama leaves out the door. PLEASE MAMA. I BE GOOD GIRL IF YOU STAY! PLEASE MAMA...

Mama shuts the door behind her. Mama is gone. Mama went bye bye. Mama leaved.

And my heart heart hurts...


	9. Nowhere

**Demi's Point of View.**

I have nowhere to go. I don't know what to do about it, because I literally have nowhere to go. I can't stay with Ivy. I can't stay with Hanna.

I seriously don't know what to do.

Why'd he have to go and kick me out? Why couldn't he have just let me explain? I'm not going to get high anymore. I swear.

Well, I think that promise is out the window. It sounds bad, but now all I have is cocaine. I lost my baby, my husband, my family. I don't have anything anymore.

I lug my heavy suitcase out to my car. I don't know where I'm going to go from here, but I have to be wise. I don't have money for gas, so the half tank I have has to last me. It has to last.

I pile my suitcase in the backseat of my car and get in the driver's seat. It's pretty pathetic when all my belongings could fit into a single suitcase.

I start my car and back out of the garage. I miss Sofia already. My heart is aching without her.

I really just don't know where to go. I'm so hurt right now that I feel like I'm bleeding. My heart just hurts so bad.

Maybe I could rent a hotel if my dad lets me use some of my money. Ever since I got kicked out, he's been rationing out $200 a week to me. He thinks if he lets me control my money, I'll blow it all on drugs.

If I can get him to let me control my bank account, I can rent out a hotel room and stay there. It won't be cheap, but at least I'll have a safe place to rest my head.

Nervously, I take the risk and make the turn to my parents' house. I'm so nervous to ask, but the worst they can do is tell me to leave. Then, I won't be any worse off than I already am.

I don't even pull into their driveway. I park on the street. I shut my car off and get out. My legs shake uncontrollably as I walk up to their front door.

I knock solidly one time. I don't know what I'm going to tell them. I don't know what I'm going to say. But I just hope they let me talk.

Nobody answers the door. So I try the doorbell. It doesn't work most of the time, but I just so happened to catch it when it is working.

I stand back and wait for someone to answer the door. I know that people are home, because the living room lights are on and so is the kitchen light. Someone is home.

The door opens. It's not my mom. It's not my dad. It's not Madison. Thank god it's Dallas.

"...Demi?" She says with question in her voice, as if she's not sure if it's me or not.

I nod. I'm freezing. It never gets truly cold in California, but in the fall, it gets really chilly after the sun goes down.

Dallas doesn't say a word. She just hugs me really tight like she really missed me. "You look so bad..."

I just nod again. I'm hugging her back. Dallas smells like my house. And she's warm. I want to come home.

"What are you doing here?" She lets me go and steps back to get a proper look at me.

"Who's at the door, Dallas?" I hear my mom ask. I can tell she's in the living room.

"Nobody!" Dallas yells back. "You have to go, Demi... They don't... They still don't..."

I nod again. "I just need some money..." I whisper.

"...Come on..." Dallas grabs my hand and leads me into the house. "Just... Don't say anything. Let me do the talking..."

"Okay." I agree and start with not saying anything.

We walk into the house. It's so warm in here. It's homey. It smells like dinner in here. I'm so hungry. They're eating dinner and watching TV, like we all used to. I wonder if my seat is still open on the love seat.

I look around on the walls. There are pictures of me and my sisters together. Pictures of Dallas from when she was a baby up until the time she's 23. There are pictures of Madison from when she was a baby up until the time she's 10. And all the pictures of me separately have been taken down. All except for my kindergarten picture.

I touch it. I can't believe that I was that little girl. The little girl with the horrible front bangs and tucked under bob cut. The little girl with the unibrow and spaced out teeth from sucking on my pacifier for too long. Boy, things have changed...

I take my shoes off next to the door, because I know just how much my mom hates our shoes on the carpet.

I follow Dallas into the living room. I'm so nervous. I'm not asking for much. Just a little money. And please god, don't let anyone hit me.

Nobody looks up and notices me. Madison is busy eating her bowl of soup and my dad is pretty into the TV show. My mom is playing on her iPad.

"...Ehhem." Dallas clears her throat to get their attention. I just stand close to her. Almost as if it's a reaction, everybody lifts their heads. And everybody's eyes go directly towards me.

"...What. Is she. DOING here?" My dad's tone is low, stern and monotonous. He's mad. Oh god he's mad.

"She just came to visit..." Dallas stands in front of me like she's protecting me. "She only wanted to see us."

I just don't say anything. But I'm crying. This is my family. This is my home. I would do anything just to be welcomed here.

"Didn't I say you could never step foot into my house again?!" My dad stands up like he's about to hit me.

I flinch back. I'm about to just leave before it gets ugly. I have no business here... Forget the hotel. I'll sleep in my car. I'm sorry for coming.

"She just came to visit, Eddie! Stop it!" Dallas shouts at him. She's still standing in front of me.

My mom motions for Madison to come sit by her. She comforts Maddie. I wish she would comfort me too...

"YOU JUST GET OUT OF HERE! GET OUT! YOU'RE NEVER WELCOMED HERE."

I nod fast. Please don't hit me. I start back-pedaling to the door. Please don't hit me.

"GET OUT! WHAT MADE YOU THINK YOU COULD JUST SHOW UP HERE? HUH!?" He keeps walking towards me until he corners me in a spot by the door.

I can't move. I can't even speak. I'm so scared. Please don't hit me.

"WHY DID YOU COME HERE?!"

I don't say anything.

"HUH?! I SAID WHY DID YOU COME HERE?!"

Still nothing. I'm so scared. I'm begging. Please don't hit me.

He raises up his hand and slaps me across my face. Not hard, but hard enough to make me feel that my lip is busted. "ANSWER ME."

My jaw trembles as I feel the blood from my busted lip collect in my mouth. It's nasty.

He puts his outstretched hand around my throat and starts to choke me. "Didn't I tell you not to come here? I told you that if you came back here, I'd kill you. And I have every right to, because you're in MY house. You're not my daughter anymore... You're a trespasser..."

I can't breathe. Please stop choking me. Please stop!

"That's enough! DONT KILL HER." My mom puts her hand on his shoulder. "That's enough..." Why is my mom crying?

My dad takes his hand away from my throat and I just collapse on the floor. I still can't breathe. I breathe heavy, struggling to catch my breath.

"That's enough..." My mom talks my dad away from me. He moves away. "Just get out, Demetria. Leave!" She yells at me.

"Let her stay!" Dallas runs over to me and touches me to let me know she's still there. "Please let her stay..."

"Hell no!" My dad roars.

With shaky legs and still struggling to breathe, I stand up. I'll leave.

How come nobody ever lets Demi talk? Nobody ever lets me explain.

"Yeah, I have a uh... A trespasser in my house that refuses to leave... Yeah... I'd like to get a sheriff out here..." I hear my dad saying. Did he just...

"WHY'D YOU CALL THE POLICE?!" Dallas stands up and screams at him.

"Because she's NOT allowed here." My mom backs him up on this.

If I get arrested, they're gonna give me a drug test. I'll leave. I'm leaving...leaving...

My dad hangs up the phone. "Why are you here?" He asks me again.

I'd better talk. I find my voice and open up. "...I just need some money... Just some money..." I'm shaking so much.

"I already gave you your cut for the week. Why are you REALLY here?"

"I need more money..."

"For what?! Drugs?!"

"No... No, I swear. I... I just... I need somewhere to stay... And I'm hungry... I need to rent a hotel room..."

"Go home and cook for yourself. You're not getting money from me."

"Joe kicked me out... I... I don't have anywhere to go..."

"Does he have my grandbaby?" My mom asks me, suddenly concerned.

I nod slowly.

"So you just came here, expecting me to give you money? So you can get something to eat and rent out this hotel room? No. Get out. I'm not giving you shit."

"I won't buy coke with it...I'm clean... I'm getting clean..." I wipe my bloody lip. "I just need a place to sleep and something to eat..."

"...I'm coming with you to rent out this hotel room. We will do it tomorrow. Until then, get out of my house." He points to the door.

I guess I can starve for the night. It's not like hunger is a big deal for me. I was always hungry once upon a time.

And I can sleep in my car tonight. It won't hurt.

I slide my shoes back on to leave. I grab the door handle and exit the house.

"...WAIT!" My mom screams at me.

I re-enter the house. "Yes ma'am?"

"...Come in." My mom walks over to the door with a blanket. She wraps it around me. "Let me fix you some soup and a sandwich."

Dallas smiles, looking relieved. My dad is looking like he's been slapped.

"...I know she's done wrong." My mom makes sure the blanket is around me tight so that I'm warm. "But she's still my baby. And I ain't gonna see her starve."

Thank you mommy. Thank you... "Thanks..." I murmur.

"Sit on down." She points to a chair in the kitchen.

I sit down, still shivering.

"You'll sleep in the guest room tonight, Demi. Shower in Dallas's bathroom. She'll give you some clothes to sleep in." My mom starts making my grilled cheese sandwich.

"Okay..." I nod.

"...So what do you mean by you're getting clean?" She flips my sandwich. "You agree to get some more help?"

"No... I'm just... Gonna quit. Cold turkey..."

"I think you ought to get some extra help..." She hands me a bowl of soup and a plate with my sandwich on it.

I take a bite of the grilled cheese first. It's so good. Or maybe I'm just so hungry.

"You sober right now?" She hands me a can of soda.

I nod and keep eating.

"So what's going on then? If you're sober why'd he kick you out?"

I swallow my food. "Because I came home high. I went to get high for the last time. And I came home and he kicked me out. He has divorce papers out too..."

"...Oh. How's Sofia?"

I shrug. I miss my baby. I miss her so much. Oh my god, I miss my baby. I wonder if she's okay. Joe's a good dad, so I know she's fine. But I wonder if she's crying or sleeping. I miss her. "I'm gonna go see her tomorrow..."

"Would you rather stay here or stay at a hotel?" My mom refills my bowl of soup.

"...Here. But I know that I can't..."

"I'll talk to Eddie about it. I'm not okay with one of my babies being homeless... I feel much safer with you here. But you can't stay if you're not gonna stay off the drugs, Demi. I can't have that around Madison..."

"I'm really gonna try to stay clean. For Sofia..."

"That's good motivation, baby." She gives me an awkward hug. "...You know daddy loves you, right?"

I nod.

"He doesn't mean to hit on you... He just doesn't like to see you like this... He regrets it."

"You're just keeping Maddie safe, I know..."

My mom kisses me on my forehead. "You're still my pretty baby, Demi. You know that?"

I smile a little and nod.

"Alright." She lets me go. "Go shower and get ready for bed."

"Yes ma'am." I stand up.

I really hope my dad lets me stay here with them. I love my home.

This is where I belong.

And I'll really try to stay clean.


	10. Sleep Tight

**Joe's Point of View.**

"MAMA! EHHHHHHHH! HHHHEHEHHHH! MUHH... MUHHHH! EHHHHHEHHHEEHHHH MAMA..." Sofia has been throwing a serious temper tantrum for the past two hours. Being that she's eight months old, I've heard my fair share of temper tantrums before. But this one is completely different. This one is violent.

"MUHH MUHH! MUH MUH MUHHH MUHHHHHH MUHHH!" She continues her fit of slamming her head into my chest and kicking her feet out.

"Sofia, calm down! Calm down!" I'm trying so hard to quiet her down. She's going to make her asthma act up if she doesn't chill out. I hold a bottle in front of her lips. "Here. You want baba? Hmm? Take a baba..."

Sofia pushes the bottle away and kicks me some more. "MUHHH!"

"I know... You'll see mommy tomorrow okay? I promise.. Tomorrow..." I force her to lie her head down on my chest so I can comfort her.

I understand she wants Demi. I understand that completely. But as a father, I have to do what's right for her. And it's not right for her to see Demi drunk and high all the time. Don't get me wrong, I would NEVER keep Demi away from her. But Demi just can't live here.

"MAAAAAAAAAAAAMAAAAAAAAAAAA!" She definitely has Demi's lungs. Definitely.

"SOFIA! Calm it down! You'll see mommy in the morning!" I don't mean to yell at her, it's just that it's half past one in the morning and we both need to get some sleep.

She sniffs and pokes her little lip out which makes me want to just take her to Demi. I can't take my baby girl crying like this. I want to take her pain away. But no means no. And Demi can't live here.

She looks at me with her pretty hazelish eyes and whimpers. "Mama..."

I rub her chubby little back, caressing the rolls in her skin from her baby chub. "I know... I miss mommy too..." I kiss the top of her head. Finally, she's calming down.

I didn't lie to her. I miss Demi. I miss just knowing she was in the house. I miss her before she met Hanna. I miss her before Ivy showed her how to inject herself. I miss my wife. But she can't come back until she gets some help. It's not good for Sofia.

"It's time to go night-night, Fia... You wanna go sleepy?" I keep rubbing her back.

She sniffs again and looks away from me. She probably resents me. But she'll thank me when she's old enough to understand what a shit mother has.

"Here. Let's try this..." I put her down on the bed. She sits there, looking down at the quilt. She won't look up.

I open up the DVD drawer in the corner of my room. I pick a certain DVD. The entire second season of Sonny With A Chance. I choose the second season rather than the first season, because between Demi's many hair colors, the black hair would probably be the easiest for her to identify. I pop it in the DVD player and press play.

"Sofia..." I climb into the bed with her. I pull back the covers and settle in. I make sure she has enough blankets to feel comfortable. She still won't look up.

"Sofia... Princess, looky... Looky..." I point to the TV screen. "Who's that? Huh!?" I try my hardest to sound amazed. "Who is that!?"

She lifts her head and giggles softly. She waves her flails her arms out excitedly. "Mah!"

"Yeah! Is that mommy?! Is that her?!"

She continues to giggle happily. She does the cutest little backwards wave at the TV screen.

"Look at mommy! Look at her! Blow kissies! Say see you in the morning mommy!"

She watches the TV screen as if Demi's gonna come busting out of it. The smile on her face right now is just priceless.

"If you wanna see mommy in the morning, we gotta go night-night... Okay?"

She doesn't pay attention to me. I know she's only eight months old, but I truly believe that Sofia is a smart baby. And she understands some of the things I ask of her and I tell her.

"Say night night mommy!" I make her wave at the TV screen. "Night mommy!"

"...Nye Nye..." Sofia says in her cute little voice.

I lie her down on Demi's pillow. She probably recognizes the scent. I'd recognize Demi's scent no matter where I was. She consistently smells like shampoo and baby lotion. I leave the TV on so she's comfortable until she falls asleep.

Man, I miss her. I just really hope she's okay. I wonder where she's staying. I wonder if she's cold. Or hungry. God, I hope she's safe.

God help me with this. I'm so conflicted. My heart is telling me that I love her. My heart is telling me that I need her. It's telling me that I need to text her or call her to find out if she's okay. My heart hurts.

But my mind is telling me to think about Sofia. My mind is telling me that Sofia needs to be around healthy relationships. My mind is telling me that it would be best for Sofia if I signed those papers.

I don't know what to. I love her. But I don't want to love her anymore.

I harshly wipe the tears that are falling from my eyes. I need to be strong for my daughter.

Sofia is fast asleep next to me. I kiss her on her chubby cheek and shut off the TV. I grab my phone. I need to know where she's at. I need to know if she's scared or cold or hurt. I need to know that she has a safe place to lie her head.

She's my other baby. I'd die if something happened to her. I just need her to be safe. I need her... To be okay.

* * *

**Demi's Point of View.**

"Demi..." Dallas's soft voice rings as she knocks on the door.

"Come in..." I say just as softly. I keep my dark red towel close to my body. My shower was nice. It was calming. And for the fifteen minutes I was in there, I almost forgot about everything.

Dallas opens the door and walks in. "...Here are some clothes. It's getting pretty late, so I'm gonna head to bed..." She hands me a pile of folded up pajamas for me to wear. I have my own clothes in my suitcase, but they aren't clean. Joe packed me all my dirty ones on accident, I assume.

"Thanks..." I take the clothes and put them on the bed next to me.

"No problem..." She walks back towards the door. "Goodnight..."

"Night..."

She shuts the door again and I finish drying off. My neck is so sore. The entire left side of my face is tingling, because it was numb and I'm getting the feeling back. I ache. I feel like I was just jumped. But I guess being slapped and choked by a 50 year old man is equivalent to getting jumped.

I check out the clothes Dallas gave me. I can deal with being uncomfortable for one night in my tiny sister's clothes. Dallas is about ten sizes smaller than I am since I've picked up all this weight. I can tell that she tried though, because the white T-shirt she gave me is a large. She gave me a pair of medium shorts to throw on, but I don't sleep in pants so that's no big deal. I'm most concerned about the underwear. One of my buttcheeks equal both of Dallas's buttcheeks.

I pull the underwear on. They're a little tight, but not extremely uncomfortable. She tried, so she gets an A for effort. It's not like anyone else's clothes would fit me. I'm the only big bitch in this house.

I fold my towel up and snuggle between the sheets of the guest bed. The sheets smell very fresh. And they're very soft. I'm just grateful that I have somewhere warm to sleep tonight. I hope Sofia's okay. I miss her...

I reach over and shut the light off. It's dark. Just the way I like.

My sleep should be decent tonight...

Just as I settle in to hopefully fall asleep for the night, the door opens. I know it's not Dallas, because she's courteous enough to knock. It's probably one of my parents, because they don't believe I deserve courtesy.

What if they changed their minds about letting me sleep here? It's 1:56 in the morning. Please don't kick me out this late/early...

Maybe if I pretend like I'm sleeping, they'll leave me alone for the night.

I shut my eyes abruptly as I hear the footsteps nearing my bed. The footsteps are light, not heavy.

Suddenly, the lamp flicks on. Whoever it is flicks it on to the first setting, so it's not that harsh. It's more of a nightlight right now.

Whoever it is is standing over me. Someone's gonna hit me... I can feel it. Please don't hit me... I'll leave willingly...

I still pretend to be sleeping. Maybe they're trying to kill me or something... I'd rather die in my sleep I suppose.

They touch my still-stinging cheek, stroking the sharp, fiery red welt across it. They take the quit and pull it closer to my chin, as if they're tucking me in. They touch my nose softly, being extra careful around the spots it was broken in. They turn on the air-conditioning system so that I don't get too hot. And they lean down to press their soft lips against my forehead. They smell like cigarettes and hairspray. It's my mom.

"Sleep good, baby..." Her voice is soft as if she's trying hard not to wake me. It's definitely my mom. She swipes my hair away from my forehead and leaves the room without another sound.

I roll over on my side and close my eyes for good. Hopefully I get some sleep tonight.

* * *

**Joe's Point of View.**

"You okay, babe?" I rub Demi's lower back and stroke her hair.

"Stop touching me..." She whines and swats my hand away.

"It's gonna be over soon though..." I lean down and kiss her on the lips. "It's almost over..."

"Distract me..." She bites on her bottom lip so I know she's in some more pain. "Distract me..."

"Uh... I wonder what she's gonna look like... Don't you?" I rub her still bulging stomach.

"Hopefully me..." She moans in pain. "Mmmmmmm!"

"She's gonna look like both of us... With blonde hair."

"Blonde? Why blonde?" She holds onto the bars of her bed to deal with the pain.

"Because your mom's a blonde. And my grandma is a blonde. So she's gonna get it. Watch. She'll be blonde."

"Doubt it..."

The doctor comes over and starts moving the sheets back off Demi's stomach. He opens up the stirrups and rests her feet in them. Demi told me she didn't want anyone to hold her legs, so that's why her feet are in the stirrups. I think she's about to start pushing.

She's been pushing for the last half hour every time she gets a contraction, but it's different this time because the baby's head is pretty low.

"She's gonna be cute... I can't wait to see her." I hunch over to see between her legs. It's kind of weird to me to think that I... went in there. And now my baby is coming out of there. It's just a weird feeling.

Much to the dismay of others, Demi wanted it to be only me and her in the delivery room. To be honest, she didn't even want me in there with her. She said she didn't want anyone to see her like this. She said that we'd be able to come in after she had the baby, but I convinced her to let me be here for the birth.

Plus, there was NO way in hell that I was gonna let Demi be alone in a room with a male doctor looking at her stuff.

I just watch as she pushes the baby out. There's so much blood... I'm feeling lightheaded. And there's a head. Ewwww...

Oh my god this is gross. This is disgusting... But I can't look away.

"What do you see?" Demi asks me. She's leaning up, trying to see what's between her legs too.

"A head babe..." I keep staring down there. There's matted, thick jet-black curls coming out of her.

"I wanna see..." She's crying, but I'm not sure if it's because of the pain or the fact that our baby is coming out.

"You want to touch her head?" The doctor looks up and asks me.

"What?" Did he really just ask me that?

"Her head. You want to touch it?" The doctor is pulling on my baby's head while Demi pushes.

"No... Nope." I shake my head. I kind of do want to touch it, but that's so weird so I'll just stick to watching. A vagina should NOT open this wide...

"What does she look like Joe?" Demi keeps leaning up trying to see.

"She looks like a head."

"Dahhh dahhh..."

I finally get woken up by the light smacking on my face.

"Dahhh dahhhhh..." She keeps smacking me on my face.

I open my eyes. It's surreal to have dreamt about her, and now she's here. In front of me. With chubby cheeks, hazel eyes and dark, shiny brown hair. "Sofia..."

We're laying face to face with each other. Who needs Demi when I can wake up to her beautiful face everyday?

"Dahhh..."

"Good morning." I hold her chubby hand so she doesn't smack me anymore. "Give me kisses..."

She leans in and puts her open mouth on my nose. "Ahhhh."

"Thank you chunky butt. Thank you..." I look at the time. It's 10:45 in the morning. It's time to get up.

I take a deep whiff of the air. I'm unsure, so I take another whiff. "...You go poopy? Did you poopy?"

She doesn't answer me. Instead, she starts sucking on her favorite pacifier.

I sit up and lift her. I turn her back to me and smell her butt. Yeah she pooped.

"Ewwww, Sofia! Ewwww!"

She giggles softly. She always finds the world "eww" funny.

I guess I'll give her a bath. Then feed her. Then see if Demi wants to come over and see her...

I'm mainly going to call Demi to see if she's alright, but I don't want her to know that...


	11. Goodbyes

**Sofia's Point of View.**

"You're the prettiest baby in the whole world, Sofia..." Dada brushes my hair. I hate when him does that because him hurts. But him has to make me pretty to go see mama.

I look at myself in the thing. Dada calls it a "mibber." Him puts my Minnie Mouse bow in my hair and fluffs it up. I look pretty.

I think dada should have brushed my hair at home. But I think him thought I would mess it up in the vroom vroom.

Dada grabs me by my arms and puts me on his hip when we get out the vroom vroom. I never been here before. What place is this?

"You wanna ring the doorbell? Here. Push the bell..." Dada leans me into this button. Oooh. The button looks fun.

I push it and it makes noise. "Hehhh hehhhh..." The button is funny. I keep pushing it and keep making noise. "Hehhhh!"

Someone real big answers the door. Him is bigger than my dada and my dada is big. I think this is what mama calls "gampaw."

"Hi, Eddie... Demi here?" Dada says.

The gampaw nods his head. "How you doing Joe?"

"Hanging in there." Dada walks in the house and takes off hims shoes.

The gampaw touches me on my arm. "Hey cutie. How long has it been since I seen you?"

"Say hi, Sofia..." Dada says to me. I no want to say hi. I put my head on dada and lay. No say hi.

"You look so much like your mommy it's sickening." The gampaw holds my hand and puts his lips on it. "Demi's upstairs in the guest room. Ask Dallas if you don't remember where that is. Don't be up there too long with the baby, because Dianna is coming back from the grocery store soon and she'll want to see her."

"Will do, sir." Dada holds me on his hip and walks up some steps. Where's mama? We came here to see mama and still no mama.

"...Muhh?"

"Almost, sweetie." Dada walks to a door. Him hits on the door with his hand then opens it up.

"MAMA! MAMAMAMA!" I call her name as soon as I see her. Her is sitting on the floor in front of someone else. Her hair is really wild like mine when I wake up from nap.

"SOFIA!" Mama gets up off the floor and runs over to me. Mama... My mama. Mama takes me off dada and I feel good. My heart don't hurt no more.

"Hi, Sofia... Hi my baby!" Mama puts her lips on my cheek and her sucks on my cheek gimme kissies. "I missed you so much!"

I missed you too mama. I grab some of her hair. It's really mama. It's mama. It's her. I just look at mama. Her eyes are wet.

"I missed my pretty baby." Her makes me lay on her and her cuddles me.

"Dallas." Dada says real low to the girl who's sitting on the bed.

"Joe." The girl says back. I member her. I member her good. Her has big yum yums to lay on. And her smells good. Her gimme a lolly once. Her ammalus I think.

"Here. Say hi, aunt Dallas. Tell her hi..." Mama gives me to her. Wait, mama. I don't want her. I want you. Gimme back.

"Hi Sofia. Long time no see, huh girlfriend?" Ammalus gives me kissy on my cheek. That's nice but gimme mama.

"Muhh muhh..."

"Alright, alright. I'll give you back to your mommy." Ammalus gives me more kissy and hands me to mama.

"Why didn't you tell me you were coming, Joe?" Mama asks dada. Her sits down on the bed with me.

Ammalus is picking up something hot she was putting in mama's hair. Some of mama's hair is curly and some of it is straight. I think ammalus was making it all straight.

"I don't have to tell you everything, Demi..." Dada sits down next to us.

Mama lifts up her shirt. Yay!

"She doesn't need to eat, Demi. I fed her."

"Well I'm gonna feed her again..." Mama holds the yum yum by my face. "Here, baby... Eat something."

I start sucking. Mama milk is just so good.

"You should've told me you were coming. I was going to come over there..." Mama talks to dada soft.

"Don't you ever come over to the house, Demi. Ever. If you want to see Sofia, just text me or call me. I'll bring her over no hesitation. You aren't allowed at the house. You hear?"

"She's my baby, Joe. Not my puppy. Not my cell phone. She's my BABY... I should be allowed to see her when I want to."

"You can. Just not at our house."

"...Whatever. You're so fucking annoying. I get it. You're a good dad. I don't see why you try to stop me from being a good mom..."

"Just shut up, Demi."

"That's your answer for everything. Just shut up. Fucking pansy."

"You're so lucky you're holding Sofia right now..."

Ammalus comes back in the room. Her is holding out her arms. "Mom wants to see Sofia. And plus... You guys sound like you need to talk... Without her..."

"...Yeah. We do." Mama takes the yum yum out my mouth. Hey! I wasn't done...

Mama hands me to ammalus. Mama!? Mama!

"Muh muh?"

"Mommy will still be here when you come back, Sofia. It's only for a little while baby girl..."

Okay... Okay... Okay. No mama.

* * *

**Demi's Point of View.**

"You should've told me you were coming... I would've made sure I looked half decent..." I say. It's not nagging, I just really wish he would've told me.

"Whatever, Demi. Just be glad I brought her over here."

"I am happy that you brought her... I just look like a mess... How did you even know I was staying here?"

"I asked Dallas. I texted her and asked her if she knew where you were at."

"Why didn't you just text me?"

"Because I texted you goodnight and you didn't answer."

"...My phone's dead. I had to use Dallas's charger..."

"What made you come here?" He asks, totally not looking at me. He spins his wedding ring around on his finger.

"...I was gonna stay at a hotel. I came here to ask for money and my mom told me to stay here..." I'm looking at him, but he won't look at me. He just won't.

"That was nice of her." He mumbles.

"...I wish I could come home..." I try to ease into that aspect of conversation. I think he should let me come home...

"Don't start with this, Demi. Please don't..."

"Just let me come home!"

"No! I don't need you acting like that around Sofia. You go get help, and that's fine. You need to help yourself... Otherwise I'm gone for good."

"Gone for good?"

"Did you forget about the papers I have back at home?"

"You know what, Joe..." I pinch the bridge of my nose. He's making me so fucking mad right now. "Divorce me. Do whatever you want. Leave me." I don't mean that. I'm just frustrated.

"Oh, don't worry. I plan to." He gets up off the bed and walks to the door. "And when I do... You'll have to take me to court to see her."

I get up off the bed too and run over to him. I'm going to hit him. I'm going to really hurt him. "YOU BETTER NOT EVER USE HER AGAINST ME! SHE'S OUR BABY, NOT A PAWN!"

"Get out of my face, Demi." He says through clenched teeth.

"I'M HER MOTHER! STOP USING HER AGAINST ME!" Our noses are touching while I'm yelling at him.

Joe grabs me by my arms and switches places with me. He puts me against the wall, holding my hands up over my head. "I told you to get out my face, Demi. Why do you make me want to hit you?!"

I don't say anything to him. I just breathe heavy. I'm so angry.

"You want me to divorce you? You want me to go file those papers?"

I still don't say anything. I glare at him angrily. I could kill him right now.

"Then I'll file them tomorrow. Better get a good lawyer... Because I'm taking everything." He finally lets me go.

I put my arms down. "...I hate you."

"I've hated you for the past five months, Demi. I win."

I roll my eyes at him. "So after tomorrow... I won't see you anymore?"

"After tomorrow, we'll be in the midst of getting a divorce." He corrects me.

"So basically I won't see you anymore... Unless you're dropping Sofia off over here or something..."

"Basically." He gathers up Sofia's diaper bag.

I don't want to lose him. I love him. I love him so much. I don't think I can deal with never seeing him again. I can't deal with not being married to him.

"Bye, Demi." He says haughtily, his voice stinging. He swings open the door.

"...Joe wait!"

He stops walking out the door. "What?"

"...Come back..." I grab onto the rims of my sweatpants nervously.

"What do you want, Demi?"

"...I won't see you again after this..." I shut the door so he can't leave. "Like ever..."

"So what? It's a divorce. What did you think was gonna happen?" He puts the diaper bag back down.

"...I'm sober... And have been since yesterday..." I look down at the ground and play with a long strand of my hair. I need to get my extensions redone.

"Congratulations." He says half-heartedly.

"And I'm gonna stay sober..." I sniff. "I'm gonna stay sober... For Sofia... And... For-"

"For your parents, I know." He mutters when he interrupts me.

"No... For you." I tell him. Please believe me.

"That's nice, but it's too late for that shit now." He shrugs. "Should've thought about that way before all this. So cut to the chase."

"...The chase is..." I clear my throat. "Can I have a kiss? One last one?"

He looks down at the ground and sighs. He scratches his head. "...Whatever."

He walks closer to me. I raise myself up on my tip-toes. I tilt my head to the left, Joe tilts his to the right. We both close our eyes and our lips meet.

One little peck isn't enough for me. I put my hands on his waist and deepen the kiss. He has his hands on the small of my back, pulling me closer. His tongue massages mine in swirls and spirals. I still feel the spark. Does he feel it too?

He pulls away from my mouth and I sigh. "...I love you..." I whisper to him.

He strokes my lips with his thumb. "You're beautiful." He kisses my cheek. "...You'll find someone else, Demi. You're beautiful."

The tears well up and spill over my eyes so quick that I don't even have the opportunity to stop them. "I don't want anyone else..."

"It's okay..."

"...I won't have sex with anyone else... Ever..."

"Don't say that, Demi. You'll find someone else. And so will I. And we'll both move on from each other."

"I'm never gonna love anyone else..." I shake my head.

He gives me a soft hug and rubs my back. "...I'll never love anyone the way I loved you."

"Loved?"

"...Yeah."

I give in and hug him very tight. I grab his shirt in hopes of pulling him closer and never letting go. "We can make this work... Just one more chance, Joe. One more chance..."

"Are you gonna get help?"

"...no. But I'm gonna quit everything cold turkey. I swear..."

"You need help. And I'm not gonna wait for you to get help... I can't sit around waiting for you to realize... The divorce is the best option..."

"...Please no."

"Think about Sofia. Think about how good it will be for her to be away from our arguing all the time."

"It'd be good for her to have both her mommy and daddy..."

"Demi..."

"Joe, please..."

"Demi. I have to divorce you. It's not good for Sofia..." He grips me around my waist tight. Like he did on our wedding day when we shared our first dance.

I kiss his lips again. "...You held me like this when we got married..." My tears won't stop falling.

"...I did, didn't I?" He looks down and smiles at me. "While Kevin and Nick were singing When You Look Me In The Eyes, huh?"

"And we were dancing..." I nod.

He holds my hand and starts swaying back and forth with me. "Don't tease me, Joe..."

"...I'm not teasing you..." He holds my hand up and spins me around. "Just saying goodbye..."

"It doesn't have to be goodbye..." He goes back to swaying with me.

"Yes it does..." He kisses my cheek. "But it doesn't have to be goodbye forever... Just for now..."

"...You'd marry me again?"

"In a heartbeat. When we're older and more mature..."

"...You'll wait for me?" I lie my head on his chest while we dance.

He kisses the top of my head and keeps swaying with me. "No... If I'm happy with someone else and you're happy with someone else, I won't end that. But if we're both single down the road... I'd marry you in a heartbeat."

"So we might be together again... I just have to wait..." I rub his back.

"Precisely..." He rocks back and forth with me in his arms.

"...How long will I be waiting to be with you again?" I sing to him with a slight smile.

He smiles too. "I'm gonna tell you that I love you in the best way that I can..."

I close my eyes while we stand here dancing. I could float away right now. I guess I understand why he's divorcing me. I just wish he wouldn't.

I push the divorce thoughts out of my head.

I don't want to ruin this last moment of our painful goodbyes.


	12. Defense

**Joe's Point of View**.

"Bye bye, Sofia... I'll see you later, okay? I love you..." Demi turns her voice from somber to sweet while dealing with Sofia. She's a very good actress.

"Buh bays..." A sleepy Sofia waves at her and lies on my shoulder.

Demi leans in and kisses her on her lips. "Be a good girl. Be good for daddy, okay?"

Sofia yawns really loud. "Kaaaaay..." I'll bet she doesn't even know what she's saying "okay" to.

I look at Demi. My god, she's beautiful. Her straight, light brown hair dangles around her waist, just barely teasing her bellybutton. Her eyes are the most beautiful brown eyes I've ever seen. They're innocent, filled with underlying tears. Her perfectly, neatly trimmed eyebrows are calmed, but tensity waring them a little thin.

I lick my dry lips slowly, they're aching with what I'm about to say. My lips tighten and tremble as I utter the single, two-syllable word. "Goodbye..."

She crosses her arms against her chest and looks at me almost apologetically. "Bye, Joe..." Her usually boisterous, recognizable voice is thin and weary with a hint of rasp mixing in. She looks so innocent; childlike. It's almost hard for me to even believe that she's into the deepest end of drug use.

"...Take care of yourself." I tell her. I really mean that. I'd lose the ounce of sanity I have left if something ever happened to Demi.

"I'll try." She mutters, her lips just barely opening to speak.

I lean down and graze my lips across her soft, baby-like chubby cheek. She's my baby. She'll always be my baby. But I have to think about my real baby, lying asleep on my shoulder. Even if it tears me up inside to leave her, I have to do it for Sofia.

Demi doesn't look up from the kiss I gave her on her cheek. She remains looking at the ground. I've known her long enough to know when she's about to cry. I can't be here to see her cry. I secure Sofia in my arms and turn to leave down the cobblestone steps of Demi's new home.

I hear the door shut rather softly behind me, with the quick snicker of the lock.

If I didn't have my daughter in my arms, I'd run back to that house. I'd grab Demi and hold her so tight. I'd hold her until I felt like it was time to let go. And once I let go, I'd kiss her the same way I kissed her when I married her. And then, I'd carry her all the way to the nearest rehabilitation center. And I'd wait for her. Wait for her to get better... To get worse. I'd wait. For an absolution.

But I have Sofia. And I can't be selfish. I believe that divorcing Demi is the best solution to right now. She can't see us fighting all the time. If she saw us fighting, she'd think it was okay. And it's never okay.

I pull into the driveway, thinking. Thinking about how I can do this in the most secretive way possible. I get out of the car and grab Sofia, letting her sleep.

I can't be seen going into the courthouse tomorrow. Needless to say, the press jumped all over me and Demi getting married, let alone having a baby together. It's kind of an unspoken secret that Disney "made" us get married.

Once the CEO got word of Demi being pregnant, they didn't want to fire her because that's against some kind of law. So rather than have her lose her job, they told us to get married to maintain the "wholesome" Disney image. The whole world thinks that we got married then had a baby, but if you REALLY look at our wedding pictures, you can see a slight bulge in her dress. Even three girdles wasn't enough to fully hide the baby bump.

It wasn't like I wasn't going to propose to her anyway. I had big plans to marry Demi. Disney just sped the process along. I didn't want to marry her while she was pregnant, because we both wanted Sofia to be the flower girl at our wedding.

I walk past the framed issue of PEOPLE magazine hanging on the wall of our bedroom. Can you believe that they paid us $750,000 just to be the ONLY magazine to take pictures of our wedding?

Our wedding was beautiful. Demi was beautiful. She looked like a princess. I felt like her prince. And for that entire three minute first dance we shared, I felt like the happiest man alive. I felt like the world was falling into place. Especially when Sofia gave me a good, hard nudge whenever I pulled Demi too close.

I lie Sofia down in the bed. She moves her perfectly shaped, tiny lips and sleeps hard. I kiss her on her cheek. "I'll be back." I whisper to her.

I slowly stalk back down the steps and reach on top of the fridge. I grab a black ink pen and sit down at the table. I start filling the papers out.

I hope they accept slightly wavy paper. Because I can't get the tears to stop flowing from my eyes and onto the paper. This is so hard.

The press is undoubtedly going to be all over this divorce. I don't care what they do to me. As long as they leave Demi alone.

I sniff and keep scribbling away. I feel so helpless. Like this is the only way I can make anything better. I wish I could force Demi into getting help. That would help a whole lot. But I can't make her do anything since she's nineteen.

I really don't want to sign these papers. I don't want to. I don't wanna lose her. But at this point, it's Demi or Sofia?

I can't choose between my girls. I love my girls... But Sofia... She needs me. Demi needs me too, but...

I wipe my tears and sign the final document. I have to get Demi to sign them tomorrow.

This is going to be a very, very long night.

* * *

**Demi's Point of View**.

I already miss him. I miss him so much. I miss him so much that it just hurts.

So many things are going through my head at the moment. Like what's going to happen when he divorces me? What am I gonna do? I'm going to be a nineteen year old divorcee.

How often will I see Sofia? Will I see her everyday? Every other day? When will Joe let me see her? An just because we're divorced, does that mean he's going to hate me and keep me from her?

I don't know what to do anymore. I used to think that it was going to be okay. I was just going to stay with my parents for a while, then Joe would eventually let me come back home once I didn't crave any drugs anymore.

I realize now that isn't the case.

I don't know if I should tell my parents about Joe divorcing me. I mean, maybe I should. But at the same time, I don't need them to judge. The last thing I need is for them to judge. It would be a totally different story if my parents - my dad especially, wanted me to get married in the first place.

I wonder how long they plan on letting me stay here. I don't know if my mom talked my dad into letting this be permanent, but with the divorce happening, I need a permanent place to stay.

I really don't want to think about the divorce. I don't want to think about the fact that Joe's leaving me. I don't want to think about the possibility of me not seeing my daughter consistently. I just don't want to think about it.

I curl up under my covers in the guest bed and close my eyes in hopes of getting some rest. I find that when I'm sleeping, that's the only time I don't feel the need to use cocaine.

I'm a little hungry, but to ask for food wouldn't be wise. They didn't even ask me if I wanted breakfast this morning. My dad made pancakes and I didn't have any.

I'm very hungry. Maybe my mom could spare twenty or so dollars so that I can go get something to eat.

Miserably, I step out of my bed and open the door. I walk quietly downstairs. I walk on eggshells in this house just to ensure that nobody gets mad at me. I don't want to fuck up when this is the only place I have to stay.

"...Mom?" I call out softly. I don't know if I should call her mom or not, being that they both legally disowned me. I mean, she's still my mom. Just not legally.

"What, Demi?" Her voice is soft like mine. I think Madison is asleep and we're trying not to wake her. Personally, I think she gets babied way too much, but what do I know?

"...Can I have a couple dollars?" I walk into the living room as quietly as possible. My dad glares at me.

"What for?" My mom asks robotically. It's almost as if my dad coached her to say this. I believe that she would just give it to me if she was in her right state of mind...

"...I'm hungry. I just... Want to go grab some food..." I rock back and forth on my feet. I feel so small. How did I let my life get this way? Being disowned by my parents and divorced by my husband?

"Give it to her." My dad mumbles.

"...Come on in the kitchen... I'll fix you a plate..." My mom ignores him and stands up. She walks over to me with a calm and gentle demeanor.

"Dianna, just give her the money." Dad talks a little louder, his voice just below yelling.

"She can eat what we ate, it's no big deal." My mom waves her hand at him.

"She is a BOARDER in this house. She will pay rent. She does not get meals for free." He grumbles.

"Don't listen to him." My mom puts her hand on my waist. "You still like chicken parmesean?"

I nod. "It makes sense just to feed me here, right? Instead of spending money..." I mutter to her.

My dad stands up fast. "I don't care how much sense it makes! You will NEVER... be welcomed here. EVER." He hollers at me, hovering like he's going to raise his hand and slap me.

I cower like the scared little girl I am. I'm just so tired of being struck.

My dad starts the motion of bringing his hand down on me, but my mom frantically runs in front of me.

"DON'T YOU PUT YOUR HANDS ON HER! DON'T!"

"Move, Dianna." He says sharply.

"I DON'T CARE WHAT SHE DID, SHE'S STILL MY BABY. AND YOU AREN'T GONNA BE BEATING ON HER!" My mom screams at him so loud my ears ring. She holds me close to her. Oddly enough, I feel safe.

And just like that, my dad leaves. He sits back down. My mom defended me. Does this mean we're calling it truce?

"...How many pieces of chicken do you want, honey?"

"...Two." I whisper.

"You got it... Let me fix you a plate."

I think my mom and me are okay now. It's a start.


	13. Say It

**Sofia's Point of View.**

"Hi, Sofia. Hi... What's your name?"

My name? I don't know what a name is. They call me pretty. I guess that's my name. They also call me that Saffia thing too. I don't know, lady. What's your name?

I just look at her. I wish her would move. I was watching TV before her sitted in front of me.

"Sofia... Sofia. What's your name?" Her grabs my feetsie. My feetsie with the capatiller on it. Leave my capatiller alone lady.

"Danielle, don't be dumb. You're calling her name then asking her what her name is." Dada picks me up away from the lady.

"She doesn't know that's her name though." The lady stands up. Her kiss me on my cheek and make me smile. Her smell good.

Dada is supposed to take me to see mama today. I can't wait.

"Come on Sofia. We're gonna go see what grandma is doing." Dada puts me on his hip and him takes me to the kitchen. Mimi is making something. I hope her gimme some cheemees.

"So what's going on now, Joseph?" Mimi asks dada.

Dada puts me down on the floor. "I'm supposed to be filing the papers today..." Dada reaches down and hands me a cheemee.

I hope dada don't talk to Mimi long. I wanna see mama. I put my cheemee in my mouth. It's yum yum.

"And? Is she gonna sign them?" Mimi hands dada a cuppy. Mimi always has nummy nummies.

"She sounded like she was going to, but I don't know. I'm gonna take Sofia over there to see her when I ask her to sign them..."

"So she's staying with her parents? How's that working out?" Mimi hands me a baba. Thanks mimi. I eat it later.

"I guess it's going okay. I'd rather her stay there with them than to stay with her friends and stuff. I thought she was gonna stay at a hotel and that worried me..." Dada sounds like hims eyes are wet.

"Why'd it worry you?" Mimi sits down next to dada and picks me up on her lap. Her gimme my baba and hold it for me. I suck on it. It not mama milk but it okay.

"Because, ma. ...You know how many singers die in hotel rooms by themselves from overdoses? She was gonna be alone by herself in the hotel. Needless to say what she was gonna do in that hotel..." Dada puts hi hand on his head. Him sad.

"What's really the matter, Joe?" Mimi hands dada a napkin.

"...The mother of my daughter is crackhead that refuses to help herself." Dada sniffs like I do when I sniff boogies up my nose. "And I'm in love with her."

"Maybe you should HELP her, Joe. You should help her..."

Dada wipes hims eyes. "What Demi needs is far beyond me. I can't help her anymore, mom. I can't. She needs special help. MORE help. I'm so proud of her for helping herself with the other stuff, but she needs help with the serious stuff too..."

"If Demi doesn't want help, then divorcing her is the right decision. But as her husband, you were supposed to be her mentor. Her guidance. Her support."

"And I was! I really was! The first time! When she came back after those three months, I was there for her. I helped her keep up with her schedule. I made sure she ate three meals a day, plus snacks. I shaved her legs for her because I didn't want her to have razors. Mom, I was there for her when she got out..."

"...What about during? Helping her out when she's done is nice. But did you support her during?"

Dada stays quiet. Him looks at me with a smile. Dada just tryin to be nice. Him really sad.

"...Who's side are you on?" Dada asks Mimi.

"Of course I'm on your side, Joe. I'm just saying. You weren't always the best husband to her, and she's definitely not the best wife." Mimi takes my baba from my mouth and pats on my back. Why her take it away? I still want it... "I'm just trying to get you to realize that being there for her doesn't count unless you're always there. And you know you weren't always there for her. Those three months she was in? Where were you at, Joe?"

Dada is quiet. Him has his hands on his head. Him cry.

"You ought to be glad Demi didn't leave YOU after all the crap you pulled on her."

"What was I supposed to do mom? She was in treatment for three months. She was only allowed one visitor a month for an hour. We couldn't do anything there... And I'm a man..."

"Bull crap." Mimi buckles me in my seeseat.

"We're gonna go..." Dada sniffs again. "Sofia wants to see her mommy..."

"Alright. I love you, Joe. I just don't want to see you make rash decisions."

"Love you too." Dada picks up my seeseat and we leave. We done. Off to see mama now?

Maybe tonight mama will read to me before night night. Maybe tonight is the night mama will come home. I no know why her don't live at home no more but I miss her at home when we take a bathy and her feed me. And how her rub my feetsie. I miss mama.

I ask her to come home tonight. Her never tell me no.

* * *

**Demi's Point of View**.

Joe's bringing Sofia over today. I'm really excited to see my baby, and I'm really excited to see Joe too. Well, I'm not exactly "excited" to see him, but I'm looking forward to it.

I get out of my bed and pull on a pair of sweatpants. I would dress nicely, but I haven't been able to make it to the laundromat to wash my clothes. I've been living off Dallas's sweatpants for the last two days.

I open the door to the room and head downstairs. I have to ask permission to have Joe and Sofia over. "...D...Dad?" I shakily walk into the living room. I wish my mom was home so I could ask her. But she took Madison and Dallas out shopping. I guess I'm not exactly welcomed to go shop.

"What?" He doesn't sound like he's too agitated. He sounds rather calm.

"...Are Joe and Sofia allowed to come visit me? For a little while?"

"I don't care."

"Thanks..." I turn and walk out of the living room. I escaped that one without getting hit. I sigh in relief.

"Demetria, come here." He says sternly. His voice changed. He's serious.

I walk back into the living room and sit on the couch closest to the door. If I feel threatened, I can run out the door. "Yes?"

He shuts off the TV and turns his attention to me. Oh my goodness, I'm scared.

"Your mother and I were talking last night, and we decided that you may live here for as long as you need."

"Really?" I feel my eyes get big. I can't believe he's letting me.

"Really. But on the condition that you do not speak with your "friends." And you must AT LEAST try to help yourself."

"...Okay." I nod. I'm not going back to treatment. I'm not. But I will quit cold turkey. I really will.

"You know your mother and I... You know we love you, right?"

I nod.

"And I never mean to raise my hand to you. I never mean it. It's just... I'm extremely disappointed in the woman you came to be. Understand that?"

"Yes sir."

"And you know that I regret it, right?"

"...Yeah. But I wouldn't...regret it. I mean... Every time someone's struck me, I think I've deserved it..."

"Don't say that, Demi. You don't deserve to be hit. Don't let me hear you say that again."

"I kind of do... I mean... I was really messed up... And I used Maddie's Disney money to buy drugs. Now my little sister has to wait another year to go to Disney Land. I'd probably hit me too..."

"You didn't hurt anybody. Madison's getting her Disney trip this weekend."

"She is?"

"Yeah. We're gonna take her this weekend."

"Oh... Well I hope you guys have some fun. She deserves it."

"You're going to be coming too, Demi. It's not just us."

"...Really?"

"Yeah. You're... part of this family."

"...Thank you so much... Thank you..."

"Don't mention it."

The doorbell rings all of a sudden. It rings loud and a number of times. It's clearly my baby ringing the doorbell.

"When you're done with Sofia, give her here. I wanna see her." My dad says.

"Will do." I open up the door. Sofia is lying on Joe's shoulder.

"HI SOFIA!" It never ceases to amaze me how much I miss her when she's gone. I take her off Joe in a heartbeat. "Look at my baby!"

Sofia smiles at me and rubs my hair. She's so cute. "Maaaa maaaa." She drools on me.

"Hi stinky baby..." I kiss her cheek a bunch of times. I missed her so much. "Hi Joe..."

"Hey..." He says to me. His voice is low, almost as if he was just crying.

I step aside and let him walk in the house. I shut the door behind him.

"When you're done with Sofia, we need to talk..." He kicks off his shoes.

"We can talk now..." I don't anticipate putting Sofia down though. I'm not going to put her down. I rub her back as she lies on my chest.

"No, Demi. You can't talk to me while she's with you..."

"...Fine." I kiss Sofia's cheek. "I'll be right back to get you pretty girl. I'll be right back." I walk in to the living room. "Sit with grandpa for a little bit, okay?"

Sofia looks at me. She seems okay with me leaving her. I'm not going to be gone long. I'm going to come back for her.

Joe starts walking upstairs. It must be serious if we have to talk this privately.

I follow Joe upstairs and into the guest room. I shut the door and sit on the bed.

"What do we need to talk about?" I ask.

* * *

**Joe's Point of View**.

"I need you to sign these..." I grab the papers out my back pocket and unroll them. I hand her an ink pen.

The look on her face is crossed between confusion and utter disappointment. Her eyes lay over the papers.

"...Now?" She whispers, her voice breaking in a last ditch effort to salvage our marriage.

"Before we leave..." I just want to hold her and comfort her.

A few loose tears stray from her eyes. She wipes them and looks up at me. "So this is it? Like... Once you file these, are we done?"

I shrug. I don't know how divorces work. "I don't know..." I sit down on the bed with her and sigh.

"...What happens if I don't sign them?"

"Don't be like that, Demi. Please don't be like that."

She shakes her head. She's hysterical by now. "I don't wanna sign them. I'm not gonna sign them. I won't sign them..."

"Demi, don't do this. Think about Sofia..."

"I'm not signing them! I don't want to divorce you... I don't want to. I won't sign them..."

"Demi... We talked about this. We talked about this..."

"I'm not signing them!" She's freaking out. Her face is all blotchy and red and she's shaking while she cries.

I hold her tightly to calm her down. "Demi... Demi..." I rub her back. "Demi..." I kiss her on her forehead. "I know... Believe me, I know..."

She sniffs and cries on me. "I love you..."

I'm going to say it back to her this time. I'm gonna say it. "I -"

She interrupts me by kissing me on my lips. "...They say when you love someone... You're supposed to want them to be happy... And I want you to be happy..." She holds onto me really tight. "I won't make you stay with me..." She sniffs.

She grabs the pen off the bed and puts the papers on her nightstand. She signs diligently on the four dotted lines. "There..."

I want to say it to her. I'm gonna try to say it again. "Demi, I l-"

She kisses my lips again and holds onto me. She won't let me say it. I think she's afraid that I'm NOT gonna say it.

If she won't let me say it, she might let me show it.

I stand up and make sure the door is locked. I love her. I do. I don't know why it's taken me this long to say it.

I grab her by her ankles and pull her to the edge of the bed.

"What are you doing?" She says through thick tears.

"Shhh..." I kiss her foot while I rub her leg. Her legs are so soft and they're snowy white. I keep kissing her foot.

"Joe, just don't..."

I'll never do this to a woman that I don't love. Demi's the only one I've ever done it to. I won't do it to anyone else.

I grab the rims of her sweatpants and the rims of her underwear too. I pull them both down at the same time. She looks down at me, confusion written clear across her face.

I kiss her upper thigh. I love her so much. I could spend hours just kissing and caressing every inch of her.

From her upper thigh, I work my kisses around to her inner thigh. I make my way to her core. I use both my hands and wrap them around her thighs for support. I part her legs a little.

She smells like soft soap and laundry detergent. I can tell she's clean. I kiss the top parts of her before I work my way down. It's soft, like she just recently shaved.

I move my kisses down to the inner parts and kiss her like I'd kiss her on her mouth. Her body sighs down. She's enjoying it.

I nibble on her inner thigh then move back over. I open her up with my tongue and lick upwards and downwards. She whimpers very softly.

I stop running my tongue along her and push it inside. She reaches down and pushes my face deeper into her.

I love her... I wonder if she can tell. I love her...

She massages the back of my head lovingly. I pull back and look up at her. Her eyes are closed and her face is calm.

"...I love you..." I whisper and go right back into pleasuring her.

I wonder if she heard me say it.

I hope she did.


	14. Realization

**Demi's Point of View.**

Joe left a little bit after we finished our "talk."

I won't lie. I'm a little bit confused as to what just happened. I thought he was just coming over to get me to sign divorce papers and let me see Sofia. I thought... I didn't think he was going to do THAT.

"Muhh muhh... Bup bup..." Sofia jabbers really adorably as she tries to feed me some of her cheese curls.

"No thanks, Sofia. Thank you for asking though." I hold her feet in my hands and kiss them. I like to let her sit up for a little while before she goes to bed. It tires her out more.

Needless to say it took a lot of convincing to get Joe to let me keep her overnight. I wonder what Joe's doing without her. He's probably watching porn or something. I won't allow myself to think about him having sex with someone else. I can't think about that. He just did that to me... So he can't possibly already be with someone else, right?

I glance over at the clock on my nightstand. It's quarter after midnight. I should probably get Sofia to sleep.

I don't know why I feel so empty inside knowing that I just signed divorce papers. I guess I'm just numb, because I haven't cried. I just don't feel anything.

"Come on, baby girl. Let's go night night." I grab Sofia by her arms and make her lie down beside me. I take off her bib and use it to wipe the cheese from her face and hands. I toss her bib on the floor.

"What do you think daddy is doing?" I rub her back and kiss her chubby cheek. "You think daddy misses us? Or just you?"

"...Dah Dah." She yawns real big and blows her milky, sweet-smelling baby breath in my face.

"Go night night, honey..." I rub her butt in circles and kiss her hair. I wish she had more hair, but the hair she has is enough for me. I can clip a bow in it, but only in the middle. The sides are thin and won't lie down. The middle is thick and very silky. It's kind of strange that her hair grows like that, because when I had her she had a head full of hair.

I remember having her like I just had her yesterday. Maybe I remember it so vividly because it was the last time I felt like everything in me and Joe's life was going the right way.

It was so easy for me to fall in love with Sofia. Not only because she's my everything, but because she wasn't exactly unwanted.

One night, me and Joe were laying together in bed. And we talked about things like marriage and babies. And we both wanted babies. For the rest of that month, we kept having sex as usual. Me and Joe never used protection. And we weren't necessarily trying to have a baby, but we weren't preventing it.

So when I woke up one morning with really bad nausea and my period skipped, I was surprised... but pleasantly surprised to find out I was pregnant. Me and Joe cried, but not because we were sad. We cried because we were happy to have a baby.

And I still couldn't be happier to have her. God truly gave me a pretty little baby. She's very perfect in every way possible. Ten little fingers and toes. Perfect little hazel eyes. She's my perfect little baby.

And I know it sounds bad, but I'm not having anymore babies unless they're to Joe. If me and Joe happen to remain divorced, then I'm not having anymore babies.

I should head to sleep. It's getting late, and Sofia's already sleeping. I lean in and kiss Sofia's cheek and rub her little arm.

While I'm rubbing her arm, my finger glides across something bumpy and dry on her usually baby-soft skin. I grab her arm and hold it up. She has a little rash. I won't scratch it or anything. It must not be bothering her, because she hasn't fussed about it.

I rub her arm between my fingers to feel out the rash. I stroke my fingers up to feel how far up it goes. It starts near her elbow and ends by her shoulder. Why didn't I see this before?

I lean up to get a good look at the rash. It's not very noticeable. It's a little bit red, but it's not that much. Maybe I just overlooked it.

It's probably a heat rash. I used to get those all the time when I was just getting used to the California weather. If it doesn't go away in the next few days, I'll call her pediatrician. Maybe it's eczema.

I'm such an alarmist. I freak out at the tiniest things. So my baby has a rash... Why am I freaking out? ...Maybe I'm just a mom.

I kiss Sofia's little rash. "Sweet dreams, beautiful." I whisper to her.

I'm a good mom... Right?

**Joe's Point of View.**

"Why aren't you staying the night?" Ashley buttons her shirt back up.

I stand up and slide on my pants. We didn't do anything. We watched two movies. She tried to do something with me, but I didn't. I couldn't even touch her without thinking about Demi. So I just didn't touch her.

"I have to go get Sofia early tomorrow morning, so..." I lie to her. I don't have to get Sofia off Demi until 1:00 in the afternoon tomorrow.

"Oh. Well tell Sofia I said hi... Give her a kiss for me."

"I will." I lie. I don't give Sofia "kisses" for anyone except maybe Demi.

"Are you filing the divorce papers tomorrow?" She stands in front of me, demanding my attention.

"Probably..." I slide my shoes on.

"Okay. So I was thinking that maybe you and Sofia would like to move in with me or something..."

"...Probably not. Demi would never let that go..."

"But what does she matter if you're divorced from her?"

"She's still Sofia's mom. And if she doesn't want Sofia living with you then I can't go against her wishes."

"You know what, Joe?"

"What?"

"Me or her?! You're always dissing me for something that DEMI wants or doesn't want. Me or her?!"

"...Ashley don't make me do this."

"I'm making you! RIGHT NOW!"

"Fine." I grab my jacket and pull it on. I walk towards the door.

"JOE!"

I turn around fast. "WHAT?!"

"CHOOSE!"

"I AM!" I scream at her. I can't do this anymore. I don't get females. I don't get why it just can't be sex with them. Why do they always want a relationship? "There was NOTHING between us. Maybe for a little while there was, but I feel NOTHING for you. Sofia's not your daughter and you're not my baby's mother. You asked me to choose between you and Demi? I'm sorry. It's not you." I open the door and walk out.

I feel bad about being so mean, but damn. It was like she was trying to take over for Demi, and I'll never let that happen.

I won't lie and say that I'll never see Ashley again. For all I know, we might end up together tomorrow. But she is nothing to me other than someone to keep my mind off Demi.

But she asked me to choose. And I choose Demi. I choose my wife.

If I'm being honest, I have to say that if Demi stayed the way she is right now, I would without a doubt stay with her. But Demi's done these things before. She's been clean for a while then she slips back.

I'm still going to file the papers tomorrow. I'm going to file them, because I still believe that divorcing Demi is the best thing for Sofia.

But I want to work it out between us. I want to remarry her someday and hopefully have more Sofias. I want to remarry her whenever we're both more mature and more responsible.

Then again... What if she finds someone else?

Demi is gorgeous. She's flawless. If I divorce her, she might meet someone else. And she might forget about me. And she might not want to remarry me someday.

...Is it possible that it's better for Sofia to just... Be with both of us? Is it possible that me and Demi can live like this until we're both on our feet? Can we remain like this without a divorce? Someday, she'll come around and when she does, we can just move back in together. That could be good for Sofia... Right?

I look over on the passenger's seat of my car. The packet of divorce papers is just sitting there, signed and ready to go.

I pull into the garage of the house. I grab the papers and get out the car. I go in through the basement door and shut it behind me. I'm ready to go to bed.

I toss the papers down on the kitchen table and walk through the hallway to go upstairs.

On my way upstairs, I pass the picture.

I'm wearing a white button-down shirt that isn't buttoned. It's open and my bare chest is exposed. Demi is wearing a white strapless shirt and her long, deep brown hair is tossed in curls over her shoulder. We're both looking down at our baby. She's beautiful. She's in only a pristine white diaper and she's resting in both me and Demi's arms together. She's a new baby. Her umbilical cord hasn't even fallen out yet. We're a family...

Fuck this.

I go back downstairs and grab the papers off the table. Fuck this. Fuck it. I want my girls.

I take the papers and go back out to the garage to get in the car. I grab the car keys off the key rack in the garage.

Before I get in the car, I walk over to the trashcans in the garage. I take off the lid of one of the cans.

I tear the 6-page packet into shreds. Fuck this.

I throw the packet into the trash and put the lid back on. I'm never looking back.

I get into my car, start it and pull out of the garage. I speed off in the direction of Demi's parents' house. It's 1:30 in the morning. They'll probably think I'm out of my mind for coming over at this hour.

But I'm thinking clear. I'm thinking clearer than I ever have in my entire twenty two years.

And I'm going to get my girls back.


	15. Just Want To Sleep

**Demi's Point of View.**

Stupid me to think that I would be alright just going to sleep and not thinking about the fact that Joe's filing divorce papers tomorrow morning.

Needless to say that I can't sleep. I was numb a minute ago, but I feel everything right now. And everything hurts.

I love Joe so much. I love him so much that I can't physically stomach the thought of him being gone from me. I love him so much that even the slightest memory of him stings. And he's divorcing me.

I don't want to feel anything. I want to be numb. My heart aches. I just want to numb this pain. I really don't want to get a divorce. I love him so much.

I reach over and check Sofia. Her little chest is still moving up and down with the motions of her breathing. Every now and again, a cute little smile spreads across her face before she goes back to dreaming.

Since me and Joe are divorcing, does this mean that he's gonna find someone else? He's gonna find someone else and Sofia's gonna grow to love her. Will she ever forget that I'm her mommy?

I want to be numb. I don't want to feel this anymore. I just want to let go. I want to sleep. It hurts too bad.

I kiss Sofia on her cheek once more and rub her rash-infested arm. She whines a little and changes her position. I stop touching her and let her sleep.

I want to sleep too. I just don't want to feel this. Does Tylenol make you sleepy?

I get up from my bed and wander into the guest bathroom. My mom always keeps Tylenol in all the bathrooms.

Quietly, I turn on the faucet. I turn it on so that it's softly running just so it won't wake my Sofia. I open the medicine cabinet and grab the little white bottle.

I twist the cap off and shake it. I'm just going to take enough to make me go to sleep. I need to be numbed too. I know I said I'd quit, but just a little bit would help...

I pour four little round pills into my hand and set them down on the sink. Just a little bit. I swear it won't make me high. I swear it will just make me feel a little less.

I go back into the guest room and grab my purse. I rummage around through it, careful not to wake up my Sofia. I grab the only bit of my stash I have left.

I grab it and take it into the bathroom. I swallow the pills with a little bit of water from the faucet and sit down. I won't snort that much. I promise. Just enough to make me numb enough to fall asleep.

I wonder what I have to do to get Joe to stay with me. What do I have to do to convince him that he doesn't have to divorce me? I just want to be with him. That's all I want. That's all...

I pour a little bit of the powder into my hand. I use my fingers to mash it up and make sure no hard particles are in it. When I'm done with that, I put my face down and sniff.

I sniff it hard to make sure it all gets in there good enough. I lean back against the bathroom door and wait. Wait for the Tylenol to kick in. Wait for the cocaine to numb me. I wait.

While I wait, I think about Joe. And I think about all the things that made me fall in love with him. I think about all the things that made me lose him. And I think about how much I'd give if I could just be clean.

How much different would my life be if I had never agreed to try it just because Hanna and Ivy were doing it. How I wish I would have never picked up the cocaine.

I wipe my face. I hate crying. Crying sucks. I think the Tylenol is starting to kick in, because I'm starting to see double. They're making me tired. I had better get up and go to sleep. I'm good enough to cuddle with Sofia.

I stand up from the floor. Okay... Why is the room spinning? I take one step and crash loudly into the door. Uh oh...

I grab into the wall to stabilize myself. I can make it to the bed. The bed is right there. I can make it to the bed... I keep holding onto the wall and I take baby steps. I feel sick... What did I do...

The room is spinning and the walls are really closing in on me. I just have to make it to the bed so that I can lie down. Please don't let my Sofia wake up.

I take another step as I carefully let go of the wall. I stumble again and fall forward. Woah...

Out of no where, I hear a ringing noise in my ears. Either the doorbell is ringing or this Tylenol really fucked me up.

I think I made a huge mistake. I want to take it back. Did I really take all that Tylenol? Please don't let me overdose... Oh no.

I just wanted to sleep...

I hear a loud thumping noise. My head is pounding. The thumping is getting closer, but my eyes are getting heavier. I think I'm going in and out of consciousness...

The thumping is very near. I think the thumping is the sound of my heartbeat in my ears. Oh my god... I can't die like this... Please don't let me die like this. I just wanted to sleep, that's all...

I try to stand up once more, but I collapse again. The thumping stops and I hear a creaking noise, similar to my door opening. I close my eyes.

And that's it.

* * *

**Joe's Point of View.**

I open the door to the guest room very excitedly. I just want to hold my girls in my arms. I want to hold both of them. Especially my Demi.

I step into the room. It's dark in here. They must really be sleeping. I walk over to the nightstand and turn on the soft lamp.

Sofia's lying asleep on one side of the bed, and the other side of the bed is empty. Where's Demi?

The bathroom light is on, and I hear the water running. She must be in the bathroom.

I walk over to the other side of the room, and what catches my eyes... Scares me more than anything I've ever seen in my life.

Why is she lying on the floor?! Why?! Did she fall asleep here?! Is she okay?!

I kneel down beside her and tap her softly. She's breathing slowly, so maybe she's only asleep. "Demi..." I rub her back.

Her body is twisted in a position that can't possibly be comfortable. Her eyes are closed and her face is unusually pale. She is breathing, but not responding to me. And what scares me even more than all this is the fact that she has remnants of a white substance around her left nostril. Demi...

"Baby, wake up. This isn't funny..." I shake her violently. Out of the corner of my eye, I see Sofia's little head pop up.

"Demi, wake up! Wake up, baby... Get up... Get up... What did you...do?" I grab her by her arms and make her so that she's laying on my lap and in my arms. "What'd you do?"

I kiss the top of her head as Sofia begins to scream and cry. I want to comfort her too, but I can't bring myself to leave Demi. What did she do?

I turn her over so that she's laying on her back. In her arms, she's clutching a little white bottle. I pry her hand off the bottle and look at it. It's Tylenol. How much did she take?!

"Demi... Demi..." I shake her some more. I plant a kiss on her lips. Her lips are dry and cold. I forcibly open her mouth. "Don't die on me baby... Don't die..." I shove two of my fingers down her throat. Her mouth is hot and very dry.

In my arms, she hunches up violently and throws up in my lap. One tiny little pill comes out. That's one...

Suddenly, it's not just us anymore. In comes Demi's mother. And her father too. I just keep holding Demi.

Dallas grabs Sofia and calms her down.

I stick my fingers a little further down Demi's throat. She vomits into my lap some more. One more pill came out.

She coughs hard and spits. She's still not fully conscious though. "Babe..." I rub her back. At the moment, I don't really care that I have Demi's vomit all over my pants. I don't care that my fingers are sticky and nasty from them being stuck into her mouth. I just care about her being okay.

She coughs some more. "Joe?" She calls my name with her eyes still closed. She's coughing.

"Yeah, it's me baby... It's me..." I kiss the top of her head and hold her. Her mom is on the phone with the paramedics.

Demi closes her eyes again. "No, baby... No. Don't..." I tap her.

She moans, clearly in some kind of pain. I rub her back. "You...the d...papers.." She stammers.

"No, baby. No... I'm not filing them... I'm not. They're in the garbage..." I kiss her cheek.

"Mmmm..." She passes out again. The paramedics can't get here fast enough...

"Demi... Baby... Wake up... Stay up... They're coming..." I hold her tight. Right now, it's just me and her right now. It's just us. Nobody else is in the room with us.

"...I love you..." I whisper directly in her ear. "Can you hear me?" I kiss her again. "I love you... I'm so sorry i didn't say it before, but I'm saying it now. I love you, baby... Don't die on me..."

She's gonna be okay. She has to be okay.

If Demi's not okay... I won't be okay. And I won't raise our baby alone. I need her. She's my baby...

She can't die.


	16. All My Love

**Sofia's Point of View.**

Dada take me home today. Him says my bummy tinky and I need a bathy. We been sittin in a room with mama for a long time.

Mama seem okay I just no know what happened to her. Her took a nappy on the floor in the bedroom and dada cried because mama didn't want to wake up. But mama is just like me sometimes cause I no want to wake up from nap.

Dada shaked mama so bad that her spit up. That happens to me sometimes. Him throws me up and catches me but him makes my tummy nasty too.

When mama finally waked up, her had to go to this room where all them did was let her night night some more. Mama woke up today and hugged me but then dada said it time to go.

Dada and mama okay now because dada kiss mama a lot when her was night night. Dada kept rubbin mama arm and him cried. The gampaw taked me to get nummy nummies down in the nummy room. I no eat eat but the gampaw did.

"Sofia..." Dada give my cheek kissy when him put a new diapy on me. "You want a bottle, baby?" Him picks me up. No bottle dada. I'm not hungy.

"Here. Eat something before grandma comes over to watch you. Daddy has to go back with mommy." Dada grabs a bubba off the table and tries to feed me.

I not hungy. Leave me...lone! I push the bubba way with my hands. No, dada. Stop it.

"Sofia, you haven't eaten anything all day. Eat something." Dada puts the bubba in my mouth but I turn my head.

"Ehhhhh! Ehhhhehhh!" I push the bubba way again. Dada no get it. I no want to eat eat. I want night night.

"Sofia, it's mommy's milk. It's not formula..." Dada keep trying.

I snack dada on his arm and kick my feetsie. I not hungy! Leave me lone! "Ehhhh!"

"Okay! Okay!" Dada hold me and rub my back. "Okay..." Him gimme kissies. "I'm sorry." Him kissy my head.

I just wanna go see mama. That's all. I wanna see mama then go night night. And my tum tum hurts. Mama make my tum tum feel better.

"Grandma's coming to sit with you, okay?" Dada lays my head on hims shoulder and him walks downstairs.

I close my eyes. Dada my tum tum hurts... "Dah Dah..."

"What, honey?" Him sits on the couch and lays me on hims lap. Him holds my feetsies.

My tum hurts... "Ehhh muhhney..."

"Here." Him hand me my Minnie Mouse and a sucky. Him rubs my hair. "You're a pretty baby..."

Owwwie my tum tum... Owwie, dada. "Ehhh... Ehh... Ehhh..." Where's the pink stuffy mama gimme for my tummy?

"Shhhh... Shhh..." Dada hold me and rub my bummy. No dada... It's my tummy...

"EHHHHH!" Why won't him listen? My tummy hurts... Mama listens...

"Are you sleepy? You're fussy, honey." Dada take my sucky and him suck on it. Him pick me up and lay me on hims chest. Him gimme back my sucky.

The bell bell ring. Mimi here? Maybe her will listen...

My toes bend under my feetsies that's now bad my tummy hurt. I not sleepy...

"Come in!" Dada scream. Him still rubbing my bummy.

"Ehhhhhhhhhhhhhh!... Ehhhhhhh!"

"What are you doing to my grandbaby, Joe?" Mimi come in the living room and walk over to dada.

"I think she's tired. She's real fussy." Dada lift me up and hand me to Mimi.

"No, that's not a tired cry, Joe." Mimi hold me in the air to look at me. "That's a pain cry. She's in pain." Mimi lay me down on the couch and her sit by me. "...Her little belly is bothering her." Mimi take my sucky.

"How do you know?" Dada ask her.

"Because. You see how she's pullin' her knees into her stomach? And her stomach is hard. Her belly hurts." Mimi start rubbin my tummy. Her feel good.

"I think she's sick then. She has this rash on her arm and her stomach hurts..."

"She might just have diarrhea, Joe." Mimi grab my legs and move them. Her making my tummy better.

"What's with the rash then?"

"Babies' skin is very sensitive. It might be a heat rash. It might be because you used laundry detergent that was too strong for her..." Mimi grab my arm and rub the bumps.

"She's fine then?"

"She's okay. If you want to take her to the doctor to get it checked out, there's nothing wrong with that. But she's okay..." Mimi keep rubbing my belly. "Is her stomach swollen though?"

"No, she's just chubby." Dada puts on hims shoes.

"...Alrighty. Go ahead to the hospital and be with Demi. I got her for the night..." Mimi pick me up so I lay on her and her keep rubbing my tummy.

"Alright. I'll be back in the morning. Bye Sofia... I love you honey."

Bye dada.

"Try and get her to eat something if you can, mom. She hasn't eaten much..."

"Alright Joe. I got it." Mimi rock me back and forth.

Dada leave the house. Him gone. It just be and Mimi now.

"You do have a swollen little belly... I'll tell daddy to make you an appointment tomorrow..." Mimi kissies my cheek.

I lay my head on Mimi. My head is heavy. I can't hold it up no more. I go night night now.

* * *

**Demi's Point of View**.

"Sofia wouldn't eat anything today... She just wouldn't..." Joe sits near the head of my hospital bed and holds my hand.

"She wouldn't eat? Did you try to give her breastmilk?"

"Yeah. I had some in a bottle. She wouldn't eat it. She wouldn't eat it at all." He rubs my hand.

"Oh... That's weird." I miss my Sofia. I miss her so much. I wanna hold her.

"Did they tell you when you're out of here?"

"Tomorrow afternoon they're letting me out. I'm on suicide watch all night..."

"...What were you thinking, Demi? Seriously. What were you thinking?"

"That I wanted to sleep. I wasn't trying to kill myself. I was just trying to make myself sleepy. It wasn't a suicide attempt."

"...I really thought I was gonna lose you. Don't do that to me." He leans in and kisses me on my lips.

I smile slightly. "...What made you decide to throw the papers away?"

"I went home." He stands up and squeezes in the narrow hospital bed with me. He holds me around my waist. "And I saw our family picture. And I realized that I need my girls."

"Your girls?"

"Yeah. My girls." He kisses me on my lips again. "You know I saved your life..."

"By making me puke? A year ago, I could've done that myself..." I joke around. It's nice when I can make a joke out of everything.

I'm really just glad that I'm okay. I would've been so mad at myself if I had to spend longer than a day in the hospital. It wasn't even really an overdose. I didn't need my stomach pumped or anything. I'm fine.

"Am I gonna be able to move back in with you when I get out of here?"

"Your parents were talking about sending you to rehab..." He kisses my cheek.

"I don't need rehab. I really don't. I can function without coke. I'm fine without coke. I wasn't even having withdrawal symptoms from it."

"Well, you tell that to them. Because they're looking to send you..."

"Am I kicked out?"

"No. They said you can still live with them..."

"That's good..." I sigh in relief. I'm surprised they're not kicking me out.

"So tomorrow after you get out of here, you wanna go to dinner or something? Just me and you?"

"...Sure... Then I can come back home?"

"...No. I still think we should have away time from each other. But... You're not single. So don't go fucking other guys."

"You don't go fucking other girls..."

"Only you, babe." He kisses me on my lips and I take it upon myself to suck his bottom lip.

He smiles at me. "So I was thinking..."

"Don't think, Joe." I roll my eyes at him.

"I wanna have more Sofias..." He kisses my neck.

I close my eyes. "No... No more... Not until she's at least two..."

"She's almost one. Good enough..."

"She'll be nine months old tomorrow. She isn't almost one..."

"Please, baby? Just one more... One more Sofia. Hopefully we get a boy. And name him Joe Jr."

"Joe Jr.?! Ew!"

"WHAT?! JOE JR. IS A BEAUTIFUL NAME!" He jokes and laughs. I'm so glad to have my Joey back. He's my best friend.

"Let's just focus on Sofia before we bring any... Joe Jr.'s into the world."

I know that things between me and Joe aren't anywhere near being alright. I know things are still incredibly rocky between us. But I feel like we're starting, and to start is hope.

"Can you call your mom? I wanna see what Sofia's doing... She's probably sleep... But still..."

"She was a mess when I left." He grabs his phone and starts dialing. "She was crying and her stomach hurt really bad."

"Awww... My poor baby. I should tell your mom where the Pepto is..."

Joe hands me his phone while it's still ringing. "I'm gonna go use the bathroom before me and you go to sleep..."

"Okay." I hold the phone up to my ear and Joe disappears into the hallway.

"Hello?" Denise answers.

"Hi, Denise. It's Demi..."

"Oh, Hi Demi... How are you feeling, sweetie?"

"I'm fine... They're discharging me tomorrow... I'm okay." I clear my throat. "Actually, I was calling to check up on Sofia. Joe told me she wasn't feeling good... Is she asleep?"

"No, she's not sleeping. She's watching a movie with me. She's having a hard time getting to sleep. But she's drifting right now."

"Awww okay... Is she alright? Was it just her tummy?"

"Yeah. I know you and Joe are going through a busy time right now with you being in the hospital, but whenever you get a free chance, she really should see a doctor."

"Is she that bad off?"

"No, not exactly. She seems fine. She stopped crying. She just doesn't seem... Okay to me. You'd see it too if you could see her. It's just a motherly instinct."

"What's the matter with her?"

"She's just lying here. Not acting like Sofia. The rash on her arm is looking pretty bad, and she keeps putting her head down. Like it's too heavy for her to handle. And I told Joe that her stomach looks swollen to me, but he said it's just her chub."

"Oh my god... I'm gonna take her to a doctor tomorrow. I swear I will. My poor baby..." I'm about to cry. I just wanna hold her. She's obviously sick. "What do you think it is, Denise?"

"Judging by the rash on her arm, I think it might be a little bit of ringworm or a skin infection. Nick had ringworm when he was little and it looked similar to this... He had a bad fever with it because me and Paul thought it was only a heat rash at first, so we didn't get him help right away."

"Oh my gosh..." A tear slips through my eye. My Sofia. I just want to hold her. "Give her a lot of love and kisses for me..."

"I sure will, Demi. Don't worry about it... If it is ringworm, she can wait until tomorrow to see a doctor. It's not gonna kill her."

"Okay... I have to go... We're gonna go to sleep now..."

"Alright, Demi. Take care honey."

"You too. And take care of my baby... Please."

"I will honey."

I hang up the phone and start to cry a little bit. I know she's probably okay, but my poor baby. I just want to hold her and kiss her and love on her.

Joe walks back in the room. He's drying his hands on the seat of his jeans. "What's the matter, babe?"

"Sofia..."

"What about her?" His eyes grow big with worry.

"Your mom said she's really sick... She might have ringworm. We gotta take her to see someone tomorrow... Your mom said she's miserable..."

"Ringworm?"

"Yeah..." I sniff. She probably wants her mommy... And I'm here.

"Demi, it's not your fault. It's okay. My mom has her. She's safe with my mom... You know that."

"...Yeah, but... I just want my baby..."

"It's okay... It's okay. She's okay."

I hope Joe's right. I need my Sofia to be okay. I just want to hold her.

I have to trust Denise to give her all my love.


	17. What Are You Thinking?

**Sofia's Point of View.**

I open up my eyes cause it time to wake up. I smell nummy nummies. Maybe mama makin nummy nummies. I not hungy though.

I open up my lips and blow air out. My tummy hurt still. My eye hurt too. And my head. I fink I got a "told." Mama gimme medicine when I have a told.

"Good morning, Sofia!" Mimi yells at me in the kitchen. I on the couch. Her night night with me last night. I try to sit up but my head hurt too much so I lay down.

Mimi come in the living room. "Do you want some eggs? You wanna eat eat?"

No thank you Mimi. I not hungy.

Mimi walk over to me and her sit down. Her got a bubba. "...Oh my god." Mimi sound like her eyes wet. What's wrong Mimi?

"Sofia, did you poke yourself in your eye?" Mimi lean down and touch my eye. My eye hurt. "What did you do to your eye, baby?"

"Ehhh..." I no do nothin to my eye Mimi. It just hurt.

"I gotta call your daddy. Here. Drink some juice." Mimi gimme bubba. Bubba has dark stuff in it. My favorite juicy. I no want any though.

"Joe, what time are you and Demi coming home?" Mimi talkin on the phone.

I take a drink of the bubba. It taste good. I not hungy though. I no good feel. No good. I want mama.

"I don't care how hungry you two are, don't stop ANYWHERE. Sofia is sick... Very sick... You need to get home."

Bubba too heavy for me. I put it down. I want some more of it but I no hold it. Too heavy. Too heavy.

"Muhh muhh..." I want mama. I want dada too. I wanna go back night night.

Mimi get off the phone and her sit down with me. "Here, drink your juice." She hands me the bubba back.

Can't hold it Mimi. It too heavy. I drop the bubba on the floor. My tummy hurt Mimi. Rub it again? "Meh meh..."

"Hold your bottle, Sofia..." Her give it back. I drop it again. Her stand up. "Come on..." Her pick up the bubba and pick me up too. I lay on her because my head too heavy too.

Mimi take me in the kitchen. It smell good. Her make nummy nummies. "You want some eggs, honey? You wanna eat eat some eggs?"

No, Mimi. I just lay down and drink juicy. I want mehsin. Mehsin make me feel better.

"You want some medicine, baby?"

Yes, Mimi. Mehsin good.

"Here. Eat eat some eggs and then you can have some medicine to make you feel better. Okay?" Mimi feed me a egg. It good.

"Your mommy is coming home soon. And so is your daddy..." Her feed me more eggs. Num num, but still not hungy.

"Let's get you some medicine and we can watch a movie... Okay?" Mimi rub my back. Mimi understand. Her know I no feel good.

Mimi take me back to the living room. Her sit on the couch again and her take my bubba and put orange stuff in it. Her shake it up and gimme. "Here... Let's watch a movie. Let's watch The Princess and The Frog." Mimi turn on a movie. I love this movie!

I suck on my bubba and watch. Mimi rub my back. I feel okay now but still no good.

"You like princesses, Sofia?" Mimi rub my back and talk to me.

I love pincesses Mimi. Specially Cinnawella... Dada say I go see Cinnawella someday cause him and mama worked for Mickey Mouse. "Ehhh pinny..."

Mimi rub my tummy. "You're daddy's a nut. Your belly is clearly all swelled up." Mimi kissy my cheek. "They better take you to see a doctor or I'm gonna kick their butts! Say it, Sofia. I'm gonna kick their butts!"

Mimi funny. I wanna see Mimi kick dada butt. It be funny. Mimi kick mama butt funny too... Long as they no kick my butt.

The front door open up and dada walk in. "Dah Dah!" I wanna yell at him louder but my neck hurt.

Behind dada is mama. "Mah mah!"

"Thank you so much, Denise. Thank you..." Mama look sad. Mama grab me. "Oh my goodness... Sofia... What happened baby?" Mama hold me and her kissy my lips. I missed you mama.

Mama keep kissy my lips. "My baby... Are you sick, honey?" I lay down on mama. My head still too heavy.

* * *

**Demi's Point of View.**

"Her eye... It's droopy... What's wrong with her eye?" I lay Sofia down on the carpet and hover over her. She looks bad. My baby looks terrible...

"She just woke up with that... It wasn't like that when she fell asleep." Denise sits down next to me and Joe sits down near Sofia's head.

I pull her eyelid down to look into her eye. It's swollen and very droopy. What's wrong with her? "Oh my god..." I grab her right arm to check out the rash. It's red and blistered. Everything that is wrong seems to be wrong on the right side of her body... Her right arm, her right eye...

"She ate a little bit of scrambled eggs this morning but she was kind of sluggish and lethargic. She hasn't used the bathroom either. I haven't had to change her diaper the entire time she's been with me..." Denise just keeps explaining.

"Joe, go get my phone... I have her pediatrician in my phone... GET MY PHONE!" I just scream at him. What's wrong with my baby?

"You need to calm down!" Joe yells back and grabs my phone for me.

I just can't take it anymore. I hold Sofia in my arms and just break down. Something is wrong with my baby. It might not be real serious, but I need to know what's the matter with my baby...

Joe is dialing the number on my phone. He needs to hurry up.

I go between Sofia's legs and unbutton her onesie. I need to see her stomach. I pull the onesie up so that her normally chubby stomach is exposed. Her diaper is covering the majority of her belly, so I yank the diaper off too. Her stomach isn't just chubby. The left side of her stomach is protruding out a little more than the right side.

"Yes, I'm calling to make an appointment with Dr. Fletcher for my daughter..." Joe's on the phone.

I put my fingers on the pad of Sofia's diaper. It's dry. She really hasn't peed? I hold her chunky little legs up and examine her. She looks normal down there. Why hasn't she gone to the bathroom?

"She's nine months old..." Joe's still talking.

"Give the phone, Joe." I hold my hand out. He waves me off. I'm gonna kill him.

"GIVE ME THE PHONE, JOE." I snatch it off him. I hold the phone to my ear and begin to speak. "I need an appointment with Dr. Fletcher IMMEDIATELY. like... Today... Please..."

"Dr. Fletcher is a very busy man... He's all booked up for today. What is your child's name, ma'am?"

"Her name is Sofia Jonas... Do you have ANYONE else I can see today? I need to see someone TODAY. I need a pediatrician... I need anyone..." I can't stop crying. I have that feeling. Something is really wrong with my baby. I think she's having a bad allergic reaction to something, or she has a really bad infection... I just need to know...

"What are her signs and symptoms, ma'am?"

"She has a bad rash on her arm... And her eye is very swollen... And so is her stomach. She hasn't had a bowel movement in almost a day... She's sweating really bad right now... She's hot... Won't hold her bottle... Won't hold her head up..." I'm pleading with this woman. My pride is shot, but I don't care. Somebody HAS to help me TODAY.

"I can squeeze Sofia in with Dr. Lawman today. Dr. Lawman is a close colleague of Dr. Fletcher, Dr. Lawman is very well trained at what he does. If you don't mind, I can have you in with Dr. Lawman today at 1:30."

"Thank you, so much... Thank you... Thank you..." I sniff and wipe my eyes. Thank this woman... Oh my god, bless her.

"What'd she say?" Denise straps a fresh diaper on Sofia. Joe is trying to feed her a Popsicle since she's so sweaty.

"She has an appointment at 1:30 today, so we need to get her dressed." I busily clean up Sofia's old diaper. I look into the laundry closet and grab a new onesie for her. I always try to make her look her best, because there are constantly paparazzi following us, but at this moment, I truly don't care what she looks like.

I get back down on the ground with her and and put her new onesie on, careful not to pump her stomach in the wrong way.

She lazily tosses her head to the side and sighs. Something is really wrong with her.

"I'm gonna head over to your parents' house, Demi. I'll let them know what's going on with Sofia."

"Okay... Thank you so much, Denise. Thank you." I lift Sofia up as gently as possible and hold her. She moans softly in my ear then licks her lips. She lies her head on my shoulder and rests her face in the crook of my neck.

"Call me as soon as you find out ANYTHING about her..."

"We will, mom." Joe is calm. I wish I could be calm right now, but I'm freaking out. She's my baby... I can't be calm.

Joe grabs Sofia's diaper bag and we both leave the house. I don't want to put her down, but I have to so that I can put her into the car seat.

I strap her into her car seat and hand her the Popsicle. She sucks on it and flops her head against her head rest. I hate seeing her like this. Where's my happy, smiley, giggly, joyful baby?

Joe gets in the driver's seat and me i the passenger's seat. It's 1:13. We have fifteen minutes to get to the Burbank Children's Clinic. It's only a few minutes away.

Joe starts the car and backs out of the garage. I'm a basket case right now.

I know in my heart that Sofia is going to be okay. I know that it's nothing that a shot of antibiotics can't cure. But I can't take seeing her so miserable and upset. I'm her mommy. I'm supposed to be able to fix her.

"Babe, just calm down. Just calm down... You're gonna give yourself a panic attack." Joe holds my hand. "Sofia's okay. She's okay..."

I sniff. "I just wanna fix her..."

"We are gonna fix her babe. She probably has a bad infection. She's fine." He turns a bin and arrives at the stoplight.

"I just want her to be okay..."

"Just calm down, baby. Calm down..." He drives across an intersection and pulls into the parking lot of the clinic. It doesn't look too busy today.

After Joe parks the car, I hurry up and get out. Sofia is still wide awake in the backseat. She usually loves car rides, but she looks so displeased and uninterested.

I grab her by her armpits and lift her out of her car seat. Almost instinctively, she lies her head down on my shoulder again. Shockingly enough, there are no paparazzi outside. There will probably be people outside when we leave though.

I follow Joe inside the clinic and into the waiting room. "Sign in..." I tell him. I sit down in a chair in a corner with Sofia on my lap. She nestles her head between my boobs and sighs. I rub her back and make her feel comfortable.

I have to really try not to cry. Whatever it is, I hope they can make my baby okay soon. I hate having her lay around like this.

* * *

**Joe's Point of View**.

I sit down beside Demi and Sofia and just wait. I grab Sofia's foot and look at the cute pink sandals Demi put her in. The sandals are cute.

"Tell mommy to stop worrying. Tell mommy you're okay. Tell her that it's just an infection that's kicking your butt right now." I "make" Sofia say in a little baby voice. I'm trying to make Demi feel better.

Sofia blinks her eye, including the droopy one and cracks a smile at me. Her smiles are basically what I live for.

"Sofia?" A nice little blonde girl calls her name from behind a door. Demi stands up quickly and walks over to the door. I follow her and we all go back through a hallway and into a purple room.

"So why is Sofia here today?" The blonde's voice is really annoying, but she's being nice. She shuts the door and washes her hands.

"Her eye is droopy... And her stomach is swollen... She hasn't eaten... She hasn't used the bathroom. An she has a little rash on her arm. We think it might be ringworm..." Demi explains. She's still holding Sofia tight. Sofia is lying on her and sucking on a pacifier.

"Does she have a fever?" The blonde grabs a little basket and wheels it over to us to use the devices inside. She grabs a pulse monitor and puts it on Sofia's foot. She wraps a blood pressure cup around Sofia's good arm and turns it on.

"Yeah, she has a slight fever..." Demi kisses Sofia's head.

The blonde wipes this machine across Sofia's forehead then reads it. "Her temperature is 101.8, so she's still a little high..." She touches Sofia's head. "She's a cutie..."

"Thank you..." Demi says.

"Can I see her arm? I want to check out the rash... You said you think it's ringworm?"

"Yeah..." Demi turns Sofia towards her and shoes her the rash.

The blonde touches it with her gloved hand. "...Not ringworm..." She shakes her head.

"It's not?" I speak up. I'm actually a little surprised.

"No... Ringworm is usually in the shape of a ring or in a cluster. Not like this..." She takes the blood pressure cup off Sofia. "I'm gonna put in all her symptoms, and then I'll get Dr. Lawman in here. Alright?"

"Okay..." Demi holds Sofia like she's holding her life. And in all honesty, I can't believe that I considered divorcing this woman. She doesn't really ever cease to amaze me with how good of a mom she is, even whenever she was high.

The blonde leaves the room and it's just us.

"...Joe, why do I get the feeling that it's not just an infection?" Demi wipes her tears and sniffs.

"Baby, just calm down... Don't make yourself sick..." I hold Demi's hand. Sofia lays on her and sighs softly. Sofia is very sick... I can see that. I'm worried. But I'll keep it together for Demi.

"I want to know what's wrong with her, but I'm so scared..."

"Don't be scared baby... She's gonna be fine."

There's a knock, and the door opens. In walks a tall, lanky dude with grey hair and glasses. He's very old, which kind of makes me feel good. It means he's been doing this for a while.

"Hello, nice to meet you, I'm Dr. Gary Lawman..." He sounds disinterested. He nonchalantly shakes me and Demi's hands.

"You're here because..." He looks at Sofia's chart. "Abdominal swelling... Mysterious rash... Lazy eye... Lack of bowel movements and diminished appetite." He reads directly off the chart.

"Yes sir..." Demi says softly, trying not to alarm sleeping Sofia.

"And how old is the child?" He washes his hands at the sink and pulls on a pair of gloves.

"She's nine months old today..." I say so Demi doesn't have to. She sounds like see about to cry.

"Take her t-shirt off, please. Then place her up on this table..." He grabs a stethoscope out of his drawer.

Demi takes Sofia's onesie off.

"Ehhhhyehhh..." Sofia whines. She doesn't like to be disturbed while she sleeps.

"Shhh..." Demi calms her down and puts her on the exam table. Sofia frantically sucks on her pacifier.

The doctor pushes on Sofia's stomach. He looks into Sofia's eye. "How did she get this on the foot?" He asks us, still looking at Sofia's belly.

"She had an accident last month." I dismiss it. I know how much Demi hates to talk about that.

He grabs Sofia's arm. "She was a healthy baby? How much she weigh at birth?"

"Seven pounds even." Demi says. "...Is this an infection?"

"No infection I've ever seen..." He shakes his head.

"Is she okay?" I ask.

"You were smart to bring her here..." He lifts Sofia up. "I cannot help you here. I have an idea of what I believe may be wrong with your baby, but I don't want to give a false diagnosis, because the diagnosis I have in mind is in fact cause for alarm."

Demi just loses it. She puts her face in her hands and behind to sob. She sobs hard. I hold her hand to let her know I'm here for her.

"...So what do we do?" She asks. She's sobbing so hard.

"I'm going to refer you to my son-in-law. He is a specialist at Children's Hospital of Los Angeles. He is a brilliant man. He is a busy man, but I will put a personal reference in because I have a strong inkling of what is wrong. Go to CHLA immediately. Tell them Dr. Lawman from the children's clinic sent you to see Paul Feldman. Tell them I sent you.."

"Okay..." Demi sniffs and picks Sofia up. She holds her as if she's protecting her from anything that could go wrong.

"Thank you." I thank the doctor for his time.

Demi storms out of the room with Sofia in her arms.

I stand up and shake the man's hand. "...Is my daughter going to die?" I just have to ask. I think I can handle the answer.

"If I can help it, Mr. Jonas... Your daughter will be just fine. Get her to the hospital immediately.."

"What is it? What are you thinking?"

"I won't say, Mr. Jonas... I won't say. Because I refuse to alarm you and your wife like that."

"...Thank you for your time, sir."

I'm worried sick. But I won't let Demi know that. I won't.

I just hope our baby is okay...


	18. Running Scared

**Demi's Point of View.**

I'm a mixture between upset, nauseous, nervous and downright sad. Whatever is wrong with my Sofia, I need it to be fixed. And I need it to be fixed right now.

You know, I've been through a lot of pain in my life. When I was littler, my parents didn't have a healthy relationship. My dad used to beat on my mom, then make it up to my sister and I in the worst way.

The pain was even worse when I started grade school and girls my age would say rotten things about me.

The worst kind of pain I've ever felt was feeling the desperation of a last resort to drag a blade across my wrist.

I thought it hurt when my dad threw me against a wall. I thought it hurt when he broke my nose.

No, I thought I finally experienced the worst pain of my life whenever I signed those divorce papers.

But nothing could have ever prepared me for this feeling. The feeling that I KNOW nothing good is going to come of this. That something is terribly wrong with my baby, and I can't even fix it.

Something is wrong with my perfect little Sofia, with her chubby cheeks and long eyelashes. My perfect little baby with pink cheeks and perfectly ripe gums. The baby I sat and endured nine hours of complete agony for. The baby that came from ME. I'd rather go through that and have a million contractions than to feel this.

Pain comes in all forms. Pain comes in all types. Pain comes from your heart. But the pain I'm feeling now is coming from my soul.

After a grueling half-hour ride to the Children's Hospital, Joe finally pulls into a parking spot in the emergency unit. Part of me wonders how long we're gonna be here. I wonder if they'll diagnose my baby today, and fix her overnight. I wonder if it'll take a week. I wonder if it'll take two weeks. I just wonder.

I get out of the car. My legs feel like jello, my entire body numb. It isn't until I look down at my own wrist and see the white bracelet that I realize I just got out of the hospital myself earlier today. My problems can wait. Fuck Tylenol overdose. That's so minuscule.

I grab Sofia out of her car seat. She's awake, her droopy eye nearly shut. She immediately lies her head on my shoulder. Joe walks fast to the entrance.

This hospital is huge. It has very wide windows and it looks spacious, just from the outside. We walk through the emergency room doors. It's colorful inside of here. Colorful like a kid friendly place.

Joe and I walk to the registration desk. I'm trying so hard not to cry.

"How may I help you?" An Indian woman looks up and smiles. She's looking at Joe with her smile. Clearly, she recognizes him. He's a Jonas brother, why wouldn't she, right?

"We just came from the Children's Clinic... In Burbank..." I kiss Sofia on her forehead and sway from side to side with her. Anything to make her happy. "We were referred to a... Paul Feldman by Dr. Lawman..."

She looks through a stack of papers and clicks something on a computer. "Dr. Feldman is all booked up for the day... We cannot get you in..." She says grimly.

"No..." My world is just crumbling. It's crashing down right before me. "Please... Is there ANY possible way? Please... PLEASE..." I can't stop sobbing. I know I'm upsetting Sofia. Joe pulls me over and puts his arm around me.

"I'm very sorry... The earliest Dr. Feldman can see you is next Monday at the earliest..."

"This can't wait until next Monday..." Joe says. I just sob. Someone has to see us today.

"I will take down your information... And I will get you a bed for the night. But Dr. Feldman is very busy..." She hands Joe clipboard.

"BUT THE DOCTOR AT THE CLINIC SAID HE'D SEE US TODAY!" I scream at the poor woman. "He said he'd put in a personal order to see us today... Please..."

The woman looks at me, sorrow written clear across her face. "...I will page Dr. Feldman and ask him if he could take a late lunch to see you... That's all I can do... I'm sorry."

"Thank you... Thank you..." I can't believe I'm putting my life in these people's hands. I have to throw my pride out the window and beg for my baby to be seen. I don't even care.

"Just wait right here..." She says. She wheels her chair over and picks up a phone. She pushes a blue button and puts the receiver to her ear. "Yes, hi Dr. Feldman, it's Ilyana from the service desk... I have a family here with a baby... Yes. Said they were recommended here by Lawman at the clinic in Burbank... Yes. Yes. Alright." She hangs up and looks at us. "He's expecting you. Already cancelled two appointments..."

I sigh in relief. Thank god... "Oh my god, thank you..." I whisper.

"Dr. Feldman is on the pink floor. Take the elephant elevator up to the second floor, make a right. You'll come to another elevator, called the rainbow elevator. This elevator will be special, it will be color coordinated. Press the button to the pink floor. They will assist you from there."

"Thank you so much." I nod. I hold Sofia close to me and start walking. Joe isn't far behind me.

We come to a grey elevator with an elephant trunk painted on it. I guess this is the elephant elevator. I press the button and wait.

Joe reaches over and touches Sofia's eye. "Whatever it is... Daddy will fix it." He kisses Sofia's eye. Sofia sighs.

The elevator doors open and I walk through them. I push the button to the second floor and wait. My fear of elevators has suddenly diminished. All I care about is getting to this doctor.

The elevator jerks twice and comes to a stop. The doors open. Joe and I step out of the elevator and make a right like we were told. Sure enough, there is the rainbow elevator. The rainbow elevator is all glass with the reflections of rainbows and sunlight coming in through the roof. It's nice.

We step in the elevator and Joe pushes the pink button. Another couple comes in with their son. Their son is older, in his preteens.

"This is soooo stupid... This hospital is for babies. Can we just get my medicine and go home?" The little boy complains. His mother pushed the button to the blue floor. The blue floor is the behavioral health floor from what I saw on the directory when I glanced at it. He must have ADHD or something. Lucky him.

"You know what, Garrett." The boys dad says firmly.

"...She's precious, how old?" The mother asks me.

"Nine months..." I answer.

"You're going to the pink floor?" She asks. Her eyes widen slightly.

"Yes." I nod.

"...Best of luck." She says as if she's just given us a death statement. The elevator stops and they get off on the blue floor.

"What's the pink floor?" I demand from Joe, as if he knows.

"I don't know, babe..."

We pass an orange floor and we are now at the pink floor. The doors open for us and we step out. It really is the pink floor.

Everything is pink. Pink carpets, pink chairs, pink walls. Pink secretary desks. I look up at a sign. "Welcome to the Pink floor!" It says. They have a pink flamingo statue holding the sign. What. Is. The. Pink floor?

I walk over to another registration desk. This time, a young black woman is sitting at the desk. She has on pink scrubs. "Hello, do you have an appointment?"

"...Not exactly. But Dr. Feldman... He's expecting us." Joe says.

"You must be Sofia's parents..." She nods and grabs a pink clipboard. She hands me the clipboard. "I've already heard much about Sofia...we're all expecting her." She smiles.

I smile slightly too. I feel okay right now. Like I know my baby is going to get good care here. I can feel it.

"Go in through the piggy doors, and tell the secretaries in there that you're Dr. Feldman's special patient. They'll take you straight to him." She instructs us.

"Thank you." Joe says to her as he walks in the direction of the piggy doors. I walk towards the piggy doors too, and I just so happen to see a couple kids looking into the giant aquarium in the center of the room. These kids look different. These kids can't possibly be here for what they look like they're here for. And if they are here for what they look like they're here for... Why am I here?

"Excuse me..." I turn around in my tracks and go back to the woman. "What floor is this?" I ask, not entirely sure if I want to know the answer. I think I already know. There's only one reason I can think of for beautiful little kids to be walking around staring into an aquarium with no hair on their heads.

"This is the pediatric oncology floor..." She says with a sad look on her face.

"...Oncology? Oncology as in... As in..." I can't say it.

"I'm afraid so." She nods. "But Dr. Feldman is the BEST. He... People bring their children all over the nation to see him..."

"...okay." I don't really mean that. I don't mean "okay." But what else can I say?

I walk back towards Joe. We both go in though the piggy doors. "...You know what floor this is, right?"

Joe nods slowly. He holds my hand. "But we'll fight it."

"I know we will." I turn my head and kiss Sofia on her forehead, between her eyes. I'm not losing my baby to this. I won't.

Together, hand in hand, Joe and I both approach the desk. "We're Dr. Feldman's special patients..." Joe says.

"Must be little Sofia..." One of the nurses smiles and nods. "We're going to take excellent care of her."

"Go right in through those doors. Dr. Feldman is waiting for you..." Another nurse points to a set of double doors. I nod once, brace Sofia in my arms, and walk with Joe through the doors.

I'm prepared for the worst diagnosis. I'm prepared for them to tell me this. But I'm not prepared to lose my baby.

But what's strange is that I have an overwhelming sense of hope. I can tell that they're good here. And I believe that my little baby will make it though this... With the help of these people.

All I've got to hold onto now is my sickly, beautiful little baby, my strong husband's hand, and hope.

* * *

**Sofia's Point of View.**

Mama carry me into a door. I see piggies and birdies here. I like it here. Mama been cryin a lot. I wonder why.

"Hello!" Another boy says to us. Him tall like dada and him has yellow hair. Mama smile and hold me closer to her.

"Hello..." Her says to him. Her shake hims hand.

"Paul Feldman." Him shakes mama and dada hand.

"I'm Demi... This is my husband, Joe... And this is Sofia..."

I think mama want me to say hi. I no feel like it though. I no wanna say hi.

"Yes, Sofia. My father in law told me about you." Him makes hims hands wet in a sink. Him dries his hands and puts on pink gubbs.

"My father in law told you to bring her here..." Him takes me off mama and lay me down on a table. I want mama...

"Yes... He looked a little... Worried.. He said he couldn't help us at the clinic..." Mama walk over to the table and her watch. Dada give mama a hug.

"He is correct." Doctor him take my clothes off again. Him push my tummy but not like Mimi did. Him touch my arm. Him open my eye up. "They aren't equipped to deal with serious things like this at the clinic. They don't have the technology."

Mama sniff and her breathe hard. "Dr. Feldman, we know what floor this is..." Mama hold my hand. "Will you tell us if she's going to be alright?"

"As far as a diagnosis, I can't give you a concrete one right now, because I haven't ran tests on her. But I believe we're looking at the middle stages of a cancer known as Neuroblastoma."

"A cancer?" Dada hold mama closer and him look sad. What a canter?

"Yes, Neuroblastoma is the most common childhood cancer, right next to leukemia. But it's also so rare that only about 700 cases are found a year." Doctor him take my diapy off. "If caught early, it is very easy to treat, and most babies go on to live very full lives. But if caught later on, it's hard to cure. I have to diagnose her properly. If her test comes back positive, then I will stage her today. To find out which stage she's in."

Mama turns to dada and her put her face in hims chest. Dada rub her back.

"So you've done this before?" Dada ask.

Doctor him pick me up while I nakey. Him carry me to a comfy bed. "Mr.

Jonas, your daughter is safe with me. I've treated over 200 cancer patients. Some live, some die. Granted, I've only treated four other children with Neuroblastoma, but they all except one went on to live. Most of them are cancer free."

"You've only treated four other babies with this?" Mama takes the pink clothes that doctor him gives her.

"Yes. And if she does have this disease, I believe we're looking at the youngest child in the nation to be diagnosed."

"...How do you diagnose her?" Dada ask.

"I'm going to do four simple tests on her. One, I'm going to draw some blood from the rash on her skin. Then I'm going to draw fluid from her adrenals. I'll also do a CT scan and an MRI, then a simple urine test. If her results come back positive, I'll have to stage her to find out what stage."

"...Okay." Dada say.

Mama put the pink dressy on me. It comfy. I a pincess. Her tie the dress round my back and put on pink sockies. Her pick me up. I no have a diapy.

"Do you have a diaper I can put on her?" Mama ask. Her rub my back and make me lay down.

"Yes, but I'm going to give you a bag to put over her to collect her urine."

"She hasn't peed or pooped in a day..."

"Then I'll give her a little bit of my special juice. It'll make her use the bathroom."

"Okay... Can I have the bag?"

"Certainly." Doctor him hand mama a diapy and something weird.

Dada lift up my dressy and lay me down on the bed. "Gimme the diaper, babe."

"Wait, I don't know how to put this bag on her..."

Doctor him comes over to the bed with somethin sharp. The sharp thing for me?

"Let me just collect some of her blood. I'll help you apply the bag in a moment." Doctor him say.

Dada sit me up and mama sit in front of me. What goin on...

Mama make her hands weird and her move them. Mama so funny. Her smart too. How her make her hands into a butterfly? Her so funny.

Mama make her hand crawly now. It a spider! Get it dada!

"Ooooh! Sofia... The spider's comin..." Mama laugh and make the spider tickle my leg. Get it dada!

"Kill the spider, Sofia! Kill him!" Dada plays with us. Mama is just so smart. How her know her hands can be butterflies and spiders? I smack mama hand.

"No, Sofia! He's still alive! Get the spider!" Dada laughs and plays. Mama and dada are so funny. They make me forget I no good feel.

Outta nowhere... Doctor him stab me on my arm. Owwie... "Eheh... Eheh... Eheh... Eheh... Ehhhhhh... EHHHH!" OWWWWWWWIE! What I do to deserve this? I just wanna kill spider... Owwwwie...

Mama kiss my cheek and dada kiss my head. They no understand... Owwie...

Mama gimme my sucky. That make it better. But owie... Why him do that?

"I'll take her blood sample and send it downstairs to the lab." Him put the sharp thing into a bag. "Now the bag..."

Him sit it down and help mama. "There are adhesive strips on the sides of the bag. They'll go right over her vagina. The bag should cover her completely." Doctor him hand mama wipies. "Clean her off real good before applying the bag."

"Thanks." Dada take the wipie and mama take the diapy.

Doctor him walk away, I think cause mama no want him lookin at my no no. What goin on? Why mama gotta do this?

I scared. I want dada. No more stabbin. No more.

* * *

**Joe's Point of View.**

I just sit back and watch as Demi basically bathes Sofia down there. She wipes her front to back and she opens her up to clean each fold. I could never do that. Demi does it like it's nothing to her.

Demi puts the bag over Sofia's private parts when she's finished. I'm glad that doctor stepped away. I'm not sure if I like my daughter being exposed like that.

When Demi's finished, I strap a diaper on Sofia like it's nothing and pick her up. Demi cleans up the area.

The doctor hands me a cup with Sofia's name on it. "As soon as she urinates into the bag, pour the sample into this cup. I'll be back momentarily. I'm going to prep the CT and MRI machines."

"Okay..." I agree. I hold Sofia on my lap and kiss her head. She's so precious. She never did anything to anybody... Why her?

Demi sits back down in front of us. "...What are we gonna do, Joe?"

"...We wait." I say to her.

"..And if she doesn't make it?"

"She WILL make it."

"What if she doesn't?!"

"Then I still have you and you still have me." And I really mean that. I need Demi right now. I need her. I'll need her even more if Sofia doesn't pull through this.

"...I love you, Joe..."

"Love you too, Dem." I hold her hand and kiss her fingers. I look around this room. It has a TV next to the bed and a mini fridge in a corner. "Guess this is our new home for a few months..."

"Guess so." Demi sighs. "But we'll make the most of it." She leans in and kisses Sofia's feet.

"We gonna go home later on? To grab some bags for her? Some toys and clothes?" I ask.

"Yeah..." She sighs. "When she's asleep. I don't want her to miss us."

"Okay babe." I look down at Sofia. "Just wait until the press gets a load of this..."

"I swear to god I'll flip completely out if anyone says anything bad about this. I really might go to jail. I swear I might kill someone."

"Who would say anything bad about a nine month old baby with cancer?"

"The same assholes that call her ugly and a bitch on twitter and stuff. I really be ready to slap somebody."

"Nobody better... They better not."

"That's what I'm saying. I'll really snap out. Like she's a baby, she doesn't need this shit. I don't want anybody to know, honestly."

"...I should call my mom..."

"Yeah, and I should call mine."

I pull out my phone. Sofia plays with the hairs on my legs. She sucks her pacifier and smacks them and pulls them.

"Yeah, Joe... Any word on Sofia?" My mom answers right away. She sounds like she was waiting for this call.

"A lot of word on Sofia..." I sigh. I don't want to cry for the sake of Demi. I don't want to.

"Well? What's wrong with her?! Is she okay?!"

"No, ma... We took her to the clinic. Doctor said he can't help us at the clinic. So he referred us to a doctor in CHLA. We're at CHLA now, and this doctor seems to think it's something called Neuroblastoma."

"That doesn't sound too bad! Do you know what's causing it?"

"Mom, it is bad. No, the doctor didn't tell us anything about what causes it. He's running tests on her now."

"What's so bad about it?"

"Neuroblastoma is cancer, mom. It's cancer..."

"Oh my god..." She exclaims. I glance over at Demi. She's crying while talking on the phone.

I'm about to cry too. It just hits me.

Sofia might have cancer...

Now what do we do?

I don't want her to be taken away from me. I do everything for her... Don't let me lose her to this...

Please don't have cancer...

I lean up and kiss her on her head. She's beautiful and so happy and energetic in this moment. She's our baby.

I can't imagine her being taken away from us.


	19. Have To Go Home

**Demi's Point of View**.

"Are you ready to go home?" Joe asks me in a voice that is just above a slight whisper.

I try to focus and pull myself out of the trance that I'm in while staring at Sofia. She's asleep on my chest, the most at peace I've seen her all day. "Huh?"

"Home... We have to go home. To grab some stuff... Remember? Are you ready to go home?" Joe tries again.

"I'm not going..." I say. I use my two fingers and trace Sofia's pacifier. It bobs weakly against my fingers. I knot my fingers through her soft, silky dark brown hair. It's hard to imagine that once she starts chemo, it won't be there anymore.

"You have to come with me, Demi. We're gonna come back... We're gonna take a shower, eat something, pack a few of her things and we will be back..." Joe rubs my back. He's been gentle with me all day. I guess he realizes how unstable I am right now.

Dr. Feldman came into the room with the results two hours ago, and he was correct. Sofia does have neuroblast-whatever. Frankly, I don't give a fuck what it's called. All I know is that it's cancer, and it chose my baby.

About an hour ago, Dr. Feldman came back and told us that it's in stage three. I guess I'm happy that it isn't in stage four, but COME ON. Stage three?! How could we have missed the signs...

"Come on, Demi..." Joe tries to coax me up from the bed. "We'll be back..." There's nothing that Joe can say to me that will make me put her down. Nothing at all.

"Come on, Demi. She's safe here for an hour... Hour and a half... Come on..."

I know she's safe... I just don't want her to think we abandoned her. I shake my head at him and continue to stare down at her. She's so peaceful. Her head is nestled between my boobs and her hands are on my stomach.

"Come on, Demi. You have to eat something... We'll be right back..."

"Okay..." I whisper. Reluctantly, I stand up, careful to keep Sofia at ease. I lie her down in the tiny cradle-bed and make sure the covers are over her. I push the "call" button on the remote in her bed.

With the quickness, one of Sofia's nurses rush in. She's an older woman, but she isn't an elder. She seems to be about my mom's age. She has strawberry blonde hair and green eyes. "What can I help you with?"

"We're about to go home for a little while... We'll be back though. Will you watch her?" I ask.

"Sure thing. Did Bailey give you a copy of the schedule?" She walks over to Sofia and checks on her machines.

"...Who's Bailey?" Joe asks. I'm glad he asks, because I don't know who that is either.

"Bailey... Sofia's morning nurse... Bailey Nelson... Dr. Nelson." She explains.

"Oh... Okay. No... She didn't..." I say. I didn't know the younger blonde nurse that took care of Sofia's name was Dr. Nelson.

"Okay, then let me get you a copy before you decide to leave." She walks over to another part of the room.

The room they moved us to is very nice. It's large with a full sized bed in one corner and towards the door is Sofia's crib-like bed. We have our own bathroom and a bigger refrigerator. There's a decent-sized flat screen TV on the wall with a built in DVD player. The room has pink walls with purple polkadots on them, and the floor is made of a pink and purple tile pattern. I think we're in such a nice room, because Sofia is going to be living here until she's well enough to spend nights at home.

The strawberry blonde doctor comes back over to me and Joe and hands me a yellow folder with Sofia's name written on it. "In here is all you need to know about residential living in the hospital. The schedule is the most important thing. Every morning, we serve breakfast for baby and family from 7-10." She starts explaining the schedule.

Joe puts his hand on the small of my back and rubs. He even kisses the top of my head. Good, because I'm about to cry.

"From 12-2:30 we serve lunch, too. And dinner is from 6-10. You can get snacks from the cafeteria at anytime during the day. 7:00 promptly is bath time for the babies. Nurses will bath babies if parents aren't present. There is an outside park here, where babies may go swimming on a nice day, go swinging, sliding, they can have a good time if they are well enough to go outside and enjoy these things. Now, Dr. Feldman has requested that the nurses keep Sofia indoors for at least three to six weeks..."

"Why? I can't take her outside?" I stop her. I want to know why I can't take my baby outside. She deserves fresh air...

"Not now. You can't take her outside, because... Well I'm sure that by now you realize that she is the youngest cancer patient ever treated here. Dr. Feldman believes that she might even be the youngest patient to be diagnosed with neuroblastoma in the NATION. So we would like to keep her indoors for a while. To... Protect her safety and such."

I shrug. "Okay..."

"Is there a limit to what we can bring?" Joe asks. He's still holding me close to his body.

"Bring anything you believe would make Sofia feel at home. Blankets, teddy bears, clothes, pillows... All that stuff."

"Okay..." I whisper. I can't say anything other than "okay" anymore. I don't have a choice but to be okay...

I walk over to Sofia and rub her cheeks. "We'll be right back, mamas. We'll be right back..." I press my lips to her pacifier.

Joe kisses Sofia's temple. "See you in a little while, sweetie..."

Very, very reluctantly, we leave the room. She's sleeping, so as long as me and Joe can make it back before she wakes up, we'll be okay.

* * *

**Sofia's Point of View**.

"Sofia... Hi Sofia." A voice says to me. The same voice that been talkin to me. Who Saffia?

"Why won't she open her eyes?" Nother voice say. Same voice that talked to me too. The ugly voice.

"I don't know..." The soft voice say and touch my something. Something touch my face. Make a funny noise. What this?

I move my face and I can look at stuff. There a red face with brown stuff and water on it lookin at me. White things are in the face. White things and brown roundy things. What is this?

"She's so perfect..." Soft voice say. Oh! This is voice! Hi voice! Voice look pretty! Hi voice!

"She is gorgeous..." Hard voice say. Ugly voice. Ugly voice not ugly! Ugly voice... Ugly voice nice...

"Hi my Sofia...I'm your mommy... I'm your mommy..." Soft voice say again. Mommy... Sound good. Soft voice mommy.

"And I'm daddy..." Hard voice touch my face with his face. Make a weird noise. Hard voice daddy...

Who Saffia?

Mommy voice wipe the brown stuff off her face. Mommy voice face still red and watery. Mommy voice has a lot of brown stuff on her head.

Daddy voice touch my face again.

"Stop giving her so many kisses..." Mommy voice say.

"I can't help it..." Daddy voice say.

These people nice. Do I get to keep them?

"All that pain was so worth it..." Mommy voice say again.

I open up my eyes. I hungry... Where mama? Where dada?

I look round the room. No mama... No dada... Where they at? They leave me? Why?

I sit up in the bed. I look again. "Muhhh muhh..." Where them go? "Dah dah?" Why them not here...

Where my mama and dada? "Mmmmm... Ehhhh hehhhhh! Ehhhhhhh! EHHHHHEHHHH!" Why them leave me? Why them not here? "Ahhhhhhhehhh..." Someone help me find them... Them lost...

Some weird girl come in. Not my mama. Get out here.

The weird girl walk to me. "What's the matter, Sofia? What's the matter honey? "

"Muhhh muhhhh..." I tell her. Gimme mama and you get out...

"I know... You want your mommy... You want your mommy... She's coming back." Weird girl turn on the TV.

"What do you like to watch? Do you like Dora? Do you like the Backyardagains?"

I sniff a boogie up my nose. ...Dora's okay, girl. Turn on Dora...

The girl turn on Backyardagains. They okay too...

"Is that better, sweetheart?" Girl wipe my eyes. "You're just as cute as you wanna be."

Thank you, girl. "Ahhhma..."

"You're SO cute." Girl sit in a chair next to my bed.

Got any toys? Or a cell phone? I wanna play... I suck on my sucky and grab the mote. I always push the mote when dada watch football. It make him mad.

Girl grab her phone and push on it. Her callin mama?! Tell her get here NOW.

Girl start talkin. "Tiffany... Guess what? You'll NEVER guess who I have as a patient..."

Doesn't sound like her talkin to mama. I yell at mama so bad if her come back. Her and dada should never leaved.

"You know the Jonas Brothers? Yeah... The band Chloe used to be obsessed with... The one's daughter is my patient. Is that cool? She's so cute too. She talks a little bit and she calls for her parents. She's the cutest..."

Where mama and dada this girl is nuts. Lotsa people call me cute...

"I want to steal her so badly. But the parents care a lot about her. Especially the mother. The mom is crazy. I just really hope that she'll be okay. She's so cute and she's so sweet too. I really hope she gets to be cancer free..."

I keep hearin that word! What a canter? What is it?! Is it what make my tummy hurt? Is it what make my eye hurt? What a canter?

Does canter make Dr. Him stab me? Someone tell me what a canter is. Why is I even here? Why can't I go home with mama and dada and the loud doggies? I miss Minnie Mouse. I miss home.

I go home.

I not go home cause of canter?


	20. Each Other

**Sofia's Point of View**.

"You're so sweet..." Girl hold me and rock me in her arms. Her gimme a baba and feed me juicy. I like her.

"Sofia... You're so sweet..." Girl tap on the baba. Her makin me sleepy. Her rock me some more and kiss my head. Why her so nice?

Her pat my bummy. I wonder if her got mama milk. Or does mama milk only come from mama? I push the baba out my mouth and turn my head to her num nums. Does her got mama milk?

"You must've been breastfed, huh?" Her rub my bummy some more. "Did your mommy breastfeed you?" Her take the bubba out my mouth and pat my back. Her must not got mama milk.

"If you were my baby, I'd breastfeed you too. And I'd never put you down. Nope. You'd be the most spoiled baby ever. You're such a cutie..." Her put my head on her shoulder and pat. Her make me wanna burp.

Girl grab my hand and rub my fingers. Her must be a mama too cause her touch like mama. Her act like mama... Her my new mama? I like old mama better but if her new mama I guess her okay.

"Muhh muhh..." I look at her. I no want a new mama... I want old mama... "Muhhhhhh..."

"You want your mama?... She's coming." Girl kiss my cheek. "Your mama doesn't know how lucky she is to have you..."

The door to the room open up and dada come in. DADA! "Dahhhh!"

"Sofia!" Dada put down bags. Him have a lot of bags. What in the bags? Nummy nummies in the bags? I hungry...

Mama walk in too. The real mama. "MUHHHHHHH!"

Mama face look bad. Her red and her eyes mean. Her meanie. Her real meanie. Mama walk over to me and girl and her take me off her. "Why were you holding her? Was she crying?"

"She woke up about ten minutes after you left. She started to cry, so I turned on the TV for her and I gave her juice to drink from a bottle. She's a tad bit hungry, I assume." Girl tell mama.

"Why do you think she hungry?" Mama kissies my lips and hold me. I love my mama.

"She turned her head in towards my breasts. Is she breastfed?" Girl stand up and hand mama my bubba. Girl give mama the blanky I was laying with too.

"Yes, I breastfeed her." Mama put me down on the bed. I think mama want to hit girl but I no think her will. "Sofia, mommy and daddy bought you some things... Looky..." Mama grab stuff out the bags.

"We brought your Minnie Mouse... Looky. There's Minnie... She missed you."

Minnie Mouse! MINNIE! I missed her! I grab my Minnie Mouse. Her smell like home. I put her bow in my mouth. Mama the best. Her bring Minnie... Her good.

"And daddy brought your blanky..." Dada hand me my purple blanky. Dada the best too. "And we brought you some movies to watch..." Dada take out Cinnawella, Pincess and Fog, Booty and Bees and Mickey Mouse.

"You like these movies, pretty? We can watch one while you eat eat..." Mama touch my hair.

Yeah mama. We watch movie. "Eeeehh..."

Mama and dada great. I so glad they my mama and my dada...

**Joe's Point of View.**

Demi grabs a bottle from the bags we packed and she sits with Sofia on the full bed in the corner. I walk over and sit with them too. Demi and I both made sure that we dressed comfortably, because we're gonna sleep here tonight.

"Joe, will you pop a movie in the player? Please?" Demi asks, feeding Sofia a lukewarm bottle of her breastmilk. Sofia is eating hungrily.

I get up off the bed and put Beauty and the Beast in the DVD player. I turn the lights down a little bit in the room and get in the bed with my girls. Sofia eats busily and watches the movie. Demi watches Sofia more than the movie.

I've never been more glad that I didn't divorce Demi. I don't know what I'd do without my girls. And especially because our Sofia is sick. I need Demi now more than ever.

"...Is she asleep?" I ask Demi. Sofia's almost finished with her bottle. It didn't take her long.

"Almost..." Demi keeps staring at her.

I clear my throat. "So I saw the way you were looking at the one nurse... I thought you were gonna kill her."

"I wanted to!" Demi says lightheartedly. It's big for her to be smiley. I haven't seen her smile in two days. "Like don't pick up my baby. Don't hold my baby. Don't rock her to sleep if you're not me."

"You're just extremely possessive." I laugh.

"Can you blame me? She's so pretty..." Demi takes the empty bottle from Sofia and sets it down.

I check the time on my phone. "It's late, babe. You ready to head to sleep?"

"...Sure." She sighs and gets up off the bed. She puts Sofia down into the crib-bed and tucks her in. "I love you baby girl."

I stand up and start getting the full bed ready for me and Demi to lie down. I take off my shoes and my socks and climb in. Demi comes over and takes hers off too. She climbs in next to me.

I turn off the TV. I kiss her cheek and pull her closer to me. "Let's go to sleep baby..."

Demi sighs. I know she's going to cry. "You told me not to cry in front of Sofia..." She whispers to me. "Can I cry now ?"

"...Yeah, baby. We can both cry now..." I hold her closer and let her lie her head on my chest. I rub her back. She holds me too. I'm supposed to be her rock... Why am I about to lose it?

"I just wonder why..." She sniffs. "Why her? She's so innocent... Never did nothing to nobody..."

"I know, baby..." I let a few tears slide out. "I don't understand it either..."

"...Thanks for not filing those papers..." She sniffs.

"Shhhh shhh..." I kiss her lips. "I'll never... I'll never..." I rub her back. "I'll never, baby..."

"I love you, Joe..." She sniffs. "I need you so bad right now..." She sobs into my chest.

"You got me, babe. You got me. We got each other..." I kiss her cheek. "Let's just sleep..."

"I can't..."

I sniff and wipe my own tears. "Baby girl... We have to sleep..."

She holds onto me tight. "I'll try..."

I kiss her forehead. "I love you Demi... I love you."

It feels good to have someone. It feels good to have someone to comfort me while I comfort her back.

After all...

All we've got is each other now.


	21. Strong

**Sofia's Point of View.**

"Good morning, Sofia... Did you sleep okay?" Other girl ask me. This girl have yellow hair. Her not have red hair like the one girl have. They different.

"Your mommy and daddy must've been really sleepy, huh?" Her grab the sides of my diapy and rip them off. I look over at mama and dada. They sleepin.

Girl take off my diapy and wipe my bummy. How her know I poo poo? Mama only know when I poo poo. Only her know. "Mah mah..."

"No, your mama is sleeping. She'll be awake soon, though." Her hold my feetsies up and wipe my bum. My bum stinky. Her put a new diapy on me and throw the old one away.

Mama lift her head from the bed and yawn. "Sofia?" She call my name. I right here mama, don't worry. I right here.

"Say good morning, mommy." Girl make me wave to mama.

"Mumum..." I wave at mama on my own. Mama get up from bed and walk over to us.

"Good morning, my pretty. Did you have a good sleep?" Mama kiss my head and pick me up. "Did you? Mommy didn't sleep good..."

I yawn and lay on mama. I sleeped okay mama. I okay. "Daw daw..." I hold mama hand. Mama so nice to me.

"You want dada? Let's go see dada. Let's wake him up." Mama take me over to the bed and put me down. "Say wake up daddy!"

I crawl over to dada and snack him on hims head. "Daaaah dahhhh!" I snack him on hims forehead. Get up dada! Get up! "Daw daw!" I keep snacking him.

Dada yawn real big and open hims eyes. "Alright, alright. I'm up." Him yawns again. "Hi Sofia. Good morning sweetheart." Dada kiss my cheek.

"Do you mind telling us what's going on for the day?" Mama ask girl. Girl is changing my crib blankies. "Like... What's the plan for today?"

"The plan for today? Well for starters, Dr. Feldman will be here around noon. When he gets here, he's going to prepare Sofia for her first round of chemo. And he's going to fully assess the damage."

"Sofia's gonna start chemo today?" Dada sit up and hold me. Him kissy my cheek a lot and rub my back.

"Yes. And after the chemo, Dr. Feldman will be looking at other alternatives. Like surgery to remove the tumor."

"Alright. Until Dr. Feldman gets here, what do we do?" Dada stand up with me still on his hip. Him keep his lips on my head.

"Well for starters, you could go down to the cafeteria and grab some breakfast. And there's a playroom if Sofia is interested. Or you can come up to the room and watch a little TV. We like to keep our babies happy here."

"We can grab a bite to eat then try the playroom out." Mama say. Her said eat eat. We get nummy nummies.

I still wonder why I no go home. I wanna go home. I wanna see Mimi, Maw Maw, the Gampaw and paw paw.

I go home maybe tomorrow.

**Demi's Point of View**.

Me and Joe take Sofia downstairs to the cafeteria. This is a very nice hospital. It's very kid-friendly. Everything is color coordinated and bright, as if they're trying to disguise the fact that this is in fact a hospital.

Sofia looks around here and there when we get to the cafeteria. It smells good down here. It's kind of crowded though.

Joe and I get in line and grab spoons, forks and knives. "Get a lot of eggs, if they have eggs. So that Sofia can eat them." I tell Joe.

I grab a tray and a plastic plate and step into line. Sofia eyes bug out at all the food. I don't usually give her much table food, but I guess I can spoil her.

I grab a few slices of French toast and drizzle them with syrup. I grab a couple slices of oranges and strawberries. I put a few pieces of bacon on my plate and a small mound of scrambled eggs. I put some Cheerios on my plate too, for Sofia.

I grab a small bottle of orange juice and find a place for us to sit down. I find a place with a high chair and put Sofia in the chair.

Joe sits down in the chair beside me. He has sausage on his plate, waffles, a pancake, donut bites, just a bunch of junk that doesn't really make a good breakfast.

"How many times have a I told you not to fill up on junk, baby?" I take a couple of his donut bites because he has way too many.

"You know I don't eat breakfast as it is..." He leans in and kisses my cheek. "But you've told me a million times."

"I know I've told you a million times. You're gonna be a fat ass by the time you're fifty." I serve Sofia some eggs and Cheerios.

"Will you still love me when I'm fat?" He chuckles and gives Sofia some of his eggs too. He gives her a donut bite also.

"Depends..." I take a bite of my French toast. Damn, this is good.

"Depends on what?" He wipes syrup off my lip with his thumb and licks it.

"Depends on whether or not you can still put it down or not. I can't be with a fatty that doesn't put it down right." I laugh.

"Put what Down?"

"You know what..."

"No I don't know what..."

"The dick, you idiot. If you're fat and can't do me like you did when you're skinny, then I'm not staying with you."

He laughs. "Oh, so the sex is good right now?" He kisses my cheek.

"It used to be. I wouldn't know if it's still good or not. Haven't done anything in like ten years..."

"Maybe we can change that when we go home a little later. If you're up to it." He rubs my back and continues to eat.

"Maybe."

Everyday I'm more and more thankful that we didn't divorce. And it finally feels like things may be back to normal between us.

I don't want to jinx it, though.

**Joe's Point of View**.

Dr. Feldman should be here in about ten minutes, so we have to head back up to the room. I feel bad for taking Sofia away from the playroom though, because she's having so much fun.

"We should head back up to the room, huh?" I ask Demi as we watch Sofia play. Sofia is playing with blocks with another baby about her age. He's a boy and I think his name is Jamie.

Demi lies her head on my shoulder. "Yeah..." She sighs.

I hold her close to me and kiss her cheek. "Are we ready for chemo?"

"Ready as we'll ever be." She looks up at me.

"Yeah... I'm just not ready for her to lose her hair..."

"Don't think about that." She shakes her head at me. "We can't think about that."

"I know, but baby..." I can't believe I'm starting to break down. I'm supposed to be her rock. Not the other way around.

"Let's just go back to the room. We have a little fighter... She's gonna beat this." Demi holds my hand.

"...I love you, D." I sigh.

"Love you too." She walks over and grabs Sofia. "Come on baby girl... We gotta see the doctor now." She picks Sofia up and kisses her cheek.

We go back towards the elevators. We go up to the pink floor.

Sofia jabbers cutely and happily as we ride in the elevator. She's so cute and happy. It's a shame she has to go through this.

I look over at Demi. "We'll make it, right?"

"We'll make it." She nods at me. "We'll make it."

"And if we don't?"

"Then we keep fighting."

I kiss her on her cheek. "We're strong, right?"

"We're strong." She agrees.

"...Ehhh... Twrong." Sofia babbles.

Demi smiles so big. "Yeah, you're strong baby."

I kiss her head. She learned a new word. Couldn't have picked a better word for her to learn.


	22. Can We Try?

**Sofia's Point of View.**

"How long is this gonna last?" Mama talk to Doctor him. Mama worry bout me. I no know why, but Doctor him put me on a bed with straps so I no get up. Mama kissies my cheek and dada rub my feetsies. They love me lots I love them too.

"The first round of chemo is always the longest. It could last hours… up until tomorrow morning. But I'm going to take a different approach to her treatment. I'm not going to start her on radiation therapy until I'm absolutely sure that she needs it." Doctor him grabs lots of sticky things and a sharp thing. The sharp thing is what mama call "cucka." The sharp thing hurt my feetsie.

"…When will she start to lose her hair?" Dada ask doctor him. Sometimes I no understand what dada say. It weird when him talk cause some things I know him say but other things I no know what him mean.

"She won't lose her hair if I don't do the radiation. I'm just going to start her on the IV drips and see how that does her. No radiation just yet. Just IV." Doctor him take the cucka and put it down. What him doing with that? That cucka. Him should put it down.

Mama kissies my head and rub my back. Her watch doctor him and dada stand front of me. "Sofia… Sofia…. Hey pretty girl. Hey pretty… look at daddy." Dada wave hims hand at me. What you want dada? I look at him.

Him make him hand curved and move it. Him make ducky noise. "Quack, quack, quack!"

"Hmm hmm hmm… hmm…" Dada make me laugh. Dada so funny. How him think of that? Him make hims hand to a ducky. How him do that? Him magic.

"Quack, quack, quack!" Dada REAL funny. I keep watching hims hand. Hims hand is a ducky! Him so smart!

Doctor him grab my arm. I look over at him. What him doin?

Him take the cucka and stab me. Why him do that again?! Owie…. Mama…. "Ehhh hehh!...AAAAAAAAH…" My arm burn. Owie. Where mama?! OWIE…. "EHHHEHHHHHH!"

Mama grab my hand and kissy it. "I know, baby girl. I know. But it'll make you feel better. Be strong, remember? Be strong. I know it hurts…. It hurts mommy too." Her kissy my hand again.

Dada leave the room. Where him go? Him no wanna be here? Why? I the one getting stab not him. Why him go? I wanna go home with the loud doggies and the big TV. I wanna see Mimi. When I go home? I no wanna stay here no more. It not fun no more.

"Just be strong baby girl." Mama pick me up and hold me even though her not allowed. Her hold me tight. "Mama and dada are always gonna be here for you. Okay?" Her kiss my lip.

I love you mama. "Mama…" I put my hands on her cheeks and squeeze. Her make a fishy face.

"Love you, Sofia." Fish face mama say to me. I make a fish face back at her so her no look like the only goofball. Mama laugh. "You're so silly, Sofia." Her kiss my fishy lips. I no understand why dada always yell at mama for stuff. Her a good mama. I love her much. "Mommy gotta put you down now. Before the doctor yells at me. He has to start your medicine." Mama put me down on the bed. Her kiss the cucka that still in my arm. It still hurt but not a lot.

Mama leave. I think her go to find dada. Her will be back. Her always come back.

* * *

**Demi's Point of View.**

"Joe?" I look out in the hallway for him. I don't know where he went. He couldn't have gone far though. Something is undeniably wrong with him though, because he just walked out without even telling me where he was going.

"Joe… where did you go?" I look in the lobby of the cancer center. He's not there. Maybe he had to go to the bathroom.

I hold my breath and go straight into the men's restrooms. It's always so gross in the men's room. The urinals on the wall smell so terrible. "Joe?" I quiet my breathing down to listen. I hear soft little sobs coming from one of the stalls. I look underneath the stall and recognize the black and green Nike shoes that are in there. It's him.

"…Baby, open up. It's me… It's Demi…" I tap on the stall softly.

He sniffs and opens up the door. I walk into the stall and approach him. He's sitting on the toilet with his face in his hands, sobbing. I swallow a lump in my throat and rub the back of his head. "Baby… it's okay… it's okay." I hold him close to me. "It's gonna be okay." I kiss the top of his head.

He sniffs and looks up at me. "I'm sorry babe. I just needed a minute. It sucked to see him put that needle in her arm…" He wipes his eyes. "I'm good now."

"…Are you sure?" I grab his hand and help him up off the toilet. I wipe his tears with my own hands. "It's okay to cry, babe."

"Nah, I'm sorry." He shakes his head. "Sorry for leaving you in there to deal with that." He kisses my lips. "I shouldn't have left you to deal with that shit alone."

I stand on my tip toes and kiss his lips. "It's okay, babe. You just needed a minute." I rub his lower back to comfort him.

"…Thanks babe. I love you." He grabs me by my lower back and pulls me closer to him. He rubs my back too and we just comfort each other. "We should head back…" He sighs and loosens his grip on me just a tad.

"…What's the rush? We can spare… a half hour or so…" I start to kiss him again. I know this probably isn't right, considering the fact that we're in a bathroom right now, but when else are we gonna get the chance to do it?

"…Here?" He asks.

"…Why not?" I lock the door to the stall and kiss him some more.

"…Demi."

"What?" I lean against the wall and kiss his neck.

"…You still on birth control?" He finds the button to my jeans and unbuckles them, pulling them down.

"No…" I shake my head. I stopped taking it last month, because I had no reason to. We weren't having sex, so I had no use and no need for birth control anymore. I open my legs to make it easier for him to pull my pants down a little bit.

"…Can we try?" He maneuvers his own pants down and kisses my neck like I was just kissing his. He lifts my legs up a little bit and pulls my underwear over to the side.

"Try what?" I know it's weird, but I just keep thinking about the fact that no other man can come in the bathroom right now. There is only one stall in here and if it's occupied, they have to go somewhere else. That sucks.

"For another baby…" He explains, weaseling himself between my legs. Oh…. Well damn. That's a… wow. Way to be blunt.

"No… not when Sofia is sick…" I kiss his lips to apologize.

"That's the point, babe. That's the whole point… if we… lose her. At least we have another to give our love to…"

"No baby we ever have will take the place of Sofia, Joe." While I'm still talking to him, he goes in. I forgot how big he was. Oh my god. I don't want the first time having sex with him again to be talking about another baby and our already sick baby. Can he just shut up?

"Please?" He starts thrusting, very carefully and slowly. At least if we have another baby… we'll have someone to give our love to…"

"…I don't care…" I moan. "I don't care, I don't care…" He can get me to agree to anything while he's inside me. This isn't fair. I'm not thinking rationally.

"You don't care?" He kisses my neck and keeps thrusting in and out slowly.

"I don't care… mmm… just don't stop…" I grip his back.

I guess I don't mind if we have another baby, as long as he plans to stay with me. I would never have another child with him the way he was talking to me a few weeks ago. I kind of want Sofia to be our only baby for a while. That's what I want. I don't want another baby at the moment. But… he does have a point. I don't think he necessarily wants to replace Sofia. I just think he's trying to mask the horrible reality that we could very well lose her to this. And if we do lose her, I think it might make me feel better to have another baby rather than just have no one to dote on if we did indeed lose her. So maybe a new baby wouldn't be that bad.

"Uh… Uh…. Uh…" I gasp in Joe's ear and moan as he continues to thrust inside of me. It's NOTHING like the sex we used to have, but it's a good start for the first time having sex together again. I wrap my legs around his waist and keep moaning.

On the other aspect, what if we have another baby, and that baby has Neuroblastoma too? What if our newborn baby is sick? I can't deal with losing two babies in two years. I won't deal with losing two babies in two years. Joe doesn't understand. I won't say that I love Sofia more than he does, because we both would take a bullet between the eyes for our Sofia. But I feel a different kind of love for my baby than he does. He didn't have to feel her every day. He didn't have to feel her kick him, or get hiccups inside of him. I did. He doesn't understand the pain I went through to get my baby. And to go through that again with another baby, and have the possibility that that baby end up sick too? I can't deal with that. In no way, shape or form am I prepared to deal with losing two babies.

"Joe, stop…. Stop…" I put my hands on his chest to stop him.

"…Did I hurt you babe?" He stops fucking me fast. He looks at me with sorrowful eyes.

"No… no. It was amazing, baby. It was amazing… but…. I can't have… another baby right now. I just can't do it." I shake my head at him and make him pull out. "I'm not prepared for that…"

"…But, Demi… we're good parents… we can handle two."

"I know…"

"Then why can't we have another baby? I want you to have my baby again…"

"It's not that…. I just… can't." I pull my pants up. Fuck, I didn't want that to end. That felt so good. I haven't had sex in forever. But we don't have protection, and I'm not having another child.

"…Why?"

"Because… I just don't want another… at the moment. I just want to focus on Sofia."

"…Alright babygirl…." He pulls his pants up too.

I feel bad for crushing his dreams like that, but if he were the one that had to get pregnant, he'd understand why I just can't do that to myself right now. There's nothing in this world I would love more than to have another pretty, tiny little baby in my arms. I want a little Joe. A perfect, sweet-smelling, fresh-faced, handsome newborn baby boy. I want a little boy so bad. But there's nothing in this world that could make me want another sick baby. We'll have another baby. But not right now. Not like this. Not while we already have a sick one.

And I'm still not so sure if the sick baby we have is gonna pull through.

She's tiny, how much could her body fight?


	23. Poo Poo and Help Me

**Demi's Point of View.**

This past week has been emotionally and physically exhausting. I'm so drained, it's hard to even explain. Test after test, results after results and needle after needle just sticking my baby. I just want to take her home, where she's comfortable and can play freely with her toys. I'm already so sick of this, and it's only been a week. I don't know how much more I can take.

"Good news!" Dr. Feldman walks in the room holding Sofia's little yellow clipboard. He seems cheerful, but I can't help but be worried.

"What's good news?" I haven't been home in a week. I just can't bring myself to leave my baby here by herself long enough to go home. Joe's been running back and forth, bringing me food and clothes from home, but I just don't leave Sofia. I stroke Sofia's tiny hand with my thumb. She fell asleep holding my hand after they stopped her chemo. Her treatment was very brutal today. She had six needles all stuck into her body at one time. She's a baby, not a fucking pincushion.

"Sofia is doing well enough to take a trip to the park today, if you'd like. I don't recommend staying out there for more than two hours at a time, however. I'm still trying to keep her hidden for my own personal reasons. If you would like to take her to the park, I will block it off for an hour or two so that nobody else is permitted to go."

I stare at Sofia. She has a badly bruised mouth. The cancer spread up into her cheek, so her mouth is pretty sore right now. Her thick dark brown hair rests on her forehead and clusters in thick clumps in her head. She's so gorgeous. Her little body is decorated in pink and purple band aids, from where they removed all her IVs. I bring her little hand up to my mouth and kiss it again. "Thanks Dr. Feldman, but I think I should just keep her in for the day. She's tired. I'll take her out tomorrow, though." I nod and keep focusing on my little baby.

Joe went to grab more diapers, more clothes and more bottles for me. I guess he had to go check on the dogs too. I can't wait for the day I get to take my baby girl home. She's so sweet and innocent. I wonder if she even remembers what home is.

"Alright. I'll close the park off tomorrow then. I'll be back in a little while to check her counts." Dr. Feldman takes Sofia's chart and leaves out of the room, leaving me and Sofia alone.

I should probably call my mom or something. She's probably wondering what's going on. To be honest, these days I don't really know what's going on my damn self. I just listen to what the doctors tell me, never completely sure of what they're talking about. I pick Sofia up and carry her tiny, fragile body over to the full bed where Joe and I have been sleeping. She remains sleeping, stirring whenever I sit down on the bed. I look down at her.

Her little nose is tuned up, as if she smelled something funky and her mouth clicks open. I smile. She's so pretty. I take her pacifier and weasel it into her mouth. She starts sucking on it wildly, but she still stays asleep. I grab my phone and call my mother, because I know she wants to hear from me. I was right. She answers on the third ring.

"Hi Demi.."

"Hey mom… what's up?" I press my lips to Sofia's chubby cheek and rock back and forth with her.

"Nothing here, baby. How's my Sofia?"

"She's doing good today… sleeping right now…tired from her chemo this morning…" I peel one of the band aids off her arm, because it's just too painful for me to look at.

"Aww…. Daddy, me, Dallas and Maddie wanna come see her soon. Like tomorrow, if that's okay." She suggests.

"Yeah, tomorrow is okay." I nod. "I'll make sure they don't schedule any of her chemo until 8:00." I peel another one of Sofia's band aids off. She fusses a little with me, but gets quiet again. "Me and Joe are just gonna feed her tonight then we're just gonna rest. She's had a long day."

"Okay baby. I love you. Give Sofia lots of kisses for me."

"Will do. Bye." I hang up quickly. I don't want to be rude or anything about it, I'm just upset. I don't like to talk about Sofia's condition. It really chokes me up sometimes, and I just can't help but cry. I peel off Sofia's last band aid, and that one makes her wake up. "Ooh… mommy's sorry, pumpkin… I'm sorry." I lift her up and kiss her lips.

She yawns in my face stares at me with her pretty little eyes. "Muhh…" She blinks heavily a few more times then yawns again. It's so cute how she has to get herself together before she's fully awake.

"Yeah, mommy's here." I rub her little back. "Mommy's here. I told you that mommy would never leave you… didn't I?" I kiss her hands and she smiles at me, completely in adoration. "My pretty baby… where's your dada? Huh? Where's dada?"

"…Daw daw!"

I smile. "Yeah, dada!" I really wish she didn't have to go through this. She really doesn't deserve it…

* * *

**Sofia's Point of View.**

Mama kiss my boo boos. Her say them feel better when her kiss them and her right. But why does her keep kissing boo boos that doctor Him gimme? Doctor him should stop.

I look round the room. Still no home. Still here. Still no loud doggies. Where dada though? Him go somewhere again? Him come back soon, mama says.

I no understand why mama let doctor Him hurt me so much. Her love me but her let him stab me with cucka.

I lay on mama and play with her neckliss. Her neckliss is pretty, I want one. I chew on it. It no taste good but it okay. Mama no care I eat eat her neckliss. Her no I like to eat eat everything. Mama kiss my forehead and play with her phone. I want a phone. Mama get me one. Uhhhh…. Oh. My bummy feel funny again. Mama not gonna be happy. Her gonna tell dada change my diapy but I have to go. I no know why this happen sometime. Mama call it "poo poo." Mama poo poo too? I have to think when I poo poo. I close my eyes and lay in mama chest. Poo poo is so hard sometime.

"…Are you shitting? Ewww… Sofia! Why are you shitting on mommy?!" Mama yell but her not mad. Her shut up. I gotta think. Poo poo is hard.

Mama lay me down on the bed and take off my diapy. I not done yet though. Dada walk in the room happy. Hey dada.

"Sofia, are you pooping?" Dada ask me. Him put down my bag and sit by mama.

"Yes. And it stinks. It stinks soooo bad." Mama grab wipies.

"That's gross." Dada hand mama a new diapy. "She hasn't pooped in a few days though, it probably needed to get knocked outta her." Dada spray some stuff in the room. My bummy stinky.

"I can't believe she just shit on me like that. I was cuddling with her and BOOM. She shit." Mama wipe my bummy when I done. This no big deal. Mama wipe my bummy all the time.

"Oh, the joys of parenthood…" Dada throw away my poo poo diapy and mama put a new one on me. "We'll give her a bath later."

"Yeah…" Mama finish changing me and her pick me up. I clean now. poo poo good sometime. Dada poo poo stinky too. Him stink bad. Specially when him fart. Dada nasty.

"So what happened when I left?" Dada hand mama a sammich from suggway. I like suggway. Mama share with me?! Please?!

"The cancer spread to her mouth…" Mama sigh. "I just wish it would be over already."

"I know, babe. I know…" Dada kiss mama head. "But she's alright. We just have to enjoy these moments with her… you know?"

"Yeah…" Mama sigh again. "I just keep thinking that we're gonna lose her. If it doesn't stop spreading…" Mama eat her sammich. I look at it. Mama gimme some! Gimme some!

"Well don't be thinkin like that, babe. Don't do that. She's gonna be fine. We have a brilliant doctor. She's gonna pull through. I know she will." Dada eat hims sammich too.

SOMEONE SHARE WITH ME.

"…Well, on the bright side, Dr. Feldman said that she's well enough to go outside tomorrow. And my mom's gonna come see her… so I guess she's doing good if she can go outside."

"There you go, babe. One step at a time. The really sick kids don't get to go outside. She's okay. She's still happy, bouncy, greedy little Sofia." Dada gimme a piece of chee from hims sammich. I love chee.

"…Yeah that's true." Mama kiss my cheek. "I love you Sofia."

"I love you, baby girl." Dada kiss my cheek.

I love them too. I love mama and dada. They good. They nice. How do I tell thems that my eye hurtin? My eye owwie… my eye hurt… why my eye hurt? Why I no see nothin out my eye no more? Mama, help me…

I no see…

Help me mama.


	24. Forever

**Demi's Point of View.**

"So what's going on? Are you trying to say that she'll never see again?" I can't even cry anymore. I've been crying much too much for my own good. My eyes don't allow me to cry anymore. I look down at Sofia. She's asleep in her little crib-bed with a new lining of white gauze wrapped over her right eye. The cancer is bad on the right side of her body. It hasn't spread to the left side yet.

"It's very likely that she'll be able to see again, she just can't see at the moment. Her right eye will be shut for a while until the swelling goes down in it, but once it opens her vision should be very normal. Tomorrow, I'm going to start her on a very aggressive form of chemo. I won't sugar coat the fact that it is the most painful form of IV chemotherapy." Dr. Feldman looks through Sofia's charts.

Sofia doesn't look like Sofia anymore. She has little spots all over her tiny body from needles and stuff. She looks like a little pincushion. Her right eye is swollen shut and it's purple. She doesn't look like my baby. I want my baby back.

"Can you do the chemo while she's sleeping? So it doesn't hurt her as much?" Joe reaches down and strokes Sofia's hair. They could put her to sleep while they do the chemo, because she's asleep right now under anesthesia. I think the only reason they had to put her to sleep is because they had to give her a shot in her cheek. I didn't watch that, needless to say.

Joe and I have been living at this hospital. I think we're supposed to go home today, but I really don't want to. My mom and my dad were supposed to come visit her today, but I told them not to because of how sick she's recently gotten. It hurts to think about the fact that I should probably pick out a casket. Caskets should never be that small, though.

"We can put her to sleep for the chemo if you wish. That shouldn't be a problem." Dr. Feldman takes a feeding tube out of Sofia's mouth, and Sofia remains sleep. I really don't want to leave her here. But Joe thinks it's a good idea for us to get some time away from the hospital. He's probably right.

"Mommy and daddy will be right back, Sofia. I love you, pumpkin butt." I lean down and give her a kiss on her cheek. She stays asleep. She doesn't look like my Sofia anymore, but she's my baby and she's still gorgeous.

Joe leans down and kisses her forehead. "Love you baby girl. Don't miss us too much." I can tell by the tone of Joe's voice that he's going to cry. I feel like he's comforted me enough for one day. I walk over and put my arm around his waist.

"Come on, baby. Let's go home." I kiss his cheek and rub his lower back. He looks down at me with a miserable expression and nods.

"We'll go home. Take a shower… eat something…" He rubs my back. I'm still so glad to have Joe. Remembering the fact that he wanted to divorce me seems like a distant memory now. He's been my rock throughout this. I think I've been his rock too. It always feels good to have someone to lean on.

We both give Sofia more kisses and we leave the room. It seems surreal to walk out of this hospital without my baby. I just feel like a part of my heart is missing. It doesn't seem natural to leave without her. It just doesn't seem right to me.

Joe holds my hand as we exit the hospital. I'm not ready to go home. I haven't been home in a long time though. I feel like Joe and I shouldn't even have to pay bills anymore, because it doesn't feel like we live at home anymore. We should start paying the hospital rent instead of our mortgage.

I climb into the car and sigh. I sneak a peek into the backseat, secretly hoping that a bouncy little baby girl will be in the car seat, like she should be. Not surprisingly, the car seat is empty. Nothing but the pink and yellow interior of the seat and the green buckles. No baby. My heart sinks down into my stomach. "…The car seat shouldn't be empty."

Joe reaches over and holds my hand. "It shouldn't be, but it is. It won't be empty for long…" He kisses my hand and pulls out of the parking garage.

"…Do you think we should pick out a… a casket?" I can't help but ask him. I just really need to know what he thinks of that. It's been bothering me all damn day.

"…Demi, don't say that. Don't ever say that. Ever. We're not going to bury Sofia. Sofia is going to bury us, and that's the way it's gonna be." He drives the car a little fast, almost as if he's hurrying to get home.

"Okay…" I force the thought out of my head. "I just don't want to think about doctors or sick babies. Just for a few hours." I run my hand through my hair. I'm so stressed out.

"Okay baby. We'll just have Joe and Demi time."

Tears sting the corner of my eyes. "…You know what really sucks?"

"What sucks, babe?" He gets on the road that leads us back to our house.

"…Hanna and Ivy haven't even texted me to see if I was okay…" I sniff and wipe my eyes. "…I guess I can't get mad. They don't even know that Sofia's sick. But they still should text me, right? We haven't spoken in almost a month…"

"Babe, you haven't done… any of the bad stuff since you stopped talking to them either. Maybe this was best… you're sober all the time. You're a really good mommy to Sofia… you don't need them, Demi. We're gonna make this work. And you don't need them to help you make it work. You're better without them. No alcohol, no drugs. You're you. You're the Demi I fell in love with without them."

"…Thanks." I wipe my tears again. "…Do you think it's time to tell?"

"Tell what?" He pulls into the garage of our beautiful house.

"…The world. About Sofia…"

He sighs. "…I don't know, Demi. I mean… maybe we should. People are bound to find out anyway. And it'd be better if they found out from us than from some random paparazzi. So maybe we should tell…"

"Should we just post tweets about it?"

"Tweets would probably be the best way to go…" We both get out of the car and Joe shuts the garage. He uses his house key and unlocks the door. I can't believe I'm home. I can't believe I'm finally back here.

"…Home sweet home." I mumble and look around. Our house is beautiful, but it doesn't feel right without Sofia. I walk into the kitchen and touch her high chair. She should be in it. She should be eating strawberries, apple and banana flavored baby food. She should be eating her cheese balls. She shouldn't be in a hospital, miserable. I walk into the pantry and open the cupboards. I grab all the containers of baby food that are in there. I grab the bag of cheese balls too.

"What are you doing?" Joe asks.

"Packing. She shouldn't have to eat hospital food all the time." I throw the packs of baby food and cheese balls into a plastic shopping bag. I put some of Sofia's yogurt melts in the bag too. I can't wait to give all this to her.

"…Come get in the shower babe. We can pack a little later. Let's take a bath and get ourselves together before we get stuff for Sofia together." He holds me around my waist and kisses my cheek.

"…You ever think of how much and how fast our lives changed, Joe?"

"All the time." He grabs my hand and leads me up the steps.

"…One week, you hated me. Wanted to divorce me. Left me to go stay with my parents. Then the next week, Sofia got sick and… we love each other again…" I sit down on our bed and cross my legs.

"That's because Sofia's sickness made me realize what's important in my life. It made me grow up and realize how much I love you, babe." He holds my hands and pushes me down slowly on the bed before he lays on top and hovers over me.

"…It made me grow up too." I look up into his eyes and he leans down and kisses me. "I realize that the drugs aren't worth missing out on my baby's life."

"…I'm proud of you, babe." He kisses me again. "And I'm sorry."

"Sorry for what?" I kiss him back and put my hands on the back of his neck.

"Sorry that I turned my back on you. Instead of helping you."

"…I'm sorry too. For putting you and Sofia through all of this." I kiss him some more. I love him so much.

"Don't…. worry about that baby." He puts his hands on my waist and starts pulling my pants off my body.

"…No." I stop him. "I don't want to… I don't want to." I put my hands on his hands and hold them back from touching me. "You know why I can't…"

"Don't worry about that, babe. I won't get you pregnant. I promise…" He calms me down and kisses me once more.

"How can you promise that?"

"I'll pull out. And if you still get pregnant… then God meant for it to be."

"…No, Joe."

"Just don't worry about it…" He kisses me on my neck and takes my pants off. "I'll pull out." He kisses my neck some more. I let him go. My pants end up on the floor as well as my shirt and his own pants. He's my husband… I can have sex with my husband. But I hope to god I don't get pregnant again. I just don't want another baby. Not with Sofia so sick.

"I love you." He whispers in my ear before he reaches down and guides himself inside of my body. It takes my body a while to get used to him, but I'm fine. It's keeping my mind of the hospital for a moment.

I close my eyes and enjoy it.

And we make love for a whole two hours.

* * *

**Sofia's Point of View.**

"Sofia, did you miss us? You miss us pumpkin?" Mama and dada sit down with me on the bed. Yeah I missed them. Them leaved me again with the doctors and took too long to come back. Mama and Dada never leave me again. I no feel good right now. Mama kissy my cheek and put me on her legs. Mama got a bag. What in the bag?

"We missed you, baby. We missed you so much. We got yummies for you, baby girl." Mama open the bag. Mama got nummy nummies. I hungy. Dada kiss the owie on my eye and rub my back. I no know why doctor Him putted a band aid on my eye but mama said I got a owie on my eye. My eye no hurt bad. My eye feel okay.

Mama open up nummy nummies and grab a spoon.

Mama and dada seem so sad. I wonder why. Them never tell me why them sad, but I think it cause I in the doctor place all the time. I sick. Mama and dada know I sick. But when I sick I okay in a few days. Maybe I not gonna be okay. Maybe that why mama and dada so sad.

Mama gimme some nummy nummies. I eat it up cause I was hungy. Mmmm. Mama the best. Her know this my favorite. Dada wipe my mouth off.

I don't think I gonna be okay anymore. Sometimes, when I go night night, I don't think I gonna wake up. I can't night night forever, but what happens when I do night night forever? I never see mama and dada again 'cept in my night nights? I don't want to night night forever but sometimes I feel like I got to.

My eye hurt sometimes and my arm does too, so I think night night forever is a good thing. I think if I night night forever mama and dada be sad. But I wake up sometime. I no like night night no more. I no like night night cause what if I go night night and not see mama and dada no more?

"Mmmm. Is that yummy baby girl?" Mama wipe nummy nummy off my chin. "I love you baby girl. Mama loves you." Her kiss my head.

"Double kisses for Sofia, ready?!" Dada take the nummy off mama and sit down next to me. Mama kiss my cheek and dada kiss the other cheek. It's a mama and dada sammich. I missed double kissies. Mama take a picture with her talkie of us and double kissies.

"This is the picture I'll post..." Her tell Dada. Dada nod and tickle my toes.

I laugh. Mama and dada the best. I miss them if I go night night forever. But I feel like night night forever is gonna happen.

I no want it to happen though.


	25. Beautiful

**Sofia's Point of View.**

I think it Kissmiss time yesterday, cause dada bringed me a baggy full of new toys. I got crayons to color with, a Barbie doll and a new sucky. Dada the best for that. I think dada tryin to make me feel better with toys but it not workin. I feel bad today again. Doctor him say to mommy that I gonna get a sugary. I don't know what a sugary is but it sound like no fun. Mama and dada not sad no more too much. Them smile a lot now. I think it almost time to go home cause I been in here for a long time. I no feel like night night forever except for sometimes.

"Good morning, Sofia. Good morning." Girl come in with stuff. Her always come in with stuff in the morning. Her poke me and stab me a lot but it no hurt no more cause I used to it. Her sing me songs while her stab me cause it funner that way. Mama like to kissy my cheek while her stab me but that not necessary. Mama is very tamatic. Dada tells her to stop being so tamatic sometimes. Dada say we no need mama to be tamatic unless her acting.

Girl grab a stabby and clean off my arm like her usually do. Mama and dada still sleepy in the bed. Them two sleepy heads. Girl stab me and leave the stabby in for a while. Girl think I'm pretty. Her talk about it all the time. I think girl wants to be mama sometime. But mama my mama. I a little hungry. Girl usually feed me after her stabby me.

Mama wake up fast while girl still here. Mama never leave me lone with girl for too long. Her no like to do that I don't think. Girl grab my hand and put the stabby in my finger. I no understand why her have to stab my arm then stab my finger. It make no sense.

"She didn't even cry… I didn't hear her cry." Mama come over to my bed and pick me up, even though her not allowed when girl is with me. "You're such a big girl, pumpkin. You're such a big girl." Mama pat my diapy. My diapy a little stinky right now mama don't do that. "I'm proud of you." Her kiss my cheek and put my stabby finger in her mouth. Mama always do that when I get red stuff comin out of my stabby finger. Her make the red stuff stop.

"You know what today is, pumpkin butt?" Mama hold me in the air and make me look down at her. No mama. What today is? "Today marks three weeks since we been in the hospital." Whatever that mean. Mama bring me back down to her hip. I guess I should tell her that I pooed.

"Oh, Sofia. You stink, pumpkin. You stink bad." Yeah. I stinky mama. Real stinky. I pooed a lot.

"Oh, yeah. Miss Demi, I had to change her twice last night. She pooped pretty good twice last night, and she hasn't had that real bad fever since she went. It's normal for the kind of chemotherapy she's on to keep her backed up for a while." Girl hand mama a clean diapy and lots of wipies.

"Thank you…" Mama hold me away from her like I nasty. "I'm gonna give her a bath if that's alright. Our families are coming to visit today and I don't want her to be all dirty." Mama take me in the bathroom. I no want a bath mama. Just change my bum.

Mama start the water of the sink. No bathy mama. No! "EHHHH!" I kick mama in her belly. Her stop. I no want to get a bath. No bath. I wanna play.

"Sofia, I'm gonna smack you if you don't stop. You stink." Her lay me down on the table and take my diapy off. Her use a wipy and wipe my bummy off. Mama no listen. No bathy.

Dada walk in the bathroom. "Sofia, is that you smelling like that?" Him stand by mama and lean down to kiss me. Shut up dada. You stink too. "Good morning baby girl." Dada yawn. Hims breath stinky. "I got your nose, fia. I got it." Dada grab my nose. STOP! DON'T TAKE MY NOSE DADDY.

I push hims hand away and make a meanie face at him. Mama and dada really make me mad today.

"She's grouchy, what did you do to her, Demi?"

"She's getting her ass washed and she doesn't want to." Mama put me in the sink. Ugh.

* * *

**Demi's Point of View.**

"So, I was talking to the doctor about her surgery last night." I wash Sofia's hair first, before I wash anything else. "And he said that basically, he's gonna go and cut the source of the cancer out. And continue on the chemo she's on, because it's doing good with stopping the spread. I asked him for a like… a percent that she'll be okay. He said it's a 70% chance that she'll be okay for the next month." I start washing Sofia's butt. Joe massages conditioner into her hair.

"Just for the month? What about all around? And how dangerous is it gonna be for him to cut it all out?"

"Well, he said it's a gland that he has to cut out, because the cancer started in this gland above her right kidney. He said that he operates on the adrenals almost every day, so it's a routine procedure." I rinse Sofia off and get the conditioner out of her hair. "He also said that once the adrenal gland is out, her chance of survival will be in the eighties, percent wise. So she's gonna go get the gland out tomorrow morning, and he's gonna continue with the chemo. He said he might change the chemo though. He said he might make it so that it's a little bit stronger, but that'd mean she'd lose a bit of her hair."

"…Really? Damn." He grabs a towel and pulls Sofia from the water when she's finished. "Well on Thursday, do you think she'll want to go outside and watch the fireworks? The one nurse was telling me that they put on a firework show for the kids outside in the park area on the fourth." He kisses Sofia's cheek and walks with her back into the main room.

"…Yeah. We can do that. And maybe we can go buy her some of those poppers that she can throw on the ground. I just don't want her to miss out, you know?" I go to her bag of clothes and rummage through it for a onesie to put on her. "Dr. Feldman told me that this big medical magazine called him and asked him to interview us for $6,000. Said that we could probably make a lot more than that if Dr. Feldman admitted that she's the youngest patient EVER to be diagnosed with neuroblast-whatever." I hand Joe a clean diaper and a purple onesie.

He lies Sofia down and dries her body off. "Okay. But…. I don't really think it's right to do that. For money. No interviews…" He puts Sofia's diaper on. "I mean, yeah she's a baby. But that's just the point. She's a BABY."

"I know. I told Dr. Feldman no interviews. But if we ever did get money, I'd definitely donate it. I wouldn't keep it." I pop Sofia's pacifier in my mouth to clean it off. "People on twitter are expecting us to say something, according to my mom. Apparently, posting that picture wasn't enough. But I just don't know what people expect me to say. She's my baby… I'm just so stressed out right now."

"Why are you stressed, baby? Sofia's doing good. She hasn't had any black outs, her cell counts are normal and the cancer hasn't spread recently. Why are you stressed? You should be thanking god right now…" He picks Sofia up when she's all dressed and sits down on the bed with him.

I'm stressed out for one reason in particular. I can't tell him why, though. It'll make him all excited, and I'm not even excited about it. I'm just worried and slightly pissed off. I grab Sofia off him and hold her against my chest. She sucks on her pacifier and lies contently on my chest. "It's a lot more than that, Joe."

"Then what is it, babe? What's stressing you out? Besides the fact that we live in a hospital at the moment." He wraps his arms around both me and Sofia. "I'm not that stressed out right now, babe. I'm pretty good. Sofia's doing a lot better. I'm with the love of my life. I don't want for anything besides my baby's health to be better." He kisses my cheek.

"…I don't know, Joe." I should probably tell him anyway. It really doesn't mean anything. It COULD mean something. I'll tell him anyway. He's my husband…. "…I kind of skipped my period. I haven't gotten it at all this month. It's not even late. It's just not here. And I've been feeling a little sick. But I'm too scared to take a pregnancy test." I confide in him.

His face LIGHTS up. He's so happy. "What? Why didn't you tell me? You're pregnant? Baby… you're pregnant?" He smuggles his hand under Sofia's chubby body to feel my stomach.

"I'm not pregnant, Joe." I move his hand off me. "I mean… I don't know if I am for sure. It's just a thought. Anything can stop my period. STRESS can stop my period. And I could just be getting sick. I don't know if I'm pregnant."

"…Demi, if you are… this…" He smiles so wide. "This is meant to be. This baby… is meant to be. Just imagine… another little baby… our little baby. Take a pregnancy test.. please?"

"I'm not pregnant, Joe. I know that I'm not. When I got pregnant with Sofia, I just knew. Like… I felt it. Literally. The week after I got pregnant with her, I felt it. I knew I was pregnant. I don't feel pregnant. Don't get your hopes up. It's just a thought, like I said. It's honestly probably nothing. Please don't get your hopes all up."

"Why are you acting like you don't want to be pregnant… Don't you want another baby?"

"Eventually. Not now. I don't want two kids before I'm twenty… and not to mention, my pregnancy with Sofia wasn't exactly a joyful one. I thought I made it clear that I didn't want another baby…"

"…Can I tell you something?" He kisses my cheek, buttering me up. Sofia resigned to playing with my necklace. She's so cute. I wouldn't mind having another one of her. Just a healthier one. But Sofia's our little princess right now. I don't need another princess or a prince.

"What, Joe?" I rub Sofia's back. They say that cancer takes your appetite away sometimes, but you can't tell that Sofia's missed even an ounce of a meal. She's chunky. Very chunky. Her little legs are almost as thick as my arms.

"That day when we went home and fucked…" He kisses my cheek again. "I kind of… nut deep… on purpose."

"….You did what? YOU WERE TRYING?! JOE." I push him away from me. "What the FUCK is your problem? If I'm pregnant, Joe I swear to fucking… WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT?"

"Watch your mouth in front of Sofia." He smirks. "I'm sorry. I just… really want another baby, Demi."

"Stop talking. Stop talking before I choke you." I warn him. He did this on purpose? I BETTER not be pregnant. I will really kill him. "You knew! You knew I didn't want another baby right now…you promised!"

"…I know." He takes Sofia off me and rubs her back like I just was. She looks really sleepy. "I'm sorry. I wasn't thinking. It was really spur of the moment, it was. I was just thinking about how nice it'd be to have another. And I just didn't pull out. I felt bad immediately afterwards… I did…"

"Not bad enough, you faggot." I punch him hard in his arm.

"Ow… Demi… don't be mad…" He kisses my cheek again. "Please don't be mad baby girl. I love you."

"…You're lucky I don't think I'm pregnant. You're so lucky. I fucking hate you…"

Sofia yawns in his arm and whispers with her little baby voice. "Fuckfuck."

"DEMI! I TOLD YOU TO WATCH YOUR MOUTH!"

I can't help but laugh. She said fuck… "No, Sofia. That's a bad word… that's a bad world honey."

"Don't ever say that again, Sofia. That's bad. That's a dirty word. That's cucka." Joe taps her in her mouth softly. Sofia gets the picture. She nestles her head in Joe's chest and closes her eyes. Her right eye looks a lot better. It's not as swollen, but underneath is still just a little bit bruised.

"…Will you take a pregnancy test for me though? Please?" Joe gets up and puts Sofia down in her crib-bed. He sits back down beside me and holds my hand.

"…Whatever. Don't pull no shit like that again. Or I swear to fucking god I will cut your balls off. And then I'll wear them. As earrings."

He starts laughing. "Okay, Damn."

"Don't fucking laugh. I'm not joking." I sigh. "I might as well get on twitter. See what people are saying today…" I open up the twitter app on my phone and check my mentions. Joe scoots closer so that he can see too. I don't see anyone saying anything rude, so that's a plus. I scroll down past the "Stay Strongs" and the "Pray for Sofia's." I'm really glad that my fans are so supportive.

"Hey, look babe. This one has an address. Of where they can send things to Sofia." He points to a tweet. I read it with my eyes at first. "DEMI LOOK WHAT LOVATICS AND JONATICS HAVE CREATED FOR YOU!" It says. I click on it. It's something called a TwitLonger. I click the link left in the actual tweet and read what comes up on the blue screen.

"Bows for Sofia. For baby Sofia's entire recovery, all supporters of the Lovato-Jonas family have decided to wear Gold bows on any article of clothing. As you all know, Gold is the color awareness ribbon for Childhood Cancers including Neuroblastoma. Please visit (Sofia with three As) to purchase your gold ribbon today. If you are interested in sending gifts to Sofia, you can send them to…" I don't even read the address through the tears in my eyes. People really support my baby.

"…We have to thank them." Joe reaches underneath the bed and into his laptop bag. He opens up the internet and pulls up the website. It's a beautiful golden color with a picture of Sofia as the header. It has the website name written across the top in purple letters. I'm so honored. On the front page are hundreds of pictures of everyone who's wearing their gold ribbons. Across the top, under the website name, it says: All proceeds from ribbons sold go to the Lovato-Jonas family. I can't stop crying.

Oh my goodness. On the sidebar, there are links to buy your "bows". If they're any fan of me and Joe's, they know that Sofia has a sick obsession with bows. Especially Minnie Mouse's bow. I click on the link to buy a bow. I'll buy one for her. I can see through the pictures that the most common bow type is worn in the hair by girls, and a few males have them pinned on their shirts.

On the very top of the bows page, there is a "limited addition" bow. Oh my god! I have to buy it for Sofia. Oh my god. It's a little gold hairbow with white and gold polkadots. It looks like Minnie Mouse's bow. "JOE LOOK!" I squeal through my tears. The bows are actually really cheap. I have to find out who is behind this whole concept. I have to. This is beautiful. Our fans are such beautiful people.

Joe's crying too. "…We can't keep this money, Demi. We have to… give back…. Or something." He sniffs. "This is amazing." He clicks on the gold Minnie Mouse bow. Apparently, the bow is called "Sofia's favorite." I can't help but keep crying. I'm so touched. Deeply.

"…It's only $5.99. I'll buy it for her…" I say right away. The other bows are all $2.00. I just can't deal with this.

I have a new sense of hope.

It's amazing that strangers can do that for me.

I have to thank them.

I HAVE to.


	26. Bad Mama

**Demi's Point of View.**

"Come on, come on…" I impatiently tap my fingers on the sink of me and Joe's bathroom. Three minutes feel like three years when waiting for something like this. I put the toilet seat down and take a seat. I put my hands over my face and run my fingers through my hair. I can't wait to get back to the hospital. It bugs me not knowing what Sofia's doing. Or not knowing what people are doing to Sofia.

The timer on my phone rings loudly, and I scoop it up to quiet it down. I shut the timer off and pick up the urine-christened stick. I both anxiously and nervously look into the little box on the left side of it to check the results. It's the same kind of test I took when I found out I was pregnant with Sofia. It's really simple to read. Either it's a smiley face or a frowny face. The face is very clear in the box.

"Whatever." I mumble and throw it away. I really don't care about the results of the test. I just need to focus on Sofia. It's a good thing I didn't tell Joe what I was doing. It's just a pregnancy test. I wash my hands at the sink and look at myself in the mirror. I look like I haven't slept in ten years. The purplish bags under my eyes are menacing my face, and my big brown eyes are low, like I'm high or something.

I really wish I could get high. It would sure help me out to smoke something, even if it's only weed. I just need something to take the edge off my mood. I find that I'm not going through withdrawal symptoms at all. I think it's because my mind is occupied with a thousand other things. I was supposed to go back to the hospital for a check-up after my overdose, but I haven't been able to do that either. I've been slacking on my own health, focusing on Sofia's. I don't exactly care, though. I'd rather be unhealthy than Sofia. I'd switch places with my baby in a heartbeat.

I shut the water off on the sink and smooth my long brown hair back. I just need a long moment to myself to relax. Just as I'm about to leave, a harsh knock sounds on the door. I know it's Joe, because we're the only two home. "Hey, I'm coming in babe…" He turns the knob and walks right in.

I didn't lock the door? Damn, I swear I locked it. "What?" I turn my head real fast. I don't want him to know that I was taking a pregnancy test. I want him to focus on Sofia too.

"…Happy 4th, baby." He hands me a large bouquet of Daisies, all spray painted red white and blue. Daisies are my favorite flowers. Well, after all we've been through, I'm glad Joe still knows how to make me smile.

"Thank you." I smile and sniff the flowers. I stand on my tiptoes and give him a kiss on his lips. He puts his arms around my waist and smiles through the kiss, which makes me smile too. "I love you…"

"I love you too." He strokes my hair and looks at me as if I'm the light in his world. It's been a while since Joe, or anyone, has looked at me like this. "My mom invited us over for a cookout today… if you wanna go.

"…I'd love to go. You know I'd love to go. But I'd rather spend the fourth with Sofia, if you don't mind…" I sigh. I'd love to go chill out with Joe's family. I would love it. But I want to be with my baby. We'll watch fireworks together from her hospital window if she's not allowed outside. I just wanna be with Sofia.

"I understand baby. I already told my mom that we probably weren't gonna come. I think we should just be with Sofia today too. I bought her some new toys. We can play with those tonight and just have fun. No thinking about cancer today, okay? It's a holiday." He puts both his hands on my face and kisses my lips.

"…No thinking about cancer today." I agree. I take Joe's hands off my face and walk away. "So what'd you buy her? I wanna see…" I walk down the steps, because we're about to head off to the hospital again.

"I bought her…. some dolls. A bubble machine. This dancing Dora thingy. A new book. A this Minnie Mouse thing that drinks a bottle. Just a bunch of little things that she'll enjoy." He picks up a big purple bag with the Toys R Us logo on the front of it.

"Are you going for best dad of the year award, or what?" I comment, heavy on the sarcasm when I see the size of the bag.

"If I can't make her feel better, the least I can do is make her stay at the hospital as comfortable as possible." He shrugs and heads out the door with his bag. I grab a bottle and a little tube of her favorite puffs. The apple cinnamon puffs are actually so good. I eat them all the time, but they're for babies so I should stop.

"At least she has one good parent…" I get into the passenger's seat of the car and stare at the bottle. It has a pink ring around the nipple and Winnie the Pooh on the front. I remember when I bought her this bottle. It's a pathetic little story, honestly. My mom told me that the kind of bottles where you just pour the milk into the solid bottle isn't that sanitary unless you wash them in bleach. She told me that the bottles you buy liners for and put the milk into the liner is more sanitary than the solid bottles. I was high one day, and I came home to Sofia. I wanted to feel like a good mom, so I took her out and bought her a bunch of bottles with liners. It made me feel good about myself for a split second, but then I realized that buying Sofia everything her heart desires won't make me a good mommy if I'm always high.

"What are you talking about, Demi? You're a good mom. You are. You came a really long way, and I'm proud of you." He reaches over and holds my hand as he backs out of the garage. "You've always been a good mom, baby. I remember when we brought Sofia home from the hospital, and you made everyone that wanted to hold her put three drops of hand sanitizer on their hands…. After you made them wash them. It was so cute, actually. And I see the way Sofia looks at you. She adores you. And you adore her. You're a good mom."

"…I am?" I still don't feel like a good mom. I still don't feel like I treat Sofia right. I don't think I'll ever forgive myself though.

"You are. You really are. I've always thought you were. I never told you… but I always have thought you were a good mom. Even when you were high…" He rubs my knuckles. "Remember that time Sofia was really constipated and your mom told you that when you used to get constipated, she'd put a tiny piece of soap up your butt and it'd make you poop? So you did it for Sofia… that's what a good mom does."

"Thanks, Joe…" He's doing a good job of making me feel better about myself. Maybe I am a good mom. Maybe I can be a good mom…

* * *

**Joe's Point of View.**

"Hey, Sofia. Hey pretty little girl, what's up? Whatcha doin, pretty lady?" My heart just swells when I see her. She's so pretty and she makes me so happy. She's sitting up in her crib-bed, sucking on her pacifier with three IVs in her arm, her foot and one in her chest. She doesn't even cry going through chemo anymore.

"Dada!" Her little brown eyes get so wide with excitement when she sees us. "Dada! Dada! DADA!" She claps her little hands together. Her hands are so chubby. I can't help but walk over to her and kiss them. She grabs my lips with a smile. "Da da…"

Demi walks over to us and picks Sofia up, even though the doctors have told her plenty of times not to pick Sofia up during her chemotherapy. "Hi bubbas. Hi…" She kisses Sofia's cheek. Sofia's tiny little lips quiver up into a smile and Demi, of course kisses her lips. "Oh, my bubbas. I missed you. Did you miss me? You miss mommy?"

"Mah Mah." Sofia lies down on Demi's chest. Demi puts her hands under Sofia's butt and rubs her back.

"Hey, Sofia. Come to daddy… daddy wants to hold you." I hold my hands out to her. "Daddy wants to hold you too. Come here…"

Sofia sticks her tongue between her lips and spits at me. "Pbbbblt!"

"Hey, Hey! No spitting. That's dirty. No spitting." Demi taps Sofia in her mouth lightly but hard enough to let Sofia know that it's bad. "Go to daddy and tell him you're sorry!" She hands Sofia to me, and I take her gladly.

"Hey monkey. Why'd you spit on daddy?" I hold her up in the air and kiss her cheeks. "We got the prettiest little baby ever. She's the prettiest little girl ever." I rub Sofia's back and say to Demi. If Sofia isn't the prettiest baby in the world, then I don't know who is. She's gorgeous, with her thick brown hair and her big hazel eyes. Her little dimples kill me. I'm mercilessly in the palm of my little baby girl's hands.

"Oh, Mr. and Mrs. Jonas… I'm glad you're here." Sofia's redheaded nurse walks in the room with the bandaids she puts on Sofia after she takes her off her chemo. "I have some really good news from Dr. Feldman. She gives me a look that suggests that I should put Sofia down. I lie Sofia back down in her crib-bed and step away as she takes all the IVs out of her.

"What's the good news?" Demi walks over to Sofia and holds her feet.

"Dr. Feldman is giving Sofia a home pass for today." She slaps bandaids on Sofia and Sofia doesn't even budge. "The cancer is doing really good with not spreading and staying in the spot that we're targeting with the chemo. And we all agree that Sofia deserves a little day off from the hospital."

"That's great!" I pull Demi by her waist closer to me and smile. Demi looks like she might burst into joyful tears. "We can go to the cookout now, babe. You wanna go?" I rub Demi's back as she cries softly. She's happy, I think.

"Yeah. Yeah, we're gonna go." She nods and wipes away her tears. "I'm sorry, I'm just a little emotional today…." She apologizes and fans herself. "I'm sorry." She picks Sofia up and holds her. "We're going home, bubbas. We're going home for a little while. You wanna go home?" She kisses Sofia's cheek.

"Now, of course, there are a few rules about taking her home for a couple of hours. Just a few things. She may go swimming today, but no more than five hours in the sun. She has to be back here by no later than 12:00 midnight. She can eat her normal diet, but we would like it if you would give her some orange juice to drink, just so she can get her vitamin C. And we've noticed that she's growing a couple new teeth in her mouth, so I recommend some orajel or Tylenol to keep the pain low and the potential for a fever low too. At this point in her sickness, even a fever could be cause for concern."

"Okay. I got it." Demi presses her lips to Sofia's forehead and sways with her in her arms. Sofia is close to falling asleep. "Joe, can you find the fourth of July outfit I packed her in her bag? I'm gonna call my mom and tell her to meet us over your parents' house. Don't tell anyone that we're bringing Sofia home. I want them to be surprised." She puts a very sleepy Sofia down on the bed and starts undressing her.

* * *

**Sofia's Point of View.**

"Here, Sofia. Eat eat…" The gampaw is holding me. Mama and dada taked me to Mimi's house. Mimi and poppy and the gampaw and gammy excited to see me. I excited to see them too it been real long. Mama gimme piece of hotdog in my mouth. Hotdog nummy nummy.

"Have they said anything about her losing her hair, Demi?" Gampaw feed me more hotdog. It nice not to be in a doctor. Dada say we gonna watch fiyerks later. I wonder what fiyerks are. Poppy is gonna light the fiyerks off when it get dark.

"She's not gonna lose her hair as long as they don't put her on radiation chemo." Mama gimme a mouthful of beans. Mama never let me eat this much of not mama milk. I always have to eat mama milk. No mama milk today. None.

"How's she doing?"

"She's getting better. Still not out of the woods yet, but she's getting better." Mama put the spoon of beans down and gets up. "Watch her for me, dad. I have to go to the bathroom, my stomach is just…" Mama run away from me. Where her go?

You know, mama been actin weird. I think I know why her actin weird, cause I feel it. I hope I not right why her been actin weird but I no I not. I not gonna think about it though cause it not the time. And I no want it. I mama baby. ME.

I lay down on the gampaw's chest and close my eyes. I not hungy no more. I want mama to stop it. Her gotta stop it cause it not right. If her no stop it, I be mad at her for a long time. I no talk to mama. Mama my mama. No one else mama.

I feel why mama actin weird. I feel it. It just a feeling I got.

"What's wrong, Sofia? Eat your food, princess. Eat…" The gampaw put the spoon by me again. Mama make me too sad to eat. What happens if mama no have time for me before I go night night forever? And dada too? Will I have to share everyfing? No fia time no more. No fia time. No. No. Mama gotta stop it.

Dada come over and sit down. Him no have a shirt on. Him touch my arm and gimme kiss. "What's the matter, babyface? What's wrong? You not feeling good?" Him take me off the gampaw and kiss my cheek. "What's wrong?"

Nothing, dada. You won't get it. No one get it. I just want mama to hold me. And I wanna go back to when I wasn't in doctor and I wasn't feeling bad all day. I wanna go back to me and mama and dada only, when the loud doggies would be loud when we come home and dada would watch mama on TV with me. I miss when mama would rub my bummy in the bathy til I sleeped. I miss when everyfing didn't revolve around canter, I don't even know what canter is.

"Why are you so sad, baby? Do you miss it back at the hospital?" Dada rub my back. No dada. I no miss the doctor. I miss you. And mama.

Mama walk back through the door and come outside. Her face red like mine when I cry and her look bad. Her look like her need a nap. I mad at her. I really mad at mama. Her better make it stop. Her better make it STOP.

"Here, let me see her. I was feeding her." Mama chewing gum. Probably so her breath don't stinky. Dada hand me to mama. Let me see if I was wrong about mama. Maybe my feelin was wrong. Maybe.

I lie down on mama and close my eyes. No. I not wrong. I right. I know I right. Her put me down NOW. I mad at her! "EEHHHHHHH! EHHHHH!" Gimme back to dada. No talk to me til you make it stop mama. Poo Poo face.

"Sofia, calm down baby…" Mama try to lay my head on her but NO. Her mean! Her bad!

"EHHHEHHH! DADA…."

"Give her here, Dems." Dada takes me off mama and I stop cryin. Her stupid. Mama a big fat meanie. I hate Mama. I hate mama so bad. Mama mean to me. Mama no love me no more. Mama no love me. The feeling I getted told me mama no love me. Dada love me, right? I no get the feelin with dada. I no have to share dada. Dada good.

I just no wanna share my mama.


End file.
